grotfairy Posted August 18, 2008 Report Share Posted August 18, 2008 My mother was diagnosed with post-natal depression when I was born (over 30 years ago) and has been taking medication off and on ever since. She has always been irrational and difficult to manage. As a very young child I lost respect for her and learned that my mother was often an obstacle that had to be ‘negotiated’ rather than taken very seriously. I have always found her very difficult, enormously over emotional and self-centred. I moved away from home when I was 20 and although our relationship was relatively stable and free from arguments, she was one of the reasons I had to move away as I found her suffocating and unable to respect anybodies’ emotional space (although my siblings seem more able to tolerate this). Since I moved away, her mental state deteriorated dramatically. She was admitted into hospital for her mental state many times, received ECT, increased her medication and became unbearably selfish and often painfully spiteful. My difficulty now is that I cannot bear to be around her. The rest of my family (I was the only one to move away) seem to have adopted a ‘well that’s just Mum, you have to make allowances’ approach to her, but I find her absolutely poisonous. I struggle to move on from the things she did and said to us as children, largely because she has never offered a convincing apology. She either cannot remember it (largely owing to the medication she has taken over the last 30+ years) or is so self-centred that the only apology you get is: ‘I was going through a bad patch. We all make mistakes’. I am not even at the point where ‘forgiveness’ is something I am aiming for. I think ‘forgiveness’ is such a value laden term. I just need to be able to move on from it and put the past behind me. I can normally cope with her by keeping my distance and not talking to her about anything that means anything to me (self-preservation, if you will). I recently got married abroad and although I understand her disappointment, she seemed hell bent on ruining my wedding. I need to find a way of moving on and not letting her eat away at me anymore. I can never actually tell her how I feel about her and how despicable I think her behaviour was as it would be too cruel, would not achieve anything and would make the rest of my families lives miserable. Everybody else seems to be able to make allowances for her, but surely if you have depression, you are still responsible for your behaviour? She has done and said some truly horrible things but never holds herself accountable for any of it. I think I either need to emotionally distance myself from her further in the interests of self-preservation, or find a way of keeping my head together when she is around me. One of the thing that always irritated me about her was her emotional weakness, and I am so angry at myself for not being able to shake this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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