im at a loss of words wot to name this

[sasunaru]

its been idk like 8+ months since i last sighned on here i thought keeping evrything bottled up and letting out nothing would help... well im way beyond wrong i reli dont kno where to post this since i dont kno wots wrong with me

1 min im fine the next min it feels like the end of the world then i feel sad then i feel angry i guess somewhat bi polar but this usually only happens when im alone most of the things only usually do unless somthing triggors it infront of my family and friends its well i call it a mask but diff ppl can refer to it as w\e they please they dont kno wots going on inside my mind its like at constant war with itself and i feel im being engulphed into my mind and its a horrible feeling i think it mite be cuz i overthink and take evrything way to literally and i have reli bad problems with sleep so i spend hours looking at the ceiling and thinking abt this crap and reading up on pyschology things or self help things doesnt work for me if anyhting it makes it way worse i feel like im loosing myself again.. i dont reli wana add on that part but i reli dont wana go threw it again it is horrible when u cant controll anyhting u say or do its like ur watching a moovie of this monster destroying ur life and i feel like im about to go threw that again and i dont kno wot to do i want help but i dont want my family to kno cuz i dont wana be a burden on them and help cost money i just dont kno wot to do anymore the stress is overwhealming

and if i put this in the wrong thread som1 can just post wot thread i should post in and ill do from now on ty.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Sasunaru,

This forum is just fine for you to post in.

You mention the fact that you have Bipolar Disorder. Is this a real diagnosis and, if so, are you taking medication and seeing a psychiatrist for this disorder? It is possible that your way of thinking is a result of Bipolar.

Can you tell us more?

Allan:)

[sasunaru]

i havent been diagonosed it but i would only presume itd be somthing like that and for more infomation stuff umm lets see

im 18 atm i am a male ive felt depressed for the past like 4-5 yrs and only for the past like yr- yr and a half ill feel like im perfectly fine then 2-3 days l8er ill feel like its the end of the world and i just want to die the next day i feel like the world is awsome well content ishk for a few days then its back to miserable and back and forth and its reli hard to cope to that also i used to cut and hurt myself but i havent reli for a very long time and i havent been taking any medication cuz 1 only a few ppl kno about wots going on inside my mind and they told me to go to doctors etc but i reli dont wana take anything that can effect my serotonin lvls until im atleast 24 but im at a point atm that ill take the risk but i got no way to pay for help and i reli would rather suffer then let my family kno any of this

but if u got any questions post em and ill try to anser the best i can

[Symora]

Hi Sasunaru, I'm sorry to hear you're having mood issues. I have them as well and I know how confusing and overwhelming it can be with the ups and down.

If you have been depressed for 4 or 5 years, and it's been getting worse in the last year, then I think it's really important that you see a doctor, don't you? I wonder why it is so important to you that your family not know about how you feel? One would hope that our family would there to help us when we have problems, and this is becoming a problem for you... there is no shame in not feeling well, depressed, it is not something we can control with willpower, it is physiological.

Putting on a face is all well and good so that we can function in society, but we also need to acknowledge the reality of how we feel so that we dont end up living a double life, with one that his hidden and suppressed. I've become a big believer in congruence, living life so that the inner life and outer life are compatible - I think it makes life much easier to live. I have done a lot of hiding what I feel in my life, and almost drove myself mad with it. Now I try be congruent, it's better for my peace of mind That does not mean I go on and on about it, or that I tell everyone everything, but if I'm suffering from depression I do dare to say to others when it's relevant andI have found that people do understand and are supportive for the most part.

Do try to go see someone, a physician or a therapist. You don't need to go through this alone ...

[maddyC]

i have no idea where you live but i know in australia they have free mental health services. that means you can call up make an appointment and just go in. also alot of members here have suggested going to the hospital for an evaluation. there should also be free councelling telephone numbers, which if you call you can probably ask for advice, contacts, etc. as symora said it is a good idea to tell your family because, when you start recovering from this it is better that you have them on your side. cheerios and i hope you seek the help you need

[Guest ASchwartz]

Sasunaru,

Symora and MaddyC are giving you great advice.

What about psychotherapy, especially if it is for free in Australia? Talking to someone really helps.

There is no way I can know, of course, but it is my Guess, that you have depression and not Bipolar Disorder.

You are very young and, at your age, psychotherapy can really help.

Can you tell us more about yourself? Your family, do you have friends, girl friend, school, job???

Allan

[sasunaru]

my family is fine we get along fine i guess its just when around them its idk i cant reli talk to them around them im shy nervus and all that crap so there aint alot of comunacation between us and i got plenty of friends when im around my friends im the compleete oposite im loud i speak wot ever is on my mind and etc i am not dating any 1 atm and i aint into the whole girl thing but for skool well i dropped out 2 ishk yrs ago but i do plan on getting my ged evnetually and no job i basically just stay on the comp i am addicted to an online game i can play from anywhere from 10-15 hrs normally and the most ive played the game continously was 40 hrs but since its summer i been going outside here and there not a big fan i prefer the winter cuz i love the snow i h8 this stupid humidty and to where i live i live in massachusets and one of the reasons i dont go to doctors cuz i have a hardtime trusting ppl about w\e the hell is wrong with me there is only 2-3 ppl ive explained it to in depth