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Guest ASchwartz

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A tourist is visiting an English-speaking country and is struggling a bit with English. He walks into a restaurant and wants to order chicken, but unfortunately he can't remember what chicken is called in English. The waiter who wants to take his order is only English proficient. So the tourist sees a guy at the table next to him with a plate with 4 baked eggs on it. He points to the plate of eggs and says to the waiter: "I want their mother."

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Glad you liked the joke Jetliner. Hope this one tickles you too.

A man walks into a bar and tells the bartender I just heard the funniest Kentucky joke ever. The bartender tells the guy before you tell that joke I just want to let you know that I'm from Kentucky and that 6' 8" bouncer over there is from kentucky and so is that even bigger guy over there. Now do you still want to tell that joke son? The guy thinks for a minute and says hell if I have to explain it three times it's just not worth it. :rolleyes:

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SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.

The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.

No balance sheet provided with the release.

The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.

You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.

You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.

You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none.

No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.

You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy....

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Business seems pretty good.

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION

You have two cows.

The one on the left looks very attractive.

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Hahaha lmao, funny. Btw nazism and fascism is basically the same thing. Nazism is called National Socialism. :) But funny as hell lol

""No! Please! I'll tell you whatever you want to know!" the man yelled.

"Really?" said Vimes. "What's the orbital velocity of the moon?"

"What?"

"Oh, you'd like something simpler?"

— Terry Pratchett (Night Watch)"

Funny signature.

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Elisha Goldstein from the main site posted the following joke and I had a good chuckle. :D

A husband and wife from Chicago made plans to spend the summer in the Florida Keys at a rustic getaway. Because the wife was on a business trip, she had plans to meet him there the following day.

Upon getting there he immediately sent an email to his wife, but unfortunately because he left off a letter in her name of the email, it got sent to a recently widowed woman in Arkansas with the same first name.

When the grieving widow first checked her email, she couldn’t believe what she was seeing.

The email said,

“Dearest Susan, I wanted to let you know that I have arrived on the other side and am doing fine. I was quite surprised to find they had email over here.

They tell me that you’ll be arriving very soon.

Until that time, love,

Jack

P.S. You should know, it’s quite hot down here.”

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