help for my 14 yr old son

[crazymomof4]

i just found out my son molested a 9 year old girl that is very close to our family. they are not going to press charges that i know of, but i dont now what to do. can someone PLEASE help? i am taking him down to start counceling on tuesday. other than that, i have no clue what to do

[synergy989]

You are doing the right thing be seeking help for your son. How is your connection with your son? have you tried to find out motive behind it, did he think it was ok?

Your son is still young and learning - we all make mistakes, I think if you can connect with him well and become an even better friend then you can have an easier time guiding him to learning that these things are not ok.

I would make sure you are ok as well. These things I feel have a toll on the parent as well as the kid - the old "where did I go wrong" sometimes comes up. So keep in mind you may need to seek help as well.

For now stick with what you are doing, it is the first step and probably what most would of recommended. Keep us posted if things change or don't seem to be working.

All the best.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Crazymomof4,

I agree with Synergy that you are doing the right thing. I hope that you have spoken to your son about what he did. In fact, has he told you anything about it and why he did it or does he deny the whole thing? Has he been in trouble before? Was he abused when he was younger, as far as you know?

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Crazymomof4,

I agree with Synergy that you are doing the right thing. I hope that you have spoken to your son about what he did. In fact, has he told you anything about it and why he did it or does he deny the whole thing? Has he been in trouble before? Was he abused when he was younger, as far as you know? What types of reports do you get from his teachers at school?

It might help if you could provide more information about your son.

This must be extremely painful for you and I can only guess as to how upset you must feel. What does your husband say about this? What about the other children?

Allan:eek:

[crazymomof4]

first of all, thank you all for your responses. My son has severe ADHD. he has had alot of problems in school. so much so, that last school year, i sent him to his godmother to home school, so that he could catch up to his grade level, which he did wonderfully. while he was there, he was caught looking at porn on the internet. he denyed that, and also denyed the accusations made against him.

as far as i know, he has never been abused. i have asked. but in july, my 12 yr old daughter was raped, and it makes me wonder if he was also. but he still denies it.

His father is a pedofile. at age 23, he had sex with a 13 yr old. i have tried to keep contact with him VERY limited. one of the visits, my other child found his porn collection.

my son is aware of what his father did, and that he spent time in jail. when i sat down with him the night i got the phone call of the accusations, i explained to him that his father cant get a decent job because of his record. also that no woman wants anything to do with him because of what he did. he cant be around minors, except his own children.

what i dont understand is how the courts can see him as ok around his own child? what makes his own child safe? well, he has only had supervised visits before, adn now, he wont get any visitation untill my son is 18.

i am well aware that i need help. i am already in counciling, i have severe depression. i am not necasarily doing the "where did i go wrong" but more like the, "My worst fear is coming true". i am scared. i feel like my family is falling apart.. and i dont know what to do...........

[Natalie]

Hi Crazymomof4-

You must really feel like everything is crumbling down around you, but remember, it is a feeling, and you are doing the right thing by getting your son some help.

You mentioned that he was going to see a therapist on Tuesday. How did that go? What did the therapist recommend?

Also, remember that in the midst of all the stress not to neglect your own needs. You must take care of yourself so that you can take care of others. As much as possible, try to eat healthy meals, get some exercise, sleep, and find some way to have a little bit of time to yourself. I can hear you saying "Yeah, right." But, please try to do as many of these things as possible.

[crazymomof4]

all they did at the councilors office was do an intake. to see what kinds of things he needs to be seen for. then, in a few weeks, they will call and schedule an appointment for him....