IrmaJean Posted July 12, 2010 Report Share Posted July 12, 2010 I'm not tired of hearing about anything that you might want to express, Calla. There's nothing "stupid" about grieving, Calla. It's a loss ...even a loss of potential is a loss...and you are feeling it as such. Grief is a very natural human response. Try being gentle and understanding with yourself.One thing I've noticed since you've been here is that you seem to be growing more self-aware and this is a positive thing. This is something which will help you to navigate better when challenges present themselves.I struggle with losses as well. I'm sorry it hurts tonight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calla Posted July 12, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 12, 2010 Thank you. I know a talk a lot about music but it does help me. I'm not sure many people will be fans of Eminem but I was listening to him today and something struck me"I just can't keep living this way, so starting today I'm breaking out of this cage. I'm standing up, gonna face my demons...etc"And it really made me think. I want to get help but I don't know what to say to my Dr. I think I will just cry, I don't know what to do. Last time I tried they said it was my circumstances. I'd taken voluntary redundancy but it was my choice and this has been going on much longer. I left "tail between my legs". If I tell them everything, they'll say it's work or think it's just a "broken heart". I'm not sure what I am supposed to say. Does that make me an idiot? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted July 12, 2010 Report Share Posted July 12, 2010 I'm not aware of anything that can "make" a person an idiot, Calla. But I also don't think you can predict what people will think. I'd suggest telling your caregiver, (whoever you choose that to be, doesn't have to be your doctor), as much as you need to or can, and forget about their response until you see it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calla Posted July 12, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 12, 2010 I'm being a bit uneducated here but who is a caregiver if it's not your Dr? Do thinks work differenly from the uk? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted July 12, 2010 Report Share Posted July 12, 2010 Oh, some people go directly to a therapist, but I'm sure that depends on one's insurance and such. If you absolutely have to go through a doctor you hate, that would make things a bit harder. This isn't a situation to take "no" for an answer, though. I hope you find a way to get some in-person help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted July 12, 2010 Report Share Posted July 12, 2010 Of course not, Calla. Which kind of doctor do you mean? A therapist or a general practitioner? A qualified therapist would accept you, Calla, and not judge any of your behaviors. Crying is very natural and may even be releasing and cathartic. I sure did an awful lot of crying in therapy...The idea would be finding a safe space to freely express yourself, your feelings, your concerns...that way you can "work" on yourself with the therapist's guidance, support and expertise. I hope you will consider this. It could be beneficial.When you say you aren't sure what you're supposed to say, well, you aren't supposed to say anything in particular...just say what you feel. Be yourself. It's okay to be yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calla Posted July 12, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 12, 2010 Oh I see, thank you. Here you have to go through the Dr or pay for it yourself, which sadly I can't afford. And NHS therapy, I think, you get 1 session and thats about it. I just really don't like the idea of taking meds either which is all the Dr does. For example I had a really bad problem with my shoulder, they wouldn't give me physio but months worth of anti inflammatories which are quite bad for your stomach. It will be the same thing, take this tablet and go away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calla Posted July 12, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 12, 2010 My problem is I have to go to my GP, explain whats happening and then it's up to him to refer me. HE is the problem, he is not a therapist, he's a GP and he's horrible. I live in what we call a well known benefit area and he thinks everyone just wants a sick note. I don't want to cry in front of him but I know if I try to speak I will cry. I don't know what to say to him to make it clear I need help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calla Posted July 12, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 12, 2010 And then if I do get refered you get 1 or 2 sessions because they are underfunded. But I just can't afford it Its never going to end is it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted July 12, 2010 Report Share Posted July 12, 2010 You're predicting the future, again. :-)Much like the title of the thread, really.I know it's hard, really I do.But no one's going to make this better for you, until you start to try.I know that may sound harsh, to a depressed mind, but it's still true.It's definitely not the same as saying "just snap out of it." But you can't start a journey without taking that first step. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calla Posted July 12, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 12, 2010 I don't think people really understood what I was asking. But thank you for your reply. It's different in the US I appreciate that. It was a silly idea anyway because I'm never actually going to do it...it was a moment of madness...for want of a better word!I was trying to take the first step you see but I'll get back in the box now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted July 12, 2010 Report Share Posted July 12, 2010 "Box"?I'm sorry, I'm lost.My only interest, anywhere in here, has been to help you take that first step.Has something I've said made that less likely? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calla Posted July 12, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 12, 2010 It's an expression. "Just get back in your box" I'm not sure where that comes from. Probably a ventriloquist act!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted July 12, 2010 Report Share Posted July 12, 2010 So maybe it's time to be the ventriloquist, for a change. :-)Maybe it won't ever change, even if you try. But if you don't, it's pretty much guaranteed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calla Posted July 12, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 12, 2010 It would be nice to be out of the box. My point was this. If I go to my GP I don't know what to say to him. "Oh hi I'm depressed"....or "I think I have some mental issues" or "for goodness sake please help me as I want to die" If you see what I mean. I don't know how to phrase it or what to do. Or to just cry until I can't breath and he can guess whats wrong. I am shy as well as everything else which doesn't help Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted July 12, 2010 Report Share Posted July 12, 2010 I understand. Me too, actually.Would you be able to try, "I've been feeling pretty down, lately, and I'm looking for help." He can't accuse you of wanting a sick note, if you never ask for one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calla Posted July 12, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 12, 2010 Yeah I could try that, thank you. He's just not an easy man to talk to. I want him to know it's serious and a long term problem not just because of my work or anything. Chicken and egg thing I guess, I dont work much because I get depressed but they say it's the other way round.I wish I had money or actually I wish I had a unpoisoned mind Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted July 12, 2010 Report Share Posted July 12, 2010 Good luck talking with your GP, Calla. I hope you feel better tonight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calla Posted July 13, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 13, 2010 Sorry to hear you had so many problems. The system doesn't really understand. I only work 3/4 days a month so can't afford it, it's just enough for the bills.I can't go now anyway. I can't even get out of bed today. My laptop is my only lifeline. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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