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Powerful dream


goobertron
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Lo all, just wondering if any others have experienced this and how it affected them. To cut a long story short I had a powerful and vivid dream last night about my ex who I haven't spoken to in coming up to 6 months. In it we bumped into each other out of the blue (can't remember the context) and in it we both ended up breaking down and crying and saying how much we had missed each other and it was pretty deep tbh, and after waking up this morning the urge to at least get into contact is very strong, yet I haven't spoken to her for a considerable length of time. I am just seeing if anyone has had this sort of experience ever? Perhaps it is just born out of the frustration of the fact we aren't in any form of contact at the moment and the longer time goes on the less the chance of getting in contact and forming any kind of friendship.

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Hi Gooberton, welcome to the forum :-)

I can really relate to your situation. I too have had no contract with my X for about 6 months and I've been thinking a lot about him lately.

My take on your dream is that you might be missing her, is that the case? I know I miss some parts of being with my X, the talking and having someone there to share with mostly. Have you been thinking about her lately? How come you still want to be friends with her, that is often very difficult to do after a breakup...

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Hey Symora, not quite new to forums but almost and ty for the welcome ;), yes I do miss her quite a lot tbh. She was my first long term gf (we went out for 20 months) and I have never before, or since had a connection as I did with her. I will be honest and say that I have also posted this on another forum and someone's reply on there was perhaps it was a part of me wanting forgiveness from her which may well be true in a way because it was me that broke up with her and caused her hurt. We carried out talking for a bit on facebook before some time before xmas (about a month after the breakup she deleted me as a friend and cut off all contact). We have barely said a word to each other since then, the only time being when she returned a book of mine and that convo was very short. I then saw her at a gig in February (which we were going to be going to together before the break up, since it was a band we both enjoy enormously and 'our song' was by that group), however at the gig despite being in close proximity for most of the evening and her walking past me twice there was barely any eye contact and the impression I got was she didn't want to talk to me (she was with another guy, though I am unsure whether it was a date or just a friend). Perhaps she was expecting me to come up to her to talk to her but previously I had written a letter to her apologising for all the hurt I had caused her and saying that I will always treasure our time together. My friends said don't get in contact anymore, the ball is in her court so to speak (though not sure if she ever read the letter). I do think about her everyday still and whilst I understand the reasons for the breakup (largely down to me and my lack of understanding on how to get through the difficult times in a long-term relationship since it was my first one), I realise that getting back with her is long gone really. It is still hard not being in contact with her as we did have an amazing 'banter' and made each other laugh and shared a lot of common interests and I would just like to know how she is, if she is ok etc, however for the following reasons perhaps it is best to not get in contact. 1. When we broke up, it wasn't amicable, she used the words "in my eyes the last 20 months hasn't happened" (which caused enormous emotional pain to me) and therefore I could be highly disappointed if she still held a large grudge against me. 2. I am still not completely over her, since I still think about her everyday and miss her and on that note, many people have said don't be friends with someone when you are still in love with them. In simple terms my head is still very confused, I am still in love with her in a way but I know I need to move on since we have had our time, but in a way it wouldn't be fair on any new girl if I was still in love with my ex (even though the old addage is sometimes you need a new girl to move on from the old). Perhaps my dream was just born out of loneliness?. Sorry for the extreme length of the response, I just find it easier to get things down.

Edited by goobertron
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I think that is why this forum is here, to give us an opportunity to get it out and be heard.

It was eerie to read your message because I could be your X, in the way that I have had to break off all contact as well, for my own sanity. I was in a relationship for 15 years, one where I too had a very good connection with my spouse, on the communication and sharing thoughts sides the most.

Anyway, I tried to attempt frienship, trying to understand his side of things, but it was just too painful, I could'nt do it. I am counting on the fact that with time the pain will subside and I will learn to live without him. My biggest challenge is finding other people to connect with from a communication standpoint. It's not easy to find someone who offers the right combination, and the sad thing is that sometimes we don't realize just what we have until we don't have it anymore.

My take on it is that she needs to cut all contact in order to move on. I've been divorced once and know that eventually life does go on, even if you loved someone. My personal challenge is to get over the hurt, but I can't tell you if that is the way she is living it as well... If she unable to even talk to you it is that the feelings are still too intense, at least that's what it is for me. Once those seering feelings subside, then usually people can talk to each other because they are more detached ...

Edited by Symora
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Thanks for the response Symora, much appreciated. Whilst I cannot compete with the length of time that you shared with your ex (15 years to 20 months is a slight gap!). What I am still really struggling to come to terms with and it sounds the same as your situation is the realisation that I will in all likelihood never utter a word to her again or ever hear her talk to me which is a very strange idea for me to get my head around. Perhaps, as you say, in time (or when I find someone who I can connect with on the same level) the pain will dissapate but at the moment there is a part of me that thinks, you will get back in touch at some point, like it is a certainty. Since I was the dumpee rather than the dumped then I have to respect the fact that I caused her enormous hurt and as you say she may need the no contact to move on. Maybe in time she will come round, plus there is the fact now that I had sent that letter which I do have a feeling she read (though that may just be optimism and hope), now the ball is in her court if she wanted to get back in touch and if she doesn't well then so be it, it is something I hope I can come to terms with. One thing I have thought about is, when is it too late to get back in contact? My thinking is the longer I leave it beyond a reflection period, the chance is almost gone. It would just be silly to get back in touch in 5 years time say. Sorry for the jumbled thoughts again, just wish there was a way to talk to her and perhaps make sense of what happened in our relationship, whether she forgives me at all etc

Edited by goobertron
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I do know what you mean, I too have a hard time realizing that we will never talk again. Sometimes I think that we will, in 5 years time, when I will have gotten over the pain. Other times I think it's better that I never talk to him again since there is nothing but hurt there.

I hope you find peace of mind ... that is the hardest part for me because he continues to be on my mind every day and sometimes it feels like I will never be able to move on... But that is just idle thinking isn't it and serves no purpose, so I shake myself and try to force my mind to look to the future, which is a better place to find hope isn't it...:(

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Welll it sounds to me like she perhaps is thinking along the same lines as you, the impression I am getting is that the dumping was done by him and since I was on the one that did the dumping then she perhaps never wants to speak to me again because of the pain I caused and despite sending the letter part of me feels that until she says I forgive you in person then I can't accept, though I will as I say, in all likelihood, never speak to her again :). I too hope I find peace of mind as at the moment I feel as if I am stuck in a rut and I still miss her terribly, hopefully in time, for my own sake this will fade.

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