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i want to badly cut myself and purge till there is no tmrw


Ethnicgirl4life
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I'm sorry you are going through this right now.. I know all too well about cutting/inflicting harm.. and about the feelings it gives you.. the pleasure.. or whatever it may be..

Just know that there are other ways to make you feel alive & get that serotonin running without the need to cut, even though that may seem like it's the only thing you want to do.. All we will have are the scars to remind us that we suffered a lot during periods of our life, sometimes it's better to keep them scarred up then to re open them all over again..

I find that's the hardest part.. replacing a negative with a positive.. but the only thing I can suggest is to find healthy ways to let out your emotions.. exercise/jogging is good for the serotonin.. also breathing exercises.. talking to someone.. anything.. that will make you feel better about yourself/improve your mental health rather then keeping it where it is now..

Hang in there, you aren't alone <3

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Yay!! See that's awesome that you are willing to try new things.. and to know that you have the strength within you to not harm yourself!! Seems like you are already suffering enough as it is, not fair to make it worse for yourself right? Even if it's just writing- I love my journal.. or just having a bath/listening to calming music.. and breathing exercises.. all very positive with releasing your emotions <3

Good luck, and this is always a great place to vent- people here who def care!

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i know how you feel -when you know exactly where your arteries are and how you're going to do it. Perhaps you could turn on a piece of music to distract your moods, then surround yourself in a billion distractions like open books, toys and television :) it usually works well with me

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Hi

Been there.... sooooo sorry you are having to deal with that right now... come here and POST AND POST AND POST.... call someone.... If you think you need to and ARE going to cut or purge... call your doc....

I would never do that... Because like my therapist says I am stubborn and knew that they would just put me on the 5th floor.... ( mental hospital) Not really scared of the 5th floor , like it there.. but who can take care of my dogs like I can???? My house.... my car.... the stuff that I and ( I think) only I can do????

My problem with going to the hospital was ... how can the world go around without me in there to keep it on track!!! LOL... I know that is not rational thinking.... but that is how I do/did think....

My therapist has convinced me that is is time to care about myself... and to take care of myself..... I hope you can do that...

PM me if you want or keep posting... know that we care....

JT

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ok thanks ill try that an will try not to purge or cut

I am so happy that you have the strength and determination to try not to purge or self harm . I personally suffered a very bad Eating Disorder for around 9 yrs , and also self harming. It can become addicting ,and the feeling of release only lasts temporaily .

Are you in therapy ? talking about all these things with a professional helps sort out your mind and will help you . Your not alone . I still have a problem with self harming , and understand . Many of us in here understand . Keep wriritng your feelings down in this fourm , and we will help you stay safe from yourself .

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plan for if things get worse for me and tips to help you help me:

  • don't try to guilt me into eating.
  • be patient with me .
  • be careful not to trigger me with weight talk .
  • dont talk about cals to me ,say no i dont want to talk about that if i bring cals up.
  • ask me if you are unsure of what to say or what suggestions you could make on food to eat that ill be ok with and wont get trggered by eating it as much.
  • when trying to persuade me to eat dont let me telll you otherwise or manupliate or control.
  • after eating and im complaining about urges do try to distract me by moving on to another topic or saying i dont think that talking about the urges will hlp you get better,etc.

  • when im wanting to badly self harm give me some suggestionson stuff to do instead or say i would like you to stay safe so please remove the thing you would plan on using to si away from you or at least hide it so you wont be tempted.

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Hi Ethnicgirl,

I'm glad you're managing to keep safe, these days.

You know, I was interested by your list of instructions. It struck me that maybe you feel like other people are running your recovery?

You mentioned not to "guilt" you into things. I thought that was interesting, because I'm just a stranger on the other end of the internet. Can I really give you guilt?

The way I see it, it's your body. You have no responsibility to me, over it. It's yours to command. The same is true of the rest of the instructions. I can't "make" you feel a particular thing; I can't "make" you do, or not do, anything. I'm too far away.

Anything that happens to your body, in this struggle of yours, is your choice. That means that, whether you choose not to eat, or you choose to eat, the choice was yours, either way.

We both know that it's possible to starve yourself to death. And we both know it's possible to eat healthy and to maintain a healthy weight. And we know whose choice it is. The way I see it, I don't have any say in the matter. :-)

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Hi :)

Is there something that you can do to try take your mind of what you are currently feeling ?

When I feel like s/i'ing, or need to calm myself down before things get overwhelming, I try distract myself. Sometimes it works maybe it is something you could try too.

Are you artistic, maybe you could draw or paint for a while.

Call a friend, and just talk, not necessarily about how you are feeling, just talk about anything.

Maybe go out for a walk, just to clear your mind a little

Perhaps listen to some upbeat music (loudly) that always cheers me up a little

Or meditate, this helps me a lot. Especially when I need to calm myself down or panic mode sets in. I just close my eyes, imagine im on a beach somewhere nice hot and sunny, with a soft soothing breeze (obviously so I dont get too hot). Imagine things in tiny detail, like the little specks of sand, a few fluffy white clouds, a kite swaying in the breeze. The sound of the gentle waves washing the shore line. A little rock pool....... oops getting carried away now, but Im sure you get the idea. :)

Hope that this helps a little

Take care :)

Edited by SweetSue
SPELLING :eek:
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Guest ASchwartz

Hello Ethnicgirl,

I fully agree with Sweetsue.

I believe that what keeps happening to you is that you find it very difficult to manage your emotions. You become over whelmed with whatever emotions you are experiencing. I am not sure of what may have happened to you while growing up but, somehow and for some reason, either no one comforted you when you were a child or you never learned how to comfort yourself.

Now, its a matter of learning to comfort yourself and that is not easy to learn.

That is why I think that learning meditation would be very good for you and so would Yoga. Added to that you really need psychotherapy with a therapist who would be very warm and accepting.

Allan:)

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Hi there ,

when my eating disorder was really bad , all I could think about was food, and purging . It waS so difficult for me to not want to exercise afterwards too.

I had to force myself to eat right and take care of myself , becasue I ended up becomming pregnant , so I had to choose what was more important , the ED or a healthy baby .

I guess what I am getting at is that is is easier to fight the ED if you have something more important to fight for other then the ED running and controling your life .

I also agree with sweetsue and Allen suggestions to try to calm down your emotions , so they do not take over . I still struggle with SI , and very well understand how hard it is not to self harm when your in the moment .

Therapy can help you talk about whats going on , and help you . All that mattered to me was the ED . Perhaps finding something that is more important to you then the ED could help.

ED's end up controlling a persons life after a while , this is why it is so difficult to stop. I was there for 9 yrs of my life . I could not concentrate on anything else but the ED . I dropped down to a staggering weight loss that was very thin, but I did not know it .

I wish the best for you , and hope you choose to fight the ED and SI completley.

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Hi there ,

when my eating disorder was really bad , all I could think about was food, and purging . It waS so difficult for me to not want to exercise afterwards too.

I had to force myself to eat right and take care of myself , becasue I ended up becomming pregnant , so I had to choose what was more important , the ED or a healthy baby .

I guess what I am getting at is that is is easier to fight the ED if you have something more important to fight for other then the ED running and controling your life .

I also agree with sweetsue and Allen suggestions to try to calm down your emotions , so they do not take over . I still struggle with SI , and very well understand how hard it is not to self harm when your in the moment .

Therapy can help you talk about whats going on , and help you . All that mattered to me was the ED . Perhaps finding something that is more important to you then the ED could help.

ED's end up controlling a persons life after a while , this is why it is so difficult to stop. I was there for 9 yrs of my life . I could not concentrate on anything else but the ED . I dropped down to a staggering weight loss that was very thin, but I did not know it .

I wish the best for you , and hope you choose to fight the ED and SI completley.

thanks i apperciate that alot , it gives me hope an inspiration to keep fighting that i might be able to recover if i stay on course and ill do it for all the people i love an care about so much.i will try to use suggestions to manage emotions hopefully they work.

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i m lost what should i do?

Hi Ethnicgirl. Sorry you feel so bad. Wish I knew what to say to make you feel better. Tell you the truth, I would be too scared to cut myself, although I hurt myself in other ways (been smoking since I was ten)

You have a unique user-name, just curious are you an ethnic girl who believe in life are an ethnic girl who will be ethnic all your life, and if so, whats so bad about that? never mind, none of my business. hope you are abl to overcome this...You are worth something, or God would not have created you, IMO;)

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Ethnicgirl,

In managing your emotions remember to be good to yourself by finding ways to soothe yourself. Listen to soft music, take a nap, meditation, yoga and exercise helps.

Tell yourself to love yourself and that you are a good person.

Allan :o

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Hi Ethnicgirl. Sorry you feel so bad. Wish I knew what to say to make you feel better. Tell you the truth, I would be too scared to cut myself, although I hurt myself in other ways (been smoking since I was ten)

You have a unique user-name, just curious are you an ethnic girl who believe in life are an ethnic girl who will be ethnic all your life, and if so, whats so bad about that? never mind, none of my business. hope you are abl to overcome this...You are worth something, or God would not have created you, IMO;)

i am an ethnic girl for life i was adopted from Europe when i was 7 1/2 .an thanks so much for that i apperciate it

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i want to let you all know im taking Reglan for fullness and for my acid reflux,etc i take it 3 times daily 30 mins before meals .it should help me with urges to purge , help me to fight of the urge a bit easier WITH OUT THE SICKN ESS OF BEING FULL, although it makes my apetitie increase by a little bit .i want to cut so badly now i cant fight of urges to cut

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Ethnicgirl, would it help at all for you to talk about what your life is like, while all of this is going on? Are you in school? How do the people around you treat you? Are any of them a source of support for you? Apparently, you at least have some medical support. But there are also things in your life that might act as triggers, and it would help you to have some idea what those are.

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Hi Ethnicgirl,

In managing your emotions remember to be good to yourself by finding ways to soothe yourself. Listen to soft music, take a nap, meditation, yoga and exercise helps.

Tell yourself to love yourself and that you are a good person.

Allan :D

i agree , well i do go to school but graduate in June .and yes im workinin on finding my triggers an then make a plan to deal with trigger if i feel it start before it gets out of hand.

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Ethnicgirl, would it help at all for you to talk about what your life is like, while all of this is going on? Are you in school? How do the people around you treat you? Are any of them a source of support for you? Apparently, you at least have some medical support. But there are also things in your life that might act as triggers, and it would help you to have some idea what those are.

i agree , well i do go to school but graduate in June .and yes im workinin on finding my triggers an then make a plan to deal with trigger if i feel it start before it gets out of hand.

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High school, then?

Do you live with your parents (you mentioned you were adopted)?

How do you get along with them?

What are your plans for life after graduation?

Basically, it seems you spend a lot of time focused on your problems; is there a way to develop interests and activities out in the world?

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