Jetliner Posted August 6, 2010 Report Share Posted August 6, 2010 .......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna- Posted August 6, 2010 Report Share Posted August 6, 2010 I was born in the Chinese Year of the Ox. I wasn't hiding anything! And I like danni petting me. Sorry danni but you're not scary.And I can count to a hundred: "One, two, skip a few, ninety nine, a hundred." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna- Posted August 6, 2010 Report Share Posted August 6, 2010 A tourist is visiting an English-speaking country and is struggling a bit with English. He walks into a restaurant and wants to order chicken, but unfortunately he can't remember what chicken is called in English. The waiter who wants to take his order is only English proficient. So the tourist sees a guy at the table next to him with a plate with 4 baked eggs on it. He points to the plate of eggs and says to the waiter: "I want their mother." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweetsara Posted August 9, 2010 Report Share Posted August 9, 2010 Glad you liked the joke Jetliner. Hope this one tickles you too.A man walks into a bar and tells the bartender I just heard the funniest Kentucky joke ever. The bartender tells the guy before you tell that joke I just want to let you know that I'm from Kentucky and that 6' 8" bouncer over there is from kentucky and so is that even bigger guy over there. Now do you still want to tell that joke son? The guy thinks for a minute and says hell if I have to explain it three times it's just not worth it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna- Posted August 12, 2010 Report Share Posted August 12, 2010 One out of four people in the world is mentally unbalanced. Think of your 3 closest friends. If they seem OK, you're it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna- Posted August 12, 2010 Report Share Posted August 12, 2010 I quit psychoanalysis because the therapist was trying to help me behind my back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna- Posted August 12, 2010 Report Share Posted August 12, 2010 Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. - Jane Wagner Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Namuh Posted August 17, 2010 Report Share Posted August 17, 2010 SOCIALISM You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour. COMMUNISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk. FASCISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk. NAZISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you. BUREAUCRATISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away... TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. SURREALISM You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons AN AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead. ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull. A FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. A JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide. A GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch. A RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them. A CHINESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation. AN INDIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You worship them. A BRITISH CORPORATION You have two cows. Both are mad. AN IRAQI CORPORATION Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy.... AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate. A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aaron.X.C Posted August 18, 2010 Report Share Posted August 18, 2010 Hahaha lmao, funny. Btw nazism and fascism is basically the same thing. Nazism is called National Socialism. But funny as hell lol""No! Please! I'll tell you whatever you want to know!" the man yelled."Really?" said Vimes. "What's the orbital velocity of the moon?""What?""Oh, you'd like something simpler?"— Terry Pratchett (Night Watch)" Funny signature. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna- Posted August 20, 2010 Report Share Posted August 20, 2010 Elisha Goldstein from the main site posted the following joke and I had a good chuckle. A husband and wife from Chicago made plans to spend the summer in the Florida Keys at a rustic getaway. Because the wife was on a business trip, she had plans to meet him there the following day.Upon getting there he immediately sent an email to his wife, but unfortunately because he left off a letter in her name of the email, it got sent to a recently widowed woman in Arkansas with the same first name.When the grieving widow first checked her email, she couldn’t believe what she was seeing.The email said, “Dearest Susan, I wanted to let you know that I have arrived on the other side and am doing fine. I was quite surprised to find they had email over here.They tell me that you’ll be arriving very soon. Until that time, love,JackP.S. You should know, it’s quite hot down here.” Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweetsara Posted September 6, 2010 Report Share Posted September 6, 2010 Y don't cannibals eat clowns? Bcuz they taste funny!!OK who didn't see that one coming:D? What everyone had it figured out ahhhh:( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweetsara Posted September 20, 2010 Report Share Posted September 20, 2010 Y don't blondes like to make Kool-aid? It's 2 hard to get all the liquid to fit in the little package.What do u call a freezer full of blondes? Frosted FlakesWhat do u call a blonde floating n a pool? Air bubbleWhat's black and blue and lays in an alley? A brunette who told 2 many blonde jokes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweetsara Posted September 21, 2010 Report Share Posted September 21, 2010 You're most welcome I do what I can:oNow for the encore What is a blonde's mating call? I think I'm drunk.What is a brunette's mating call? Is that drunk blonde gone yet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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