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Been thinking...


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Been thinking... and my mind is a terrible place to be SOMETIMES>>>> Have not read Marks PM yet... but I am sure he will be honest and fair like he always is.....

WAS going to go onto all that I have been dealing with lately... but that seems like making excuses... maybe if I can smooth all this over I will talk... and MAYBE JUST MAYBE I won't be misunderstood or attacked....

I guess I do not express myself well...... I want to let you all know I have never intentionally said any thing to any one to hurt them.... but by expressing my opinion... I have been taken wrong.... BUT instead of anyone wanting to talk about it and find out what I was trying to express... I get attacked.. or snitched on.....

I thought of just not coming here... it is just a website and I don't HAVE to come here.... I have 3 docs.... One for Bipolar Schizo, One for alcoholism and one for pain... they have all told me that that the stress in my life will kill me... and I am not but 40.....

I will not apologize for things I said because like I said I was not trying to hurt anyone....I was just expressing my opinion and what I said to the small penis fellow was meant to be taken as .... SEX is not that important... there are people that will love you no matter what.... ... Like I said I do not feel safe going into detail right now... but I related with the way he was feeling and was talking to him and trying to help... Believe it or not...

but any way enough said ... IF I AM ATTACKED AGAIN I WON'T BE BACK.... for my sanity and health... wish you all well......

BTW I do not mind different opinions... that is what intelligent people do discuss and debate... but I will not be attacked and stay on this site... maybe some of you will be glad IF I leave.... but maybe you will be loosing out... I will discuss any thing with anyone... I do not think we have to have the same opinion./// GOD made us all different....

HUGS... good wishes and Happy Mother's Day.... JT

PS as far as the moderator thing goes.... I have never deleted anything but spam... so not a big deal... but did like the title..... Gabs

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Hello, JT. Malign told me once that this site was much like a slow moving 24 hour group therapy session. I think he was dead on right about this. There have been times when I've caught myself doing my stuff right here during interactions on the boards. Being on the internet makes things especially challenging at times. There is a lot to be said about perception. In one regard you have mentioned that your words were perceived by others in a manner that wasn't their actual intended meaning, but you also perceive having been "attacked". Maybe all of our perceptions have been a bit off in this...but maybe then let's all take a look at ourselves and possibly learn from what has happened. The fact that you never intended any harm is very important to know, but it may also be helpful to you to see how your words were perceived. Have you ever felt misunderstood before in other relationships? There might be ways to make some adjustments in how you present your ideas so that they will be taken as they were intended. My belief is that no one intended to attack you, but rather were acting on what they'd perceived and then attempted to protect others. It can be challenging for any of us to keep our own personal stuff out of things. Maybe we can all give one another...and ourselves...a break and start over. What do you think?

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Good idea.... starting coming to this site many years ago, when all I had was the computer... went to many sites 24 hrs a day... was always on the computer.... but as things changed .. I only now go to a few and this is one of them....

Perhaps? IF I explain better.... instead of giving short answers, I won't be as misunderstood? I understand that there will always be those with different opinions. That is one reason I have never deleted anything except spam when I was a moderator... I think people have a right to their thoughts and feelings.

For people to think I am mean... baffles me... my therapist says one of my problems is that I am too nice and put other people in front of me..... MY how a computer screen can change perceptions.

When I was drinking.... I may have said some uncalled for things... was miserable and looking for a fight. But I have been sober for quite a while.

But anyway... I will try my best to explain what I am saying better.....

Although I am not dependent on this site like I use to be when I was cutting and wanting to just die and doing all that I could to make that happen....I do feel at home here with some people and even if I just read.... it is nice to know that there are people in this world that have been through what I have been through..... I don't come here much anymore... busy living life... but sometimes it is nice.....

Have a great day.... JT

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Hi! nice to meet you.

That is my goal... to express myself better... I come from a place that we can all finish each others thoughts and know what we are talking about... I guess I forgot you all are not a part of that world and may not GET what I mean....

I am going to try to answer a few posts... IN A BETTER WAY... like giving more detail to what I mean.. IF I had done that with small penis fellow ... all of this may have been avoided.... I am not happy with my body either and I was trying to relate... but I can see how that " get Over it" could hit someone wrong... not meant the way it came across....

There are many things I would like to get off my chest... but do not feel like this is a good time... I am doing ok... Or at least I think I am.. what would have caused me to cut or take pills or slit my wrists.. now seems like nothing....

ONE thing I also get from this site is that there are people out there hurting more than me...right now.... I may have hurt bad before.... but like I said doing ok RIGHT NOW... not saying that things may not change... If I don't start getting some sleep who knows.

But know that I wish you all well and wish I had money and could open up a place that suffers ... Mental and Alcoholic... could come for a month or so and get a break and feel safe and get help finding help... but Guess I will stick to saving dogs!!! LOL!!! They are alot easier to take care of...

NOW>>>> let me explain THAT... NOT comparing you all to dogs... but I have 13 and I CAN take care of them... although I would love to.. I am not qualified to take care of people... I am very imperfect too!!

Is that better???

Hugs JT

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I apologize if recent events have left you feeling less secure, on the site. It's important to me that everybody feel as safe as possible, here. The problem is, it's virtually impossible to achieve.

It gets harder, during a misunderstanding. I do believe you, when you say that you intended to help the guy on the SPS forum. I even agree with your basic point, that they are putting too much emphasis on sex, to the exclusion of other aspects of human relations.

But I was aware of how the opening line, to "get over it", would be read, and I had access to the reactions of those who had already read it. By no means did I speak up solely from my own personal feelings, nor was I the only one who spoke. And I had no intention of "attacking" you; only to protect the atmosphere of the site.

I hope that you and I can continue to communicate, using any combination of posts or PMs that you might prefer. I might not change my opinions, and I don't count on you changing any of yours. I just don't like leaving unresolved conflicts laying around.

Thanks for listening, whatever the answer.

Mark (malign)

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