Argh. I don't know what I see a psychiatrist for. Do you?

[LaLa]

It's a hard "task" to reply now, but I really would like to try! Because I care. I know, it's not very important for you, as I'm not your psych and, moreover, I'm not there with you, only "somewhere in cyberspace"... but anyway: I do care about you. And I understand that you feel frustrated and dispappointed by the way how docs prescribe meds! Just read some threads here (or better: don't read them!!!) and you'll see how bad one can feel from the side effects and how frustrating it is to change your meds every now and then for several months or even years. Yes, I see; I shouldn't "be negative". But... I know very well that you realize this all. I want you to see I do, too. It's not that I recieved one med and it worked for me since the 1st day, that now I will tell everybody that "meds are so wonderful, there is nothing to fear about"!

You're a scientist, so you have even a better understanding of "how it should be, how docs should proceed". But... Yes, there is always (?) a "but". You're not (I suppose... ) a medical doctor, at least not one with practical experiences with patients. So... maybe... just suppose it... there might be something what you ignore about the way the MDs prescribe some meds. Maybe there is "something" what we don't know and I don't know how to explain it, but... it's mostly related to taking the risk. I know; it's YOU who will take the med and might feel bad. But it's also the doc who takes the risk that she makes a bad choice. So... there must be that "something" - which comes from experiences - that motivates her to do it and... althought you may think that it's just her "stupidity" and "indifferency towards you"... I still think that it's something that it's better to believe, to rely upon.

Do you realise that the point actually is that we just want people to care?

Yes, that's exactly what we all want and need! But... to get the feeling they care, we have to be prone to the care. When we have our prejudices, we don't trust anybody and try to uncover some bad intentions behind "everything", then... it's hard to notice when somebody cares...

Some days ago, I wrote in a letter to my therapist this comparison - maybe you'll like it (?):

My state before therapy was like diabetes: starving in redundance (-you know; too much glucose, but cells unable to take it). There was a lot of love, appreciation, admiration... around me, but I was unable to percieve it, so I was hungry for it. Then you (-the therapist) helped me to "develop the receptors" and now I'm "flooded" by this all and enjoing it.

I think; maybe you need to "develop the right receptors" to begin to trust people :confused: ... To see also their good intentions...

P.S.: Hope you've enjoyed your raspberries!

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Somethingorother,

So what if the doctors did not call for the tests. In my opinion, they should have. Anyway, I sense that you are very pessimistic. Cognitive therapy seems hopeless to you because you believe you have "so many thoughts to challenge." That is a self defeating thought. Its important that you give yourself hope and recognize that you do not have more thoughts that need challenging than anyone else.

Hope you enjoyed the berries.

Allan:)

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

vanishing.....

[LaLa]

May I have two questions? Anyway, I'm going to write them:

1. What med (or at least what kind of med) did she prescribe to you?

2. What do you think about psychodynamic/psychoanalytical therapy?

(I know, the therapists here on MHN are C-B, but... my personal, subjective opinion is that you would rather need psychoanalysis. That's why I'm asking. By the way, some weeks ago, I found out on the web that the training in psychoanalysis which my therapist has, included 500 hours of therapy (5 years!) and 200 hrs of supervision. I was impressed... Sorry, it's "out of topic", but... it came to my mind now, so... )

That's all; I don't want to "bother" with more text or questions now...

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

vanishing.....

[LaLa]

I’m already worried I might put people off taking their meds, I don’t know if I feel comfortable naming them.

Of course, it's up to you. But... there are so many threads where people complain about a concret med, that... this wouldn't make a difference, I think. Mainly because you even didn't try yours, thus you can't complain .

I think when you tell a psychoanalyst all your problems and then expect them to pick one to start with... that doesn’t work.

I has never looked this way in my case... I didn't tell him "all my problems" - it has been a slow and interesting process of uncovering and even realizing problems... And it's almost never the therapist who picks a problem to talk about - when I can't decide what to talk about, I really have to "force" him to choose a topic... so, generaly, it's me who decide. And... it's not systematic, even thougt I firstly supposed it should be so. But, what's important, it works!

There are, of course, also other types of therapy. And you probably know that it's not so very important which kind of therapy you are in, but if the therapist does well his job.

I’m frustrated and tired and at war with the universe.

So... what are you going to do with this?

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

Ivanishing.....

[LaLa]

Sometimes we don't feel anything even though we suppose we should, that's all.

I think that e-mail wasn't supportive, but wasn't so rude or annoying how you suppose it to be. People have prejudices about psych. meds (as you do, too ), so... they sometimes say things that sound "too bad" only because they're doubtful and don't know what would be supportive. It seems to me that this is another one of the situations where you search for bad intentions even though there aren't any. Or not?

What might help you to feel better about going to the job center and the moving flatmate? Can't your friend be supportive in these situations? The fact that he failed in the case your your psych. and meds doesn't mean that he's "useless" in all other cases - I hope you admit this...

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

vanishing.....

[LaLa]

Nice to see you didn't resign! (Or... at least it seems so... :D)

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

No, I didn't resign yet. And I think I did very well at that, too. *beams*

But I decided to start taking the meds tomorrow, as the last two days were quite stressful and I'd like to get back to some sort of basic level first. We'll see, if that turns into a med-defeating thought , but I actually think it's quite reasonable.

So, no worries today. Give that head some rest. That's the plan.

[LaLa]

That's a very good plan

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

Yes, a good plan. And what do I do now?

I can take the meds and not drive home to visit my family.

I can not take the meds till sunday and drive home to visit my family.

It's a bit insane, but I can't decide that. It's impossible. The only thing I know is that it wouldn't be a good idea to take those meds AND drive home. I can do whatever I want and it depresses me. It really can't be so damn difficult, but it is.

Oh, well, scratch that, I'll take meds on sunday.

[LaLa]

Hello,

What's new? Did you try the med? How are you?

L.

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

vanishing.....

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Something,

Why are Mondays so difficult for you? Also, why just sit and stare?

Can you tell us the names of the medications you have started taking?

I hope you feel a lot better.

Allan:)

[LaLa]

Hi, SomethingOrOther,

I'm sure you know that meds of this kind make the patient usualy feel worse during the first days, or even 1-2 weeks. That's a "normal" reaction to the med, only after some time it starts to make you feel better (if it is the right med for you). So I cross my fingers for you so that you feel better soon...

L.

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

vanishing.....

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

vanishing.....

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

vanishing.....

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

vanishing.....

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

vanishing.....

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

vanishing.....

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Somethingorother,

I noticed that you put up six posts one after the other and no one responded. Perhaps that is why you are feeling like the forum is a bottomless pit?

Who are these girls you are referring to? How is the medication now and what medication are you on??

Allan

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

vanishing.....