I think my relationship is about to end

[MrKanista]

It looks like me and my g/f are about to break up. It just doesn't seem to work any more. We both seem to want different things from the relationship, sex has become a chore and we argue a lot and hurt each other. We've been together 4 years. My head tells me we should break up but my heart says I don't know if i could live without her. She's such a special person, it would be a real wrench to lose her. I've spoken to her about it and she feels pretty similar to me. What should we do?

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Mrkanista,

You may have talked about this before so I apologize if I am repeating something: You and your girlfriend can try couples psychotherapy. That may help the two of you find ways to resolve your differences. What do you think?

Allan:)

[MrKanista]

thanks Allan, indeed I posted about it a year or 2 ago. Basically we've been going on like that up til now. It's a bit up and down. Good times punctuated by big arguments. This time last year we also came close to breaking up but decided to try and give it another go.

I've thought about couples therapy but the thing is, I'm only 30 and she's only 25. I'm her 1st boyfriend. I thought couples therapy was more for couples who had a reason to stay together, i.e. marriage or kids. I don't know, maybe I'm wrong but it seems therapy is a bit excessive in our case. Is that a wrong assumption?

[malign]

People who are married or have kids aren't the only ones "who have a reason to stay together." Is that perhaps the answer to your question, that you don't think you do? Couples therapy isn't a desperation measure for people who "have to" stay together; in fact, I would suggest that that attitude would likely doom it. That's from someone who is married, and tried it. We're working on ending the marriage, simply because if you get down to the bare metal, and the only thing holding you together is "have to's", you're probably better off apart.

You and she have to decide whether the positives outweigh the negatives, but if they do, don't overlook any option that might make life more fun for both of you.

[MrKanista]

Hi Malign, I guess that was what I was getting at. We're stilll quite young as I mentioned and I'm onlly her 1st boyfriend. Maybe we're just not mature enough and in the right circumstances to go the long haul and need to go our own ways. But at the same time it would be really sad to lose someone so special.