The Reveal

[IrmaJean]

Lifeless, you are not being respectful. Please be respectful. David is trying to help.

[lifeless existence]

You wanted him here. You were fully aware of our mutual dislike for each other.

[lifeless existence]

To whomever left me negative feedback for "disrespecting other members": Open your fucking eyes and see who disrespected who first.

[Calla]

Ahhh, I see. You make me look bad for finding amusement in something I don't understand being from England. Well I take back finding it funny.

We have some americans working in my gym.....do they belong there then ? Don't use this forum as an excuse to air day to day grievences.

[lifeless existence]

He's made posts attacking me before. He asked for everything he's getting.

Are the Americans working in your gym an enormous burden on the UK? Do they refuse to pay taxes? Do they clog up your hospitals, leaving behind billions in unpaid debt? Didn't think so.

[IrmaJean]

Stop now, Lifeless, or I'll ban you temporarily.

[lifeless existence]

This is your doing. Don't forget it.

[Calla]

Oh ok thats ok....you go ahead and generalise....because you have your problems it's ok for you to say these thinks isn't it?

And here I was, on your side more than anyone I've spoken to on here....so what do you do. Round of applause you've done it again. But don't forget I am a person....I have feelings as do other people here.

Those americans are taking jobs from my English friends.....but I'm not going to berate someone I've never met who is trying to help me because of those damn american gym workers. What do you give back to society? Just out of interest?

[Calla]

Before anyone bans me.....that was meant ironically!

[lifeless existence]

Calla, what if I told you that your suffering is all that's important to you in life....like David has said to me tonight? Would it upset you? Or would you be okay with it?

[IrmaJean]

Lifeless, my entire motivation all along has been to help you. I'm a convenience store cashier so sometimes I ask for help. I have done so in order to better help you. This has been done out of caring. David is my friend and he deserves respect too, as everyone does. I know you are hurting, but you can't treat others this way. This won't help you. What about this morning when you offered words of kindness to someone else? Didn't that feel good?

[lifeless existence]

Lifeless, you may not like what I've said, but I ask you to show more restraint in your responses. I deleted your open threat to me b/c it does cross a boundary and does violates the forum rules.

I have no problem talking and being challenged, this happens often enough to all of us, but I think you went too far.

But of course you can't see where you went too far. Sorry to have to break this to you, but you're no better than anyone else here. You're no more wise. You've been through no greater trauma. Watch your step coming down off the pedestal. It's pretty high up.

[Calla]

LE.....Please believe me that most of the time I really feel we are coming from the same place. Just sometimes I don't understand. But who is going to understand everything always. And the Anger......oh I SO understand that. But I just realised that attacking others has never helped. Although it is always there ready to strike.....so you watch what you say ;P

But in a strange way my suffering IS all thats important to me right now because it's all I see. So that wouldn't bother me in the way it has you. But I do like to listen and understand. Do you ever know what you would like people to say to you? If that makes sense?

[lifeless existence]

I know you are hurting, but you can't treat others this way.

But it's okay for me to be attacked and treated this way. I see how it is here now. We're just the lowly members. The "experts" (and I use that term very, very loosely in this case) have free reign to say whatever they want.

What about this morning when you offered words of kindness to someone else? Didn't that feel good?

So I should offer kind words to David for saying that what's truly important to me is my suffering? He doesn't have a clue what's important to me. Hell, you all's suffering is more important to me than my own. Do you know that I'd jump in front of a bullet for a lot of you here? I've been worried sick about D Dub after the way he left us. I worry about nearlydead. I worry about Recluse. I worry about the new guy I've been communicating with because I know what he's facing. I worry about you, IrmaJean. More people than I can even name. But oh no...what's truly important to me is own suffering.

[lifeless existence]

ifeless, maybe an explanation is needed since I said it tongue in cheek and even told you so when I said I was being sarcastic.

Don't backpedal. You said that your sarcastic assumption was correct.

[Calla]

i#m worried about D Dub even though I never really got to speak to him. Has anyone heard from him?

[Calla]

LE....you're in that angry mode now yes or no?

[IrmaJean]

No one is attacking you, Lifeless. You perceive this time and time again when it is not happening. David never said anything mean-spirited to you. You, however, said mean-spirited things to him. No one is suggesting that you aren't caring... Lifeless, there is something here and that's why you are so upset.

[lifeless existence]

I'm in a lot of modes right now, Calla. Angry is definitely one of them. I was just depressed and anxious. I even went outside for a while to try to cope. And look what was waiting for me when I got back. Another attack...adding anger to my already overwhelmed system. I didn't need that. And I most certainly didn't deserve it.

[IrmaJean]

It wasn't an attack, LE. We're trying to help.

[lifeless existence]

David never said anything mean-spirited to you.

To me what he said about my suffering being what's truly important to me is mean-spirited.

You, however, said mean-spirited things to him.

Your damn right I did. What's that saying about doing unto others? You take a swing at me and I swing back. Only I swing back ten times as hard.

[IrmaJean]

But he didn't do it with ill intent. I'm sorry that it hurts. How about considering why it hurts so much?

[Calla]

I do understand that....believe me I do. Even the words of advice attack me sometimes. It's all so easy to change your perspective and change your life etc. I'm there, I know it.

It makes me angry and defence mode kicks in. I HAVE BEEN THERE.

I just want you to know that.....little difference that it makes. But I understand.

How was "outside". Weather was crap here today but I blame that on my birthday!!!!

[IrmaJean]

That which triggers you holds much information about you. Get inside of it and see what it means. It's a learning experience.

[lifeless existence]

Calla, your words may not make a difference to everyone, no one's does....but your words do make a difference to some. You can count me among them. There are others here in that group as well. You know how I knew it was your birthday? When I saw your post here and read that you were interested in adding to our discussion, I went and read some of your posts from the other forums and also your blog entry. You made enough of a difference to me by just offering to add your voice here, that I wanted to know your story so that maybe I could offer you something in return. Your voice matters.

To answer your question, going outside didn't have the effect I was hoping it would. The weather here was absolutely beautiful today. I blame it on your birthday.