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Don't read this.


eNIGMA
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There. You've officially been warned :) Been gone a few days... Sorry if you missed me.

"Enigma, do you always have to hit so hard? I know that you feel sensitive about this subject, but you bring a very controversial and sensitive topic to the table so you elicit strong reactions."

People got the responses they were fishing for. We were having a perfectly reasonable discussion until comments like "In reading what you have written I am sickened", and "Why you have a need to defend these acts is beyond me. Do you have a statistic of people who use statistics to defend their rationizations?". You don't find these statements at all provocative? If people can't seem to handle openly discussing facts and questioning their own biases before vomiting all over a thread, then they are the ones who need moderating. My posts were simply a reaction to inappropriate statements.

I realize I bring an unpopular view of this topic. I do it here, because this is the only goddamn place I have. I can lose everything out here in the real world. Besides, I thought it would be a refreshing change of pace for you all to actually have to defend your popular opinion. Not a single one of you has been able to do so. So tell me...

What use is clinging to something if you cannot justify it's necessity?

First of all, I was a victim of an adult who violated me when i was about 10, so with that said, isn't he the type of guy you are describing of yourself?

He "played" with my innocence months before anything happened and he was a neighbor just being friendly and used that to "seduce" me. So, am I guilty of being a slut or a whore?

With a standardized and comprehensive early childhood education on sexuality, safety, and protection, you would have known much more about the situation he was luring you into. If anything, the changes I talk about make it harder for these kinds of people to take advantage of anyone without coming right out and kidnapping or threatening. From his perspective, maybe it's just as risky downloading stuff online as it is seducing the neighbor. You can go to prison for both. So what's really the deterrent in crossing that line?

And no, I'm absolutely not that type of guy. I'm not out looking to 'seduce' anyone. If anything, I've been the one being seduced in the past. I didn't ask for this. I'm dealing with it the best way I can. It doesn't help when, say, girls are eating fluff off each other in front of me. I highly doubt that's something you did in front of your neighbor. If I'm wrong, then I stand corrected.

But under no circumstance would I consider you a slut or whore. I just don't view casual sexuality as a 'dirty' thing anymore (not that I am capable of it - I wish I were, but I'm too shy). And the age difference between consenting partners is not so relevant to me. My perspective has expanded. We're on a 4.5 billion year old ball of rock hurtling through space. There's countless mysteries all around us. And here we are squabbling about the difference between a 16 year old and an 18 year old and putting people in prison. We're trying to explain why a back/foot massage is okay, but a kiss is not. Or a breast. It's all so petty. Give children the knowledge they need to avoid situations that they ultimately do not want to be in. From there, it's not anyone's business what a person does with their own body.

I'm against abortion, for example. I think it's horrible. But I'd never support a law banning it. I have no right to judge another person, or impose my morality on them. You can call it murder, I'd call it a gray area - Both sides have valid points. I would encourage them to explore other options first, but this is her decision.

I feel the same about drug use. Free your mind to empathize. The problem in today's world is that people have such strong convictions, yet can't tell you why. Question everything. Politics. Laws. Religion. Don't be content with popular opinion. Challenge it. Test it's validity.

Edited by eNIGMA
typo
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eNIGMA:

Your debate is TRIGGERING. This forum is designated a SAFE SPACE. Its intended purpose is to be therapeutic and healing and your debate is threatening this. This is the reason the previous thread, was closed.

I can understand that you like debate and this topic is close to your heart. Hopefully you don’t intend to harm anyone, simply debate. I enjoy debating too, it's a fun intellectual game of strategy and logic. Especially interesting, is having to defend a motion you don’t agree with.

But this not a debating forum.

This is a therapeutic area and that requires SAFETY. This forum is not like the Real World, which has been, or is, harsh and cruel in one way or another to most, if not all, of us. We seek refuge here. The intention is for us to feel safe enough to lay down our burdens and open ourselves up, to lay bare what may be our innermost fears, guilt, shame, regrets, to release the pain we have been carrying, often alone. When we can open ourselves in an atmosphere where we are not criticised, judged or rejected but simply heard and accepted as we are, this is powerfully healing. Opening wounds is painful and frightening and makes us vulnerable, and where our wounds are exceptionally deep, extremely so.

In this context, the understanding of the concept of a ‘trigger’ is vitally important. A trigger is something that reminds one of a significantly wounding, damaging, past hurt. (It “triggers” a memory.) This causes the emotions felt back then, to flood back in as if it were all happening again and these emotions are deep, and very frightening. When we’re open and fragile, this feels like a knife turning in the wound, as if salt were poured into it.

We MUST respect and be aware, that although we mean no harm to anyone, others may have triggers that we don’t know of even though we didn’t put them there. Some subjects are just too triggering to bring into this forum as they inevitably trigger. Defending something, as you do, that has deeply scarred other people, falls into this category. Besides being threatening, it is unkind, inconsiderate, disrespectful, hurtful and harmful. You can put any number of warnings in your subject line, it’s still triggering and offensive. (And really, putting “Don’t read this” as your subject has to be the most baiting of them all, don't you think?)

The people who responded to the previous thread were not “fishing”. They were not debating with you. They were standing up as advocates against something that can deeply damage people. The previous thread, where you defended your point of view, triggered flashbacks and panic attacks for some members and this is why it was closed.

Whether you are right or wrong is besides the point. Whether or not you can prove what you say is irrelevant. Whether or not you ‘win’ the argument by proving yourself right is completely immaterial and means nothing in this context. This isn’t a debating forum. This is a support forum. Preserving safety is the prime concern.

Thomas Paine once said, “He that would make his own liberty secure, must guard even his enemy from opposition, for if he violates this duty, he establishes a precedent that will reach himself.” Within this forum, our liberty is the liberty to feel safe and accepted just as we are, to feel safe in revealing aspects of ourselves that are frightening to reveal, without judgement. Threats to this liberty have to be guarded against carefully, if this forum is to remain the warm, welcoming and safe space that it is.

You are at liberty to agree or disagree with this. You are at liberty to debate and prove anything you wish. BUT NOT HERE. In this forum, the right to be safe trumps the right to ‘free speech’, where this speech may harm others and we defend this liberty passionately.

Everyone is accepted whatever your issue - if it’s an issue for you it’s a valid issue. Our ethos here is that whatever your struggle, you are a worthwhile person, simply by virtue of your being. In respecting you, we ask that you respect others in turn. Please, everybody, take a brief moment before submitting a post, to apply the Golden Rule and consider the effect your words may have on others, so that you may be accorded the same respect. And eNIGMA, now that you know, we look forward to seeing you in other threads around the forum, or in creating your own. You’re no less welcome here than anyone else.

I am closing this topic for debate, but I won’t close this thread, so that you and anyone else may have a chance to respond.

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I don't see any good that can come out of leaving this thread active. I am therefore locking it. Lindamomof7, whether you agree or disagree with opinions expressed, name calling and anger in the way you expressed is not appropriate nor will it be tolerated. It's time to put this topic to rest.

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