Histrionic Personality Disorder

[Joelli]

Can a man with Histrionic Personality Disorder love? It seems from what I have been reading that this person is self centered? I might be wrong, I probably didn't read enough material and it would be nice if i could have some feedback regarding this disorder, I think the person I am seeing for almost one year now, has this disorder (I know, it is about time for me to realize ;-) well anyway, since he doesn't say much I have to search on my own for some answers.

Thank you very much.

Joelle.

[Mark]

That depends on what you mean by "love". If you mean mature love between two independent but inter-dependent adults, possibly not. If you mean the love of a child for a parent, sure thing (keeping in mind that everyone starts with that child love for a parent, but not everyone graduates to become an adult capable of loving on adult terms).

the defining characteristic of any personality disordered individual is a particular kind of developmental delay that causes them to not develop socially and emotionally a wide range of coping mechanisms necessary for negotiating the wide variety of contexts and situations that adults need to negotiate. Such people invariably end up in situations they don't know how ot handle, stuck as they are with only one or two coping mechanims that work for only some contexts and situations. What they do is to try to use what they've got in all situations, and often that leads to a bad fit in many of them. Leading to either themselves feeling upset, or those people around them feeling upset.

Just becuase you suspect that your lover may have a hystronic personality disorder doesn't mean that he has one. and even if he has one that doens't mean he isn't capable of maturing. I'd suggest to you that the thing to do is not to look to diagnoses to help you make your stay/go decision, but rather base it upon how you're being treated, and whether you feel you want that for the long term.

[Joelli]

I agree with you and I didn't jump on just any conclusion saying that he has probably " Histrionic Personality Disorder" it is simply because I have been searching for months now, searching for an explanation, a "remede" to make him feel and see otherwise, it must be something I can do to make him feel better. You are so right when you say "rather base it upon how you're being treated, and whether you feel you want that for the long term." That is for sure, I don't think I would be able to handle his behaviour but he says to me so many different things that makes me believe he wants to change. I just don't want to make a mistake so I am trying to figure out a way of being with him that he sees and feel differently, a way that both of us would be able to handle and live by, it must be something.

I want to thank you for your answer, it is very nice of you to have taken the time to do so.

Sincerely,

Joelle.

[Natalie]

Hi Joelli-

I think if you are going to sustain the relationship, you cannot assume that you can do anything (whether that is giving him literature, making suggestions, etc.) to make your sig. other change. In other words, he is the only one that can change himself, and he has to want to do it as well as committing to do so over the long haul. Also, if this is a long standing pattern of behavior, it may be very, very difficult for him to change significantly into someone that is more ideal for your relationship. So, I would take a hard look at where he is now and see how you feel about that.

I applaud your desire to gain more information; but, it may not be enough to create the change you desire. Encouraging him to develop a relationship with a psychotherapist (who could also provide an accurate diagnosis) would be a "better recipe" for change.