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Just wonder still


sadgreeneyes
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I just wonder still if someone could tell me how a "true" male friend would act towards a female?

What contain a normal conversation? when are the boundaries crossed? I know some of them,like in my previous post ( thank you DahliMomma:) ) but I come to think I wonder more, I would be thankful for more input if I later one day should wonder is someone a friend or not.

How often do you see a male friend? and what is appropriate times to meet, where to go and so on?

Thanks in advance,

Sadgreeneyes

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hello sadgreeneyes...

interesting question :) I am female and a lot of my friends are male. Some are married, some are single. I guess I have never "catagorized" my friends into gender. The are just are my friends and I plan things with them just like I do with my female friends. We go to movies, we go to plays, we go out to dinner, we hang out and watch sports, we "loiter" at each others homes, we call each other at 3AM when we think of funny jokes. Sometimes it's a group of friends and sometimes it's just two of us having conversation or debating politics or religion. I'm a sucker for good intellectual conversations.

I know there's many people who wonder if men and women can be "just friends." I think they absolutely can. Yes....there is sexual innuendo from time to time but I hang with people have a very warped sense of humor!! As long as the boundaries are clear.....there is no reason that men and women can't have nurturing fulfilling friendships.

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Hi Danni,

thank you for input :) , I am glad to hear it is possible to have so good friends as you have and of the other sex.

I haven´t had any male friends and I am worried about what to look for, warning signs, what makes a friend not actually being the friend he say he is.

I guess I ask how to spot a false male friend who has wrong intentions? what is the warning signs?

Edited by sadgreeneyes
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I know that if I meet normal men they probably will not cross any boundaries, but as long as I´ve been meeting only abusive men I need advice and what to look for. I am an easy target and I am in a healing process.

I am thankful for more input if someone has:)

I am not always good at recognizing when boundaries are crossed, I´m a person who easily doubt my own judgement even I sense I am right.

Edited by sadgreeneyes
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Hi sadgreeneyes,

With me I guess, Im just naturally weary of men, I have had some harsh experiences over the years. I guess I tend to put my barriers up.

I have had male friends, not everyone is untrustworthy. But I am extremely cautious. I guess if someone makes me feel uncomfortable, or unsafe, in anyway I avoid them. I'd rather be safe than sorry.

(sorry if this is wrong or judgemental, its just I guess my way of protecting myself)

Oh and in answer to your question

"how a true male friend would act towards a female ?"

Exactly the same way a female friend would act towards a female :)

Take care

Edited by SweetSue
forgot to say something (oops)
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Hi SweetSue,

thank you so much for answer!:) What you say are probably the only way to know whether a male friend is for real or not. You say if someone makes you feel uncomfortable, or unsafe, in anyway you avoid them. And that you would rather be safe than sorry.

Don´t be sorry, it is a perfect answer, I think too, now, that this is the only way to spot someone, we just have to be aware our senses and trust them.

They say our gut feeling is our best weapon against abusers or false people. I think I have to start working on trusting my gut feelings better and stick with them.

It was very helpful you say a male will treat his female friend the same way as a female friend of her would ;)

Thank you SweetSue, take care too.

Hugs,

Sadgreeneyes

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I understand your concern. I think one of the sad truths of being an abuse survivor is that we need to be very careful not to be drawn toward the familiar. What is the familiar? The familiar is those traits in abusive people that draws people to them. I also think that many people don't listen to their instincts enough. We all have that "little voice" and that voice is often warning us about potential danger. It's hard to trust when abuse has occured. That's OK....be picky and take your time. But be aware of those warning signs and walk away when you see them.

Sue's right....a true male friend will act the same as a true female friend. All friends should treat you with care and respect.

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Thanks Danni,

yes it is very hard to trust anyone because you think everyone has some kind of agenda ( males). And specially because right now they are the ones I attract, like always before. I guess maybe the warning signs for male friends are somehow the same as it should be if meeting a guy for r/s, if the male friend are not who he say he is and has an agenda he will somehow turn the conversation in the r/s direction instead, or turn it in a way that will be uncomfortable, just like SweetSue mention.

Maybe a good thing to do is google a little bit about manipulation tactics.

I will follow my gut in future:)

Edited by sadgreeneyes
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