The Reveal

[lifeless existence]

Do you think that you expend more energy defending your painful situation than you do trying to move away from it?

That's why I'm so pissed off. I'm sick and fucking tired of the implication that I'm not trying to do this, not trying to do that, choosing to remain this way, blah, blah, blah. What didn't get fucked up for me (my penis, among other things), I fucked up myself (didn't get a degree, didn't go to work, etc.). Now I am stuck. There really are people in this world who, due to uncontrollable circumstances or a combination of uncontrollable circumstances and bad decisions, truly are stuck and can't create a good life for themselves. I'm one of them. Why can't you get that through your head?

[IrmaJean]

Because I don't believe it, Lifeless. I believe in your potential. The trick is getting you to believe in yourself. I'm not giving up on you. Please don't give up on yourself. Don't give up on women. Don't give up on life. You can do it.

[lifeless existence]

I don't have a life to give up on. That's why my name on here is lifeless existence. I don't live. I just exist. Every day people who have everything I can only dream about are murdered, die in car crashes, etc., and it pisses me off to no end because I want it to be me instead. Why can't I die?

[nearlydead]

What didn't get fucked up for me (my penis, among other things), I fucked up myself (didn't get a degree, didn't go to work, etc.). Now I am stuck.

Used to have exactly the same thought. "My penis is small, so no matter what I do, my life will be shit. What chance did I have stuck between my own useless little penis and my own weak little character. Theres nothing I could of done, and nothing I can do to change my life. Im stuck,"

Its the perfect excuse not to take responsibility for the mistakes we have made, or to take any action to correct those mistakes and make our situation any better. Whats the point, its small and always will be, which makes all effort useless.

Its a bullshit juvenile immature mindset I wish I had had the courage to challenge many years ago. We cannot have the life we want, but we all can make our lives better than they are now. We just need to take responsibility for the things we can change and grow up and accept the things we cannot change. shit init.

Challenge: How does this mindset serve you? Does it relieve you of all responsibility? or does it rob you of hope?

[nearlydead]

I don't have a life to give up on. That's why my name on here is lifeless existence. I don't live. I just exist. Every day people who have everything I can only dream about are murdered, die in car crashes, etc., and it pisses me off to no end because I want it to be me instead. Why can't I die?

There's nothing any of us can do for you Lifeless. Your depression has put you in a hole, I hope you can climb out soon. Its just a cycle, get well.

[lifeless existence]

We cannot have the life we want, but we all can make our lives better than they are now. We just need to take responsibility for the things we can change and grow up and accept the things we cannot change.

I'm not a little kid. I know we all don't get to have what we want in life. About making life better....... To me, it's not a better life if it doesn't include intimate relationships with women. There's a word for having a life that includes dating/marriage, caring and being cared for, and having a loving sexual relationship. It's called "normal". And that's all I want to be. But I can't be. Partly because of things I had no control over and partly because of my own stupidity. So I just wait to die. But I'm getting tired of waiting for it to happen and closer to making it happen. I was driving this evening. Came real close to opening it up and putting it straight into the rocks. I would have if my dad hadn't been with me. I'm not going to take him out too, although I'm sure he would wish I did if I took my own life.

[lifeless existence]

I have been reticent to post on these threads because as a female of course I can never possibly fully understand. However, I do have various issues to do with my body and especially some "parts" consider "sexual". So that side of the negativity is well known to me.

But I wonder whether another female perspective is welcome or would I just be getting in the way!!

Calla, your perspective would most definately be welcome. As a female with body issues, Im sure we have common ground.

Agreed. Feel free to chime in, Calla. And happy birthday to you.

[nearlydead]

To me, it's not a better life if it doesn't include intimate relationships with women.

You can have intimate relations with women, regardless of size or even if you cant get it up. Lesbians do it. Men paralysed do it, afghan vets with blast injurys do it, so why cant you?

The only things both of us cannot change is 1) The Past. 2)Our penis size. Everything else can be worked on

[Calla]

Thank you

I do worry about what I write on this site because I am a bit of a newbie and don't want to say the wrong thing and offend anyone.

But I can say that I completely understand where LE is coming from. I have felt that SO MANY times. Why are other people dying young when I'm still here. That wasn't so much that I wanted to die but that its so unfair that people with good lives die and I'm just existing and wasting my space in this world. I don't say any of this to reinforce the idea but to show understanding. Sometimes on here I feel a bit overwhelmed by people telling me to "do things"....although of course I know the spirit in which it's meant. But when life is a struggle then getting help is a struggle.

I haven't had a sexual relationship for many years and thats mostly down to body issues. And I'm still quite young (ish) and the thought that this is me for the rest of my life is of course hard to take.

So thats a bit about me just to show where I am coming from.

So having said all that...the thought of the people I would leave behind has often stopped me from doing anything. And then when I am rational I realise there are people who care about me and who are part of my life. And just the sheer fact of writing on here and reading other people's posts which help me. People have affected my life from miles away and never having met me. It would be a shame if you weren't all here.

I think finding a relationship is a little bit about luck in all circumstances. But I guess some of us need a little bit more luck.

I used to work with someone who became a close friend who was also concerned about his size. He never had successful relationships. However we could all see that he was actually destroying the relationships before they could get to the next step. Before he had to "reveal" I guess. He didnt give anyone the chance to say how they felt. We also felt that a lot of it was exaggerated in his mind but he never had his feelings validated or dismissed as no one got that close.

I hope all of that made sense!!

[IrmaJean]

I don't understand why you are so sure you can't ever have a loving and caring relationship with a woman. I've seen brief glimpses of your gentle and vulnerable side. A lot of women would really like your gentleness and caring, LE. Even the fact that you express a desire for such things in life is meaningful. Don't underestimate yourself or your potential. The world would be a little darker without your light. You're a human being and you matter.

[nearlydead]

Hi Calla,

Us small men can find alsorts of ways to sabotage ourselves. Sometimes its a defense mechanism, sometimes we do it unintentionally.

As you have your own body image issues, you probably have an insight into the type of shameful feelings we smalls have. Are your issues in the mind or a physical reality?

[lifeless existence]

To me, it's not a better life if it doesn't include intimate relationships with women.

You can have intimate relations with women, regardless of size or even if you cant get it up. Lesbians do it. Men paralysed do it, afghan vets with blast injurys do it, so why cant you?

The only things both of us cannot change is 1) The Past. 2)Our penis size. Everything else can be worked on

Lesbians tend to buy the larger dildos. Seriously. Look it up. Paralyzed men and injured vets get cheated on and ultimately left. Ask any woman with a normal sex drive. It just ain't the same as normal sex.

I replied to your PM. I think things will be much more clear to you now.

[lifeless existence]

I don't understand why you are so sure you can't ever have a loving and caring relationship with a woman. I've seen brief glimpses of your gentle and vulnerable side. A lot of women would really like your gentleness and caring, LE. Even the fact that you express a desire for such things in life is meaningful. Don't underestimate yourself or your potential. The world would be a little darker without your light. You're a human being and you matter.

Im an not gentle. Not even close. If you knew only half the things about me that you don't, you'd agree with me when I say there is no hope for me. This world would be a much, much better place without me. I am the worthless loser of all worhtless losers.

[lifeless existence]

I do worry about what I write on this site because I am a bit of a newbie and don't want to say the wrong thing and offend anyone.

Don't. You couldn't be half as offensive as me, even if you tried.

I haven't had a sexual relationship for many years and thats mostly down to body issues. And I'm still quite young (ish) and the thought that this is me for the rest of my life is of course hard to take.

Right there with ya, except for the youngish part.

I think finding a relationship is a little bit about luck in all circumstances. But I guess some of us need a little bit more luck.

The only luck I've had since the day I was born is bad luck.

He never had successful relationships.

Me either.

I hope all of that made sense!!

It did.

[lifeless existence]

The sun is coming up again. Yet another entire night without sleep. Isn't life just fucking awesome?!

[Calla]

I disagree, you were the first person to say Happy Birthday to me today and made me smile. How would the world have been better without that? That might not mean much to you but it did to me. Sometimes we may not notice our value but it's there.

As for my issues, there are many physical things that affect me. Again I don't have those feelings validated or dismissed so I'm not sure. In my "up" moods I think it is there but exaggerated in my mind. I don't destroy any relationships I just don't let anyone within a mile of me anyway. I feel the only way to change it would be if someone could see past it and see the real me. But I can see I'm not letting them near enough for that.

I guess thats similar.

Like ND said though people have loving fufilled relationships with varying intimacy. I genuinely can say that the women I know fall in love with the man not the size. But I know thats easy to say and doesn't tally with everyones experience.

[IrmaJean]

Im an not gentle. Not even close. If you knew only half the things about me that you don't, you'd agree with me when I say there is no hope for me. This world would be a much, much better place without me. I am the worthless loser of all worhtless losers.

Please be gentle with yourself. I know well that you have the capacity to be gentle. I've seen it, more than once. You were actually pretty awesome on one of the other threads today. As to the things I don't know about you...I'm listening. You won't reveal anything that will change my opinion about there being hope for you.

[Aries70]

My desire isn't to play mind games and mental gymnastics by discussing shallow self talk--- that only takes you 100 steps on the 5000 meter steeplechase of life. I'd much rather talk about real actions and steps to make life changes... the real question or challenge is--- who is willing to take the "Heroes Journey" (also from Joseph Campbell) with me? I'll start the process and we can do this as a team, and the 1st step is to sign on-- nothing to loose and the potential to regain some of lost life is there.

With the greatest of compassion and understanding,

David O

I know a bit on Joseph Campbell;'hero with a thousand faces' and all that.'Follow your bliss' is my favorite. The problem is the very concept of a hero;in that by definition it is somebody that stands out,whether its because of his superior intellect , intuition,morality, or ,more than likely,his physical prowess.We cant all be heroes,it would defeat the purpose of a hero, which is to be a beacon, an example for the rest to follow.I think that with out us, the losers,heroes and 'normal' guy's are not validated.We are the yin to their yang;we balance the universe.Of course we love and we deserve to be loved in return,but the fact of the matter is that we find ourselves at a disadvantage, we tend to be "less desirable" as partners.Life sucks in general,but for some of us,life is a dyson.:mad:.......................................................Aunque nunca he sido perseguido por la ley de este pais primo, yo soy hijo de migrantes primo, yo levante chile y tomate y pepinos y cebolla en mi juventud; te mando buena vibra y buenos deseos primo.Salud y buena suerte!

[nearlydead]

I'd much rather talk about real actions and steps to make life changes

Count me in. David would it be better for you to start a new thread, so stuff is easier to find.

[lifeless existence]

David, you know damn well that accusing us of not wanting to change is offensive. You know exactly what you're getting at, so you can leave out that "English isn't my first language" stuff in this instance. You say you don't want to play games. Don't play dumb either.

None of us are defending a dysfunction because it's not a dysfunction. The most rock solid study ever conducted found that 7 out of 10 women with a small partner prefer something larger. So when we say that we're not good enough for most women, it's the truth, not a cognitive distortion.

I wish I could get unstuck. Sometimes the pile of shit gets too deep for one to get out from under it.

[malign]

I hope you won't take this as any form of insult, or attempt to anger you, or whatever. I've got a different view of things, that's all.

What are you willing to change, LE?

I know what you can't change as well as you do, by now.

What can you change?

How does your penis size make you unqualified for work? For conversation with nice people you like? Even for loving a woman?

I can see how some things might be more difficult, after what you've been through, but it would be impossible to convince me that they're impossible.

I'll quote David, at the risk of getting him in trouble instead of me: "The meaning of life is what you bring to it." So yeah, if you bring me that the meaning of life is how big you are, then yeah, you're screwed. There are other possible meanings, that's all any of us has ever tried to tell you.

[lifeless existence]

What can you change?

Very little. And changing what I can won't be nearly enough for me to get a good life.

How does your penis size make you unqualified for work?

It doesn't. But the fact that I'm in my mid-30's with a grand total of two years work experience, no job at all in nearly 8 years, and no references makes me unqualified for all of them except the ones where everyone looks down at the people who do them. You think women in their mid-30's dream of marrying the toilet scrubber? How about the trash collector? Think my mid-30's peers want to have the burger-flipping, perpetually broke (minimum wage doesn't leave much for social expenses) failure among their group of friends?

Even for loving a woman?

Oh, I can love a woman. If she's like most, she won't want to have sex with me and won't enjoy it if she does, but I can still love her.

So yeah, if you bring me that the meaning of life is how big you are, then yeah, you're screwed. There are other possible meanings, that's all any of us has ever tried to tell you.

Malign, do you honestly believe that I think penis size is the meaning of life? Come on.

[malign]

No, I don't (and thank you for being willing to discuss this with me). What I don't understand is, what do you feel is the meaning of life? That would seem to me to be the starting point of any constructive conversation.

Okay, like I said, some things will be difficult. I took a job in a drug store when I was in my 20's (I know, you'll say that's different) and I dropped out of college to stay at it. I started at minimum wage, though after a year or so, I was promoted. I too had no prior work history to speak of, and yeah, I started at the bottom. But you're not stupid; you'd move up, as long as you were a willing worker (many aren't, at that level, and managers notice.) The point I'm making is, again, it's because you don't think this will work, that this wouldn't work.

Maybe you need a less snobby group of friends? ;-)

Mine knew where I worked, even after I dropped out.

You do realize that most men get left by their girlfriends, at some point or another? It's not something that uniquely happens to small men. Another question I've often wanted to ask, but neither of us knows the answer: your survey says that 70% of women "prefer" a larger man, but what really matters is whether they'd leave him over it, or not. Or is it?

[lifeless existence]

What I don't understand is, what do you feel is the meaning of life?

I don't know what the meaning of life is. The universe is infinite. Why does anything or anyone exist (rhetorical question, unless you really do have the answer, in which case you owe the entire universe an explanation)? But I know what's truly important, and I'd like to have those things.

(I know, you'll say that's different)

Well, it is. What's considered an acceptable job for someone at one age is not considered acceptable for someone older. Teenage boys often start bagging groceries after school as a first job. It's common and perfectly acceptable. People don't respect the 40 year old grocery bagger. They make fun of him when they get back to their car.

your survey says that 70% of women "prefer" a larger man, but what really matters is whether they'd leave him over it, or not. Or is it?

Both matter a lot, malign. You don't have any idea how much it hurts to have sex with a woman and at the same time be fully conscious of the fact that she'd enjoy it more if your penis was normal size and is likely wishing it was at that very moment. It hurts. It hurts beyond belief. Even if she decides to settle and not leave, it's still going to hurt. You know she's settling. You know she's not getting the enjoyment that she could be. Just thinking about that and typing it hurts me more than you'll ever know. I can't even fantasize about a woman without getting severely depressed because I know if I was with the fantasy woman in real life, I wouldn't be enough.

[nearlydead]

David, dont bother with the others, just cure me, Im the only one who counts.

My main problems that I would like help with are 1. Small penis issues. 2. Selfishness. 3. grandiose self importance.