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Controlling moods


goose
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I love the fact that I am in control of my mood, by the way I react to external events and negative thinking. However I also hate the fact that I am in control, because when I do have low mood that means I am responsible for putting myself there.

Surely when you have a low mood caused by an event that is ongoing that you cannot change, that you are so emotionally tied to, how can you detach yourself from the negative thoughts?. Ok I think the worst {negative thinking}, but the facts support that thought, so how can it not be negative if it is true?. Yes I cope because I have to and want to, but the scars are there and do not get time to heal before it all happens again.

I am not low at the moment, but I could so easily be and I want to understand how I can continue being well with the constant bombardment of negative events.

Goose

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You feel bad for feeling bad, goosey? :-)

You may not be able to change the events, you may not be able to stop caring about the events, but is there a link to 'blame' that you can sever?

Most likely, the events are not your fault.

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Yes self-critizism is something I do a lot, something I need to recognize when it happens and to reframe it.

These events as I call them are as usual about my 16 year old son. He is very impulsive and gets himself in all sorts of scrapes and danger and trouble. I am not responsible for his acts but I am responsible for him, I have no control over his impulsive actions but they make me very sad. In reality he will always be impulsive, he learns from his mistakes but is not in control so this will be a long term problem.

So it is not unrealistic of me to forsee trouble in the future, which I know is a negative thought likely to bring my mood down ~ I just need a stratagy to use before I let it happen.

Goose

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How about this?

Even if troubles do come (uncertain, but hypothetical), he and you and his father will find a way to manage them.

You have, so far. Not always perfectly, not always happily, but what were you expecting? ;-)

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It sounds as if you are doing a great job as a parent to me. You are clearly there for your son, offering him structure and guidance and loving him too, which is everything that you can control in being his mom. It is very often a long and difficult road being a parent, but what you're doing is so very meaningful. I have no doubts that your son is very fortunate to have you behind him. One thing you can't do is stop caring, but you can be very gentle with yourself along the way when any difficult emotions arise. Talk to a friend. Ask for support. Allow yourself comfort. And, as Malign said, know that you and your husband will manage any difficulties which may arise the best way that you can.

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