I hate myself

[Symora]

It typically sets in when I think about how things are never going to be okay....about how I'm never going to be okay, can't ever have the life I want, and how long I will have to live with the pain of that.

Hi LE, Do you see how this thinking is the actual source of your internal pain? That is what everyone is trying to tell you ... the source is the actual thought, which then leads to feeling bad, hopeless, painful. CBT is about challenging the thought, right at the source... Those words are not truth since the future is by no means a certainty, for any of us. But those words are now creating your future, is that really what you want?

[nearlydead]

It's been in my favorites list ever since and I never click on it.

Yep! thats another one, procrastination. I can make the plan, then take years to action it. The solution is just like Nike say's it is, "Just Do It"

With procrastination we usually come up with a reason not to do something. "I cant be bothered" "dont feel like it" "its not the right time" "no point" etc. The thing is, its never the right time, we never feel like it, there's never any point.

Burns says that instead of waiting untill we feel like doing something, we should just start it anyway, force ourselves to start. The reason being that this way the very act of starting then becomes our motivation. Summed up as "action breeds motivation" So just clic the link, have a go, at the very least you wont have to think about it again. One thought, then act.

I think with all the other stuf you have posted today, CBT is deffinately the way forward for you. Like Irma said, just going through the act of naming some of your problems then gives you a list of possible areas to work on, but if you do work on them you will see improvement.

The hardest step is the first one LL, Im only about 6 months into this stuff as well, but Im different and much happier than what I was when I first got here. Like an alchoholic I fall of the wagon quite regularly, but it gets easier to get back on again.

Good mental health is a choice that we must make again and again. Its like going to the gym, the more we go the stronger we get. You just need to change a few of your basic habits. I started with sleep patterns (saying that, its 2.30 am here)

Challenge, clic the link and tell me the title of module one.

[IrmaJean]

Is there any way you might try one from the list you were given? I know your experience has not been positive in the past, but there are some good ones out there. I hope that you will at least consider continuing to look.

Can a GP prescribe meds? I'm not sure of the rules on this. Anyone else know?

Symora is spot-on too, LE. This thought is a cognitive distortion.

[lifeless existence]

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[IrmaJean]

No I haven't read it. I know it's CBT stuff, and that's exactly what I was wanting to get from a professional. I don't have the motivation or discipline (two strikes against me for lacking both) to do it on my own.

Point number one. Never say you can't or you don't. You can and you will. I agree that seeing a professional would be very advantageous in helping you with this, though.

I have so many self-help books here now and I start them and read a few chapters and then I put them away in a drawer and never see them again. I've come to the conclusion that I'm one of those people that needs structure (another big strike against me) to get anything done.

David O is wonderful with structure. Maybe he can give you some suggestions in compiling a list of goals to get you started. It might be in one of these other threads as well.

I thought about ordering that book "Been There, Done That? DO THIS!" based upon the recommendations I've seen here, but I don't think I'll keep up with the exercises.

There's that word again...don't...You can and you will.

[lifeless existence]

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[lifeless existence]

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[IrmaJean]

Hello, Symora. My thoughts do hurt, but they were formed by real-world experience and reading/hearing statements from actual women about what qualities they look for in a partner, what things they can overlook, and what things are dealbreakers. It's not like I'm torturing myself with thoughts that aren't true.

But words from a book or survey can't predict one's future, Lifeless, and the past doesn't always repeat itself.

[nearlydead]

ND, the first module is "Introduction Module: About the Course"

You win. Im glad I didn't bet cash on this. Now sign up here:

http://www.livinglifetothefull.com/index.php?section=page&page_seq=12

requires email address and 5 minute questionaire. Skip the "Introduction Module: About the Course" theres no practical help there. Just sign up then leave it, but congrateulate yourself for signing up.

I read burn's about three times before I did anything about it. Mainly because Burns asks you to keep a mood log, requiring me to record my upsetting thought. I failed on this point as I was having roughly 5000 upsetting thoughts per day, and would run out of paper.

It was this site that actually got me to take action. This was the starting point for usefull self help. They require that you do the "Understanding why we feel as we do" module. But I suspect you know most of it anyway. Its still worth reading though as it also give tips on how to do the course. The other modules you just pick which appeal to you. My advice though is to print of the sheets, even the stupid ones, as you need to review them later in the course. Its these reviews where the realisations come. I cannot recommend this site enough. The press over here have gone mad with praise for it.

Challenge 2 "Clic the link and sign up, then leave it. Then pat yourself on the back" or do module one. Dont think about it. "Just do it" now.

Course Content

•Understanding why we feel as we do

•Problem solving

•Assertiveness

•Overcoming Reduced activity

•Helpful and Unhelpful behaviours

•Noticing unhelpful thoughts

•Changing unhelpful thoughts

•Healthy living - sleep, food, diet and exercise

•Using Medication effectively

•Staying well

•Using Anxiety Control Training relaxation

Why are you still reading this;)

[Aries70]

What is a man?... Hello LE, I am new here of course ,a greenhorn as they say on "Deadliest Catch".I hope you don't mind too much me butting in and engaging you cold on such a private and raw subject matter.Let me share some of my own story so that you may get an idea of where I am coming from;I am 40 years old,I have never had a serious and intimate relationship,I have had only a handful of disastrous sexual encounters with cheap prostitutes(in my youth).Disastrous because I was intoxicated at the time in order to build up enough courage.I have only had 2 normal relationships that ended before intimacy due to my insecurities and cluelessness,I am honest to goodness fat,I am not rich,in fact I an struggling at the moment.From what I have gleaned from your posts,at least on this thread,you are my better in all these respects;I salute you and envy you I truly do..But here is the thing,I love life and by extension my own.Reality may be crude and rough as Woody Allen once said(and I am paraphrasing)but its the only place where you can get a good steak and potatoes:o.Although I have foolishly ceded the personal empowerment of my manhood to women,I let no one,no one define who I am in any other aspect.I may not have a perfect body,or mind,or soul;but I claim full ownership,warts and all. so again I ask,what is the definition of a man?..who gets to decide the parameters? I am curious about your thinking on this.

[lifeless existence]

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[nearlydead]

Yeh, Yeh Yeh forget all that, clic the f£$%^&* link and do yourself some good.

[Aries70]

Oooh LE, I really didn't mean to issue you a challenge to a "loser-off":p.Ha,ha,ha.I think its one of those competitions where you win when you lose.My intent was more to try and put into context your own situation.The context being that no mater how good you have it,it could get better,bad?,well it can always be worse.Also I hope that in sharing with you my personal issues,you will feel that I am reaching out in solidarity,rather than as an indictment of your character. A man has the qualities to have their needs met ,things that are important in life.This applies to women as well,I think that falls under human survival.Not harping,there is no "right"answer,I actually dwell on it myself.

[nearlydead]

Arie's,

Im interested in your mindset. You have a size issue, and you have had no success with women. Yet you seem to have a positive outlook on life in general.

How has your life gone in other areas? do you have a career? do you have a social life? do other people in your life know about your size? Why are you here? what are you hoping to get from visiting this site? Im not asking that to critisise or to attack in anyway, Im just interested in how you keep up such a positive mindset.

[Recluse]

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[IrmaJean]

I am wondering, guys, have any of you taken the Myers-Briggs personality test? I have a link for it somewhere in The Lounge. I think, besides being kind of fun, it is very informative and accurate. I test an INFJ...strong idealistic tendencies, think with heart and not head...the description is pretty dead-on me. I think the test offers a helpful base of knowledge into oneself. Some of our tendencies and approach to life are simply a part of who we are. Looking at this information can help you come to understand what methods might work best for self-help. It is also helpful in looking at which careers would best match your qualities. ND, I have little doubt you are a T and not an F like myself. Just a thought. The more information, the better.

[Aries70]

Do you seek wisdom from the oracle?:)very well then,the meaning of life is,,,,,,,is,,,,,that life has meaning:DSorry guys,its just that its weird to me that you might think that I have my poo together.Lets see;I stumbled on this site a few months ago when I was going through a bout of depression(which for me come out of nowhere,last a day or two, ebb and flow a week or two and then its gone)Read a doctors article on SPS,then read some of you guy's posts,and,well,they moved me.I hang around because I kind of like the vibe around here,sorta like a support group.I have a job,no career, I am a concrete mason;on this point, I think that having had hard and challenging work has helped me build confidence in some respects;construction workers are tough crowd,if you don't show a minimum of aptitude and resilience,you get no respect.I socialize with family and workmates almost exclusively,but we are close.I like to think that when they talk about me amongst themselves about my lack of wife or girlfriend,they chalk it up as a personality quark rather than as a physical or character flaw(my kid brother,who is a well endowed guy,is more socially awkward and insecure than I, also a bachelor at 36,so go figure)As far as advise I don't know,I guess the years have tempered my innate anxiety and pessimism with the realization that wishing and or expecting a certain outcome from life,from a situation,will not make it so;so why worry and most importantly,why hate?Why hate women?they deal with their own issues which we are clueless about,they try to get by same as us.Hate the game?might as well hate the sun in the summer or the cold wind of winter.It is what it is.Hate yourself?the one unflinching and tireless advocate you have on this world?not very wise or productive.........Also,and above all else,,,,,,,,eat plenty of fiber,nothing sours the disposition like backed up plumbing...........The oracle has spoken, oken,oken,oken.

[Recluse]

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[Recluse]

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[nearlydead]

great minds think alike.

I too am ISTJ

http://similarminds.com/jung.html

responsible, planner, private, loner tendencies, perfectionist, organized, detail oriented, organized, would rather be friendless than jobless, realistic, observer, clean, focused, does not talk about feelings, finisher, punctual, private, does not appreciate strangeness, not adventurous, not spontaneous, follows the rules, dutiful, avoids mistakes, conventional, likes solitude, insensitive to the hardships of others, prepared, anti-tattoos, things rules are important, cautious, security seeking, prepares for worst case scenarios, logical, analytical, does not accept apologies easily, hard working

Bang on, except I am spontaneous with voilence and some other things. I am adventourous with travel, food, extreme sports. Which is to do with me not valuing my life that much.

[IrmaJean]

I knew we had a lot of "thinkers" here. I'm a "feeler". No surprise there. When I gave my H this test and read the results, besides going :eek:, I understood better why we sometimes clash. He is an ENTJ...almost an exact opposite of me. So it was rather helpful in putting some of the pieces together. I'll have to read more about ISTJs so I can get to know both of you better. I am thinking that Aries may test differently. Just a guess.

[Recluse]

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[nearlydead]

The thing is, what do we do with this information? Which of those traits would it be good to get rid off, relax a little? and which traits would I benefit from being more off? I will think about this later, its good on TV tonight:)

[IrmaJean]

ND, I'm not sure there is much from this that you'd want to necessarily get rid of, so much as to be aware of. Maybe you might recognize some areas that you might relax a bit, as you say. I think what it does is give you a picture of yourself and how you operate as a person. So you'd want to take this information and use it in your favor or at the very least have a better understanding about why you approach certain life situations in the way you do. Here is some more info.

http://www.personalitypage.com/ISTJ.html

So when I was trying in the past to offer you my feelings perspective as a way of trying to help you, this was not the best way to help because you operate with logic and ration. So learning about yourself through this may help you discover and utilize more effective methods to best work with what you have to offer. Basically it's just more information to work with and that can't be a bad thing.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Everyone,

Don't you think that the reason many of you have been "dumped," as you put it, because of things you have said and done with other people? In my opinion, it is more helpful to look at one's own behavior to try to learn about what is going on. Psychotherapy helps with that. Then, work on changing the behaviors that push other people away.

What do you think?

Allan