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almost leaving


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I can't be in this marriage anymore. When my husband feels threatened, angry, or frustrated he uses that as an excuse to say things to hurt me. Later he says he is sorry then acts like I am overreacting. I can't take it anymore . I want out. Also, I have nowhere to turn. We are young, in debt, and my family is just not an option for me to turn to. I have 2 babies. He is in grad school now. I want to just be gone from here. I feel like he just throws me around like a yo yo.

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Welcome to our community. This is a hard sort of problem to deal with. It can be very painful to feel ambivalent about an intimate relationship. It is worse when you have children, as they complicate your mobility to leave cleanly and easily.

Can you share what sorts of things you've tried to do in relationship to your husband to try to make things better? Are you still wanting to try to fix this or are you just ready to leave? If you could tell us your story in a little more detail it would help us to have context to better respond to you.


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Hi Miserably26

Is there no way of sitting your husband down and trying to talk to him. Have you tried telling him how you feel?

Where there is children involved, I would say try and come to a compromise? It's just a shame having to put the children through it! It affects them also, and they would love nothing more than to see their mother & father, grow old together. I know I might be looking to far ahead but you've got to think how they will grow up and how it affects them with everything.

I also know that enough is enough! What I'm trying to say is, have you looked at all the option's. By you leaving is not going to resolve anything apart from a lot of heart ache on both half's. Two wrongs don't make a right!

Have you discussed Counseling with your husband? Mention it to him and see what he Say's. Explain to your husband that you have looked at all the option's, and you feel for the sake of saving your marriage, that there is only one option left and that is Counseling. If he refuses, then tell him that he has just threw any chance of saving your marriage out the window unless he tries to give it a go and seek guidance regarding his mood swings.

Have you ever thought that he might need help! He could probably do with seeing a Psychiatrist as well and if he still refuses, tell him to be a man and act like one. He has got responsibilities now, He's no longer a Bachelor who can come and go as he pleases, and to grow up and swallow his pride.

Good luck


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Hi Miserably26,

I understand completely were you are, I have been married for 20 years to the same kind of guy, he talks to me like I am dirt gets, me all upset and then tells me it's me. That I am a flipout and I need help, then when i try to talk to him and explain how "I feel" he jumps in telling me how he feels, there is no communication, we have tried counsling then he didn't want to pay the $65.00 a week it cost, so we stopped going. On top of that he has has a few affairs which made things worse. My own mother told me to stay with him because who would want me with 3 kids. So I invested more time in this miserable marriage. I am ready to leave now, my children are 16,15 & 13. Which is better to let your kids see you so unhappy and to be treated poorly so the girls learn to be treated the same when they choose a mate, or have my son think its ok to do these things to his future wife, cause his dad was that way. We need to wake up, sometimes it is better to leave then to have the cycle repeat itself.

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Miserably26,

Actually, I must confess that I do not understand your situation and why you believe that you must leave your marriage. Could you explain in greater detail how your husband acts, how he treats you and how he behaves that make you feel you must leave? Can you give us more information??


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