tobeistohope Posted July 18, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 18, 2010 Thank you Lala. I hope everyting goes well for you while your therapist is on vacation. And I hope everything is going well while he is here too!When I have been getting anxious about him being gone, I have listened to the message he left me. Do you think that is kind of wierd? :confused: It really helps calm me. And, also, I read somewhere on here that putting your hand on your chest right below the throat is very self-soothing also, I have been trying it, and it really does work! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted July 18, 2010 Report Share Posted July 18, 2010 I don't think it's weird at all, TBONTB. This seems a way of holding the connection and the safety of the feelings within the connection. I took a lot of comfort in the sound of my former therapist's voice as well. I still have his business card and very occasionally will hold it in my hand and look at it. It's a reminder of him. Our therapeutic relationship represents a turning point in my life. So it reminds me that I really can do this, on my own. You can too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaLa Posted July 18, 2010 Report Share Posted July 18, 2010 Thank you, Tobe You listening to his message remind me the book The gift of therapy by Yalom: He wrote there (if I remeber it well - maybe it was elsewhere, but it's not important...) that many of his patients felt alleviated even when he didn't answer the phone (as he couldn't at that moment) only because they heard his voice in his "setting equipment" (-I've found the expression in the dictionary but am not sure if it's the one I need (as it sounds strange to me ;-P)... hope you undersand ;-)). So... it seems it's pretty commun How about your ex? Did something change?And... I'd like to say I'm sorry that you don't have a close friend as you've mentioned recently . Wouldn't you like to write us sometimes what could be the reasons? Don't you know anybody who you'd like to be friends with? Or are you too afraid that nobody would like to befriend you? I hope that as your therapy will help you to feel better about yourself, you'll succeed soon to find a good, close friend, too... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tobeistohope Posted July 18, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 18, 2010 Hello Lala and everyone else!As for my X, he is now in jail because he did not register when he left St. Louis. So, now we have to deal with that. As angry as I am with him for going to jail for such a stupid reason, I cannot help but feel sorryfor him tool. As I may have mentioned before, he is definatly a sociopath, lies all of the time, no conscious, never about to hold a job, etc. He is sick and need s help, which he will probably not find in prison.As for friends, so many have caused me to distrust ppl, I just don't get close to anyone anymore. :mad: It is easier that way.I am definatly missing my therapist. Thanks to you guys am not feeling quite as "abnormal" as I did after I listened to his message again! :eek: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tobeistohope Posted July 21, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2010 Somewhere on this site I read that a good self-soothing technique is to put your hand over your chest underneath your throat. I have been trying it, and it has worked very effectively for me! Good one! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaLa Posted July 21, 2010 Report Share Posted July 21, 2010 Hello, I see you're online What's new? How are you? I hope you're fine... P.S.: You were faster than me (in writing) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tobeistohope Posted July 21, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2010 I am doing pretty good. Hope you are too! I am getting ready to go to my Psychology class and give my report on Robert Sternberg, who has done work in intellegence and love. I'm a little nervous, but, I think I'll do ok. Only one more week until I get to see my therapist. Do you see yours this week? I have just finished reading Love's Executioner and The Gift of Therapy by Yalom! Wonderful books. Sometimes I wish my therapist was as open as him, but I'm pretty sure he does the non-dirctive type of therapy. Either way, I will be relieved to talk to him again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaLa Posted July 22, 2010 Report Share Posted July 22, 2010 Hi, Tobe,I'm so confused: I just replied to your thread in the Urgent help forum and here you say you're OK... :confused: I'm sorry it changed so quickly I'm glad you enjoyed the books by Yalom!!! Will you read some more from his books?And now I see your have at least one activity that you can enjoy except for eating: Reading! That's great! I didn't know you have psychology classes! Wow! Could you write more about it? And my therapist; I hope I will see him in few hours...Have a nice day!L. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaLa Posted July 22, 2010 Report Share Posted July 22, 2010 So... my session today was good. I still "have my emotions with me" being there, don't "suppress" them anymore and it's so fine. Today I even wept for a while.He told me that my "emtional inhibition" may be related to the fact that as a little child, I percieved my mom to be very busy (you know; she has always been single) and very great and I didn't wanted to make her more problems, so I wanted to be good and also not to show some emotions that could make her worry. I don't know. I remember myself as a quite bad child, I became "good" only around 10-11, when I realized better that I should "be good". But who knows?And he also explained me that I missed (without realizing it, but really missed!) my father, because every child needs two people to evaluate , appreciate, comment him/her, ... The two people may sometimes disagree what is also important. And so on. It souded nice to me... But... I don't want you to feel bad now about being a single mom! It's not always true that children without father are unhappy or have bad problems. He told me that maybe there still is just a small desert in me which needs a rain. The rain being appreciation and even love of "somebody" - I'm sure he meant "a father figure" (so... this time, himself, as he "became a father figure" for me...). Mmm... I told him "I don't know". But then I was sitting there without saying a word and... this time the silence was so beautiful! I "was feeling his presence" almost the same way as IrmaJean sometimes described here. And I started to weep and... told him that I don't want to deal with my emotions now, I don't want to talk about these issues, as it's to unimportant now, when I have much more acute and worse problems, ... and at the same time, I was thinking of you and how I always write you that your feelings are important, so I felt almost like a hypocrite... But... I think that in that moments, in the silence, his presence was like the rain for my desert . And it's important that I realized that at the same time as I started to feel it, I tried to refuse it. I want to talk about this nexttime. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tobeistohope Posted July 22, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 22, 2010 Yes, I was doing fine yesterday until I overate, and then very fast I began to feel the self hate, anger, and anxiety come on and very strong. I am glad you got to see your therapist today. I, too, think we all need a father figure. It is important. But, I also think no father is better that a bad father. I'm sorry I am not feeling like writing very much now, as my anxiety is still very bad, and has been all day. I will try to get back tonight at write some more.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaLa Posted July 23, 2010 Report Share Posted July 23, 2010 But, I also think no father is better that a bad father. Yes, this is certainly absolutely true! I have always thought the same! I'm so glad I have no father instead of a bad one!!!I hope your anxiety will disappear soon...So you study psychology? At a college? As "a hobby"? Because of your therapy (-you've become interested), or you started before entering the therapy? And... if you'd like to share more: I wonder what's your job (?).I'm looking forward to your posts! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tobeistohope Posted July 23, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 23, 2010 Well, I work at an activity center for the developmentally disabled, and have been there for 5 yrs. I began going to college in January, part time,not really knowing what I wanted to major in, but after taking my first psychology class this summer, I have decided that is what I want to major in. It is very interesting to me. And what about you? Are you a stay at home mom (I think this is probably the most important job in the world!) or do you work outside of the home? I am feeling a little bit better today, no nightmares lst night! i'm off to work, will type with you later! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaLa Posted July 23, 2010 Report Share Posted July 23, 2010 Mmm... This sounds like a very psychically hard job! Or does it bring you mostly positive feelings? It's hard to imagine for me if it's mostly hard or mostly pleasant. It has to be both, I suppose... Probably it depends only on you, how you take it; what dominates there for you...I really admire that you decided to go to college! Moreover, when struggling with depression and anxiety! That's great! I think it's an important "part of your therapy", as it can give you new proofs of your ablilities and give you occupation for the time when you would otherwise probably "sit at home and feeling depressed"!Are you a stay at home mom? I'm not a mom (yet?)... Yes, I'm married, for about 1,5 year now, but... now we are not in a situation suitable for having children. We are both PhD stutents (in biochemistry) supposed to finish the study this year. My husband just finishes his PhD thesis (disertation), so... he is writing all nights long since april... quite "depressive", sometimes... And me... I should wirte, too, but... this is my major problem which forced me to enter therapy: I avoid my work. Litterarly avoid. I discussed it here in several other threads, so... I'm sorry, I don't want to explain it all in detail here... My "progress" was that I finished the Introduction (26 pages) in the end of June, but since then, ... "I'm there again" - I can't continue. It seems that my therapist thinks that the priority are my emotional needs and then, when I will be really very fine, I'll be able to work and to make decisions about my future. Yes; this is another important issue in my therapy: I have no idea (only fear and despair!) about my future. Maybe it's also one of the reasons why I avoid finishing the "study", because then I would have to decide, but I can't... One of the most complicated things is that we have to coordinate our decisions with my huband, who is a perspective scientist and thus he should go abroad (it's a "habit" - to go to a foreign lab for some years after PhD.), but me, I don't want to leave, but I don't want to "break" his career, neither. Moreover, I don't want to stay in science anymore, but have no idea what to do... So, that's it. These are the most acute problems. And that's why I wept (see a previous post about my session) when he talked about my emotionnal needs and I felt I "shouldn't" care about them so much now, when they are already almost fulfilled, because I have so much more important problems to solve... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tobeistohope Posted July 23, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 23, 2010 Well, I love college, but I would imagine that by the time anyone would get to their Phd, they would be very tired of school. I hope you are able to figure out what to do with the situation along with the help of your therapist. As for my job, it is very stressful at times, and also rewarding. I have been there for 5 yrs now, and am tiring of it. I am looking for something else where they will work around my college schedule. You asked if I will be reading anymore books by Yalom. Do you know of a good one that I might enjoy. I really enjoy reading about how different therapists do the therapy.Hope you are having a good day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaLa Posted July 24, 2010 Report Share Posted July 24, 2010 Thank you! I do have a nice day today Well, I've read only two books by Yalom: Except for "The gift of therapy", I've read "When Nietzsche wept" and I enjoyed it very much. It's not really "about therapy", but it's a fiction about "how could it look like if Dr. Breuer (Freud's teacher) invented psychoanalysis before Freud" It's a very strong story. With some nice "fragments" of philosophy. You might like it, too, and it might be also interesting in the context of your study.Have a nice weekend, too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tobeistohope Posted July 25, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2010 If you have not read Love's Executioner by Yalom, you may enjoy it. He goes through his 10 most memorable cases in it. I enjoyed it a lot. I will have to look for the other one. My anxiety is a little better today, and I am glad it is. I walked for 20 minutes today, but I also overate. I'm trying not to get too upset about it, but it is hard not to. So frustrating not to be able to stop this overeating. It has been going on all of my life and I hate it. :mad: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tobeistohope Posted July 28, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 28, 2010 Well, I finally get to go and talk to my therapist today. I am going without my son today, I feel like there is so much going on that I will need the whole hour. I have been so angry with myself about my overeating, and that nightmare I has last week is still in the front of my mind, and there is the transference issue which he did not email me back about, so, I am assuming he will bring it up today. And I am feelin so hopeless about my future. What is the use of being alive and walking around if I am not walking around happy? That has been on my mind alot lately, too. There are abandonment issurs going on, too. My therapist going away again so soon made me feel so unloved and unimportant, even though I realize that this therapy relationship is not like any other. So, here I go again! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ASchwartz Posted July 28, 2010 Report Share Posted July 28, 2010 Tobe,Hang on there. Just because you are not happy today does not mean you won't feel happy later today or tomorrow. We are here for you even when your therapist is away.Allan:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tobeistohope Posted July 28, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 28, 2010 And you don't know how glad I am that you all are here even when my therapist isn't. This community has helped me to no end. The thing about maybe being happy tomorrow even though I am not today, it's just so hard because I never know when I am going to be happy. I never know when the deep depression is going to set in and how long it well be before I will come out of it. This, in my opinion is not the way to liive, in fact it is not really living, it is just surviving. I want to be happy so bad, and I want to embrace life and have energy to enjoy it. Do you understand? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaLa Posted July 28, 2010 Report Share Posted July 28, 2010 Yes, I do understand, Tobe ... I know it might sound a bit silly ("too optimistic"), but... I think it's great that you want to be happy and feel the strong need. Because... as you surely know, depression can lead even to the loss of this need and wish - to a total resignation. Maybe it seems to be a too small "blessing" to you, but... I think... you may allow yourself to enjoy it's presence . And moreover; you are not only passively waiting for "a miracle"; you are doing something good and important for yourself (-the therapy, the study). When you compare your life before the therapy and now, can you feel a difference? I suppose you consider it too small, but... it is there and it is important. And it will grow! How was your session today?P.S.: I've learned from another thread that your name is Amy! Can I call you Amy here? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tobeistohope Posted July 30, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 30, 2010 Yes, I suppose just the presence of the fact that I want so bad to be happy is a plus, but at the same time it is very frustrating. I want to get up in the morning and look forward to the day.My session went good, I guess. We talked about me wanting to punish myself, and about transference. He explained that what he meant about it getting in the way of therapy would be that someone would become so infatuated with the therapist that all they wanted to concentrate on is him and not the real reason they are there in the first place. Of course, I did not tell him about the fantasies! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaLa Posted July 30, 2010 Report Share Posted July 30, 2010 Yes, I suppose just the presence of the fact that I want so bad to be happy is a plus, but at the same time it is very frustrating. I want to get up in the morning and look forward to the day.I see... I hope it will come soon...He explained that what he meant about it getting in the way of therapy would be that someone would become so infatuated with the therapist that all they wanted to concentrate on is him and not the real reason they are there in the first place.That's great! Now you can be much more relaxed - not so anxious about expressing your feelings! (-By this, I really don't mean the fantasies, "don't worry"! I mean mainly the feeling about him leaving you and so on - which you discussed yesterday.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tobeistohope Posted July 31, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 31, 2010 I feel so sad today. I don't know why. The tears are there but, as usual, they won't come out. Been having trouble with phobias lately. I'm thinking it's because there is so much pain inside that won't come out that it is causing these phobia problems. :confused: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaLa Posted August 1, 2010 Report Share Posted August 1, 2010 Hello, Amy,I'm sorry you feel so sad... Don't you really know why? Something had to "trigger" it, I suppose...What kind of phobia do you have?Surprisingly, I feel sad now, too. But it's "only" because an on-going conflict with my husband... I don't want to meet his expectances and he's too sad and disappointed. And I'm sorry about it, but... I don't want to do everything he wants for him He thinks his expectances are very easy to meet, but not me. And... maybe I should say that it's all only about such a stupid issue: He wants me to change my haircut, but I really dislike the one he loves. Stupid, isn't it? I wouldn't be so worried about it, but he is - he can be deeply desperate because of such "stupid" (in my eyes) reasons... I used to take it as my own guilt, but now, thanks to my therapist, I see that I have the right to refuse what I don't want to. And I have, for quite long time already, a feeling that my husband needs therapy, too. (Not only because of this one "stupid" reason!) Surprisingly, my therapist came to the same conclusion. But my husband doesn't want it. He's sure that "nobody could help him" because he doesn't need to change himself, but the world... I hope you're better today... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tobeistohope Posted August 1, 2010 Author Report Share Posted August 1, 2010 Oh, Lala, I'm sorry you are having a hard time with your husband. I have been single for a long time, but, I always thought how nice it would be to have a husband who supports what I want and need and vice versa. I hope things get better. Maybe you could try offering him your support on something he wants to do and ask him for his on the haircut thing. I don't know your husband, but you know him and if it may work or not. Today is a new day. I hope it is a good one for us and everyone on here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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