alicia Posted August 26, 2008 Report Share Posted August 26, 2008 I ran away, literally, from my abuser on December 17 2006. He came home from work drunk (again), yelled at me because I wasn't sitting the right way (typical), starting telling some incomprehensible tale of getting into a fight at work (again). I could tell from the look in his eyes it was going to be a bad night, one of "those nights". I put my daughter (she was 13 months old at the time) in her stroller, grabbed her coat and ran away. We didn't have a car so I walked the mile to work and wandered around there for an hour or so. Anyway, I got out and stayed with friends and eventually got my own place and a car. My daughter is now nearly 3 and she is beautiful and sweet and amazingly well adjusted, considering that for the first 13 months of her life, and all through my pregnancy, she was witness to daily emotional, verbal and physical abuse rained on me by her father. He wasn't a hitter, and according to him I had it easy. All he ever did was choke, smother, drag, shove, dislocate, terrorize, hold hostage, accuse, scream, yell, hurl invectives and humiliate. I had it lucky. I'm lucky that the time he put his shotgun in my face and pulled the trigger, it was emtpy and he laughed. He thought it was hysterical that I was so afraid I actually lost control of my bladder. He thought that when he held me down, kicking and crying when he had sex with me, I wanted it. I wanted him. I have not yet gone to court to get full custody of my daughter. I don't know why, or what's wrong with me. I don't want ever to be with him again, I wish he would disappear from the earth. He calls and harrasses me and in a matter of seconds I am non-functional and nearly hysterical. i KNOW I am giving him power, I KNOW I deserve better, I know know know but what I don't know is how will I ever be free? How will I survive mentally and emotionally until I am? I am at the edge. I am afraid. My mental duct tape is badly frayed and I haven't got another roll. I need help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.