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Argh.


DahliMOMMA
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I'm noticing some urges & signs i'm heading toward (FULL*) manic. Still where I can talk myself from really giving in to them or let them be out of control. I don't know what to do about it... frustrated. Feeling alone in this.

*note: being BPII for me this hasn't extended to hallucinations etc. FULL manic may have been an emotional statement.

Edited by DahliMOMMA
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OHHH-KAAAY!... (takes breath)

Phew. I got through last night , the stress headache has cleared and I am enjoying the early, early morning quiet to get some things off my chest. Just for clarity and brevity's sake I'll save mention or really getting into DHs "antics" last night for another post.

Malign, as for support: I do give my oldest kids heads up, as they have been down this road with me so much recently they 'know the drill', so to speak and help out as much as they can. My husband, I usually give the heads up...in this point in time, NO. He is in no place to deal with me, my moods on top of all else. He knows I am struggling, loves me, supports me, he isn't in a place to take on any responsibility or give me extra support right this second though. My Mom, might be coming up to visit and lend hand...I don't think DH would deal well with the extra person at the moment. But if I know I am getting bad, I will call her to come up, stay and take weight off of me (and him).

Symora, Well, I quess I should note that as BP II: for me, my manic isn't hasn't extended to delusions hallucinations etc. So 'FULL MANIC' may have been a strong emotional statement on my part. Generally speaking the same behaviors go with my manic side & get stronger, stronger as I get more manic, I see more of them and I get fixations with them also. (As a note, for the most part I note I have the opposite behavior in depression, pretty much across the board, and worsening as I get more depressed)

I awoke in the 'safe manic; mode... up early, perky, cleaning everything...I left to go out shopping with with the girls and I notice the beginnings of a couple of my behaviors:

Normally the major URGE players in my manic are:

*Spending

*Craving alcohol

*attention to personal appearance

*Sex drive

*attention to cleaning organizing

*wanderlust...wanting to be 'out'

(& notice changes in how I interact with strangers...talking, staring, how I think they are 'looking at me')

I was feeling: spending urges but controllable, fixations with looking at 'matching' things -picking out things, thoughts about buying alcohol, being a little over talkative, catching myself staring at strangers, mild wanderlust.

I don't want to get UP too much, I ignored the signs 2 weeks ago and had a really big fall. Why I'm looking for help, no meds to adjust, If I get to where I am actually drinking, spending despite what I can afford and justifying that I have a good reason for it, spending a lot of time &/or $ on appearance, and getting well, horny. I will be in trouble and ready for a fall. (those are the 4 major red flags) I still have a little room before I hit that point and I want to head it off.

As for my trigger: a little has been building with hubby and kids, but Thurs night I had a school related function (5th grade choir concert) was feeling super ill with sinus infection & hoping DH would take son and I could stay home with other kids. He got hung up at work, I had to get myself & all kids ready out the door by 6:15, be there at 6:30, wait til 7:00 to start 'wrangling' 1 & 3 yr olds with 13 yr daughter in tow and then grab dinner on way home. Kids fought, pestered, you name it entire way to & from

...I arrived home at 8:30 screaming at them to knock it off (after a million quit ____-ing your brother/sister) Let's say my parenting level of coping at that moment had hit; (through clenched teeth) "Okay, you do any of this shit when we get in this house and I will personally kick all your asses!":mad::eek: In short: a SUPER STRESSFUL evening out while ILL.

Fortunately, Fri am and today am back to firm but patient parent mode.:(

Crap, that was long, but thanks to those how manage to stick around to read it.

Edited by DahliMOMMA
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DM:

Oh dear... *grin*

I'm sure you know this, but just in case your mind is flitting from one thing to another a bit too fast (you know? :)) and you've forgotten:

1. Get as MUCH sleep as you can possibly scrape together. I have a small supply of sleeping tablets (I'm not normally on them) for these times, do you have any? OTC stuff? Chamomile tea? Hot milk? Pick your poison. :D Enough sleep modulates the high.

2. Cut down on that caffeine (sorry) or at least slow down after lunch so most can be gone by bedtime. (The sleep thing again.)

3. Don't go to the shops. If you just have to, don't take money or take only enough for essentials. Leave the credit card in the freezer.

4. Channel the energy (which you're doing with cleaning/organising) Put on music and dance or go for a run, whatever. I’m a pretty safe manic too. (At the start that is, not later.)

5. Try to avoid parties. *wink*

Just some suggestions. Pick what you like and ditch the rest. (I hate being told what to do in this state!)

And good luck.

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