Anxiety State, Never Been As Bad.

[Mark]

Paula,

Well - sorry about making your day then . If I'm responding to stuff that you haven't asked for, it is either in part stuff that other people have asked for (e.g., individual attention), and/or phrases that were used in the other moderator responses. I didn't mean to be upsetting, and was only trying to think of how someone who was already upset might take hearing about the limit setting. Communication is not easy sometimes!

Anyway - some good news. You should be able to upload your signature images now. Please give that a whirl and let me know how it is working.

Mark

[paula]

Hi Mark

I'm not getting into yesterday's argument, can do without it at this present time! Sorry to dissapoint you!

I have uploaded my signature picture, what do you think!

Paula

[paula]

My picture seem's very appropriet for this site. What do you think Mark?

That is exactely how I feel (like banging my head against a brick wall)!

Paula

[Mark]

I personally think it is a little graphic - all the suggestion of blood.. I'm not sure it is so graphic that we should censor it, though. We don't have a norm yet for this sort of on-the-line sort of self-expression. What do others think? Is this signature image of Paula's too disturbing or does it work okay for you? Since this is potentially something that people might not want to go on public record about, feel free to private message me if that makes your response more comfortable for you.

Mark

[paula]

Mark, I have sent you a private message regarding my animated gif.

[John Rutledge]

deleted .....

Edited October 28, 2009 by John Rutledge

[paula]

Hi John

I don't understand what your saying? I admit that I've got problem's, but hasn't everyone?

Mine might be a bit more complexed than other's, but I'm trying, really I am!

I have tried really hard to confront my psychiatrist and explain my problem's in detail, but every time I see him, I just feel humiliated! He alway's ask's me, what can I do for you? Are you fine? I wouldn't be there if I was fine, would I.

I get all frustrated & Anxious, then I start to sweat bucket full's. I know this is a problem that need's tackling head on but I can't do it at the moment.

I have apologised to Natalie, Allan & Mark for my behaviour and if I could do anything else to ease the trouble that I've caused, I would do it. Anything.

I have kicked myself a thousand times, over & over again!

Paula

[paula]

Due to the administrative comment on my animated GIF i have removed it to see no public complaints on my behalf. I recently discovered 'MentalHelp.net' has a high google ranking and a number of search tags show this post. It indicates that i am in someway insulting the site's meaning by posting something that was meant as non-harmful and humor and taken as disturbing and somewhat controversial.

[JustTrying]

Paula ..... BREATHE!!!!!

I see what you were implying earlier in a post to me now.... Ok I understand...

I too was a little miffed that I did not get a reply to my fantsticaly(sp) nutty 1st post from Mark... .Mark is the reason I joined in the first place... However you and Allen responded and that was appreciated..... at least I got some responses and Allen is a I forget ( Therapist??) And he did not tell me what to do or what I need to take he just made suggestions.... good deal!!!

In one of my posts.. I said something to the effect that I could not at first believe a REAL PH.D would take their time to run a FREE site.... so I checked this place out and Mark out.... LOL!!! I know my Docs listen to stuff like this all day... do ya really think they want to do it in their free time?? although I can call mine 24/7....

I do appreciate this site... from reading other posts I have learned alot... I have seen people like me and it makes me feel better that I am not alone in this world... so many other sites I go to people are afraid to talk truthfully about their mental issues because they don't want to get nasty PM's.... I have had people try to run me off sites because I told what I was really feeling.... I stay just to piss them off!!! LOL ! But that is me!!!

No this site will not be MY ONLY source.... but I can get advice and talk to my therapist... like I talked to him about CBT after seeing it on the web... he thought that was a good idea....

But anyway... PM me anytime .. or I will give ya my email.... I do not want to gossip though .. but we can talk about day to day life if you like...

I feel we have alot in common...

BUT BREATHE!!!!!!!!! Hugs, Gabby:D

[JustTrying]

P.S. Let me add... It helps me to write a outline or even a letter of what is bothering me and what I need to talk about to my doc... Cause If he asks me if I am ok... I say why sure!!! LOL!!! ( programed response!!!)

I am in the process of writing out my symptoms and what I would like to see happen to take to my appointment Thursday.. because when I get to the doctors office I will forget everything.. I too get nervous.. but if you write it down the doctor can then ask you questions about what you wrote.....

Am I making sense????

Gabs

[paula]

Hi Gabs

Yeh course you are!

I'm glad you can see thing's on my behalf. Just wish other's could?

Yeh you could do with posting your email address in my private messages, because to be honest, I can't see me staying on this site too long? Can do without all the hastle!

No I won't be chatting shit as I put it. I've said what I wanted to say and I've got it off my chest. End off! But when you suffer with Bipolar, you'd think that these people of all people would understand your mood swings. I mean there pro Psychologist, Therapist and it's their support you need, not their criticism. Just goes to show that you should never trust anyone! not even the pro's.

Going to get off, so I can simmer down! Just can't seem to shake all this off! It's affected me more than I thought!

Speak to you later, take care!

Paula x

[JustTrying]

I will say it again!!!! BREATHE!!!!!

If you need to take a break... perhaps you will feel diffrent in a few days??? A week???

To clarify.. I did not read this whole thread from the start .. I sorta skimmed it. But what I was agreeing with was your FEELINGS.... not saying they were justified or not... cause like I said I didn't spend 2 days reading this thread!!!

I was just saying I understand your feelings...

I will PM you ... but like I said I do not want to talk about the other people on this site.... we can talk about anything else.... just normal talk??? OK???? To be honest I am going to give you my email but if this "friendship" turns out to be too stressful for me please do not take it personal... I must work on myself right now!~

Gabs:)

[paula]

I'm trying to breath! Just finding it a bit difficult at the moment! SHIT HAPPEN'S! who cares! End of!

Wot you been up to today?

I've done rock all?Didn't rise till 9am. That's late for me, but mind you, I was still on the net at 5.30am. Having problems sleeping!

I did what I had to in the house and my son started his moaning again, 'you've got a serious problem you mum! why can't you just chill for a while and let the dust settle before you clean it!'

That's all I get off him. 'why can't you be like other mum's & relax,' Because I don't want to be like other mum's, just sitting there on their arses, doing rock all. I like everywhere to be clean!

Kid's hey! But I wouldn't be without him. He runs a community forum under lazy records. He's a moderator his self. He works as a D.J in his spare time. Very good at it as well! He's just come back from working in Majorca for two years. Magaluf!

He has met a few top D.J's. Judge Jules, Pete Tongue, Boy George, ohhh! & a few other's, I don't know the names of em? He has even got their personal email address's, He's even sent some of his work to them and had good feedback on it.

That's his ambition. To become a pro D.J. You want to see the gear he's got! His bedroom is like a recording studio. Thousand's of pounds that he's spent on equiptment. I havn't a clue how you turn the thing's of & on?

He's very, very good on the computer also. He's even got his own website. You'll have to have a look at it. It's under Top Floor D.J's. His name's Brad Ashton.

Anyway, will love you and leave you! Speak to you soon.

Paula x

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Paula and Gabby,

Yes, I am a therapist, now retired and that gives me some time to be involved in the community. As you probably know, I also write for the web site and have done some recordings on various topics.

There is always a problem with E. Mail communication and that is that all of us can very easilty misunterstand what is said. In addition, it is easy and frustrating to post something and find that the posting is misunderstood. This is not anyone's fault, it is just that communication is always hard and when it's through this method, it is even more difficult.

During my years in practice, as well as now, I always encourage people to let me know when they are angry and frustrated and the reasons why. It is so important to clarify what is being said. We cannot always "fix it" when there are hurt feelings, but we can acknowledge that everyone has a right to anger and hurt feelings. None of us, here at Mental Help Net, are mean people, nor do we wish to cause any harm. Let us know when something has happened so that we can try harder. Of course, it will never be perfect because none of us are perfect.

Hope this helps.

Allan:)

[paula]

Thanks Allan

This has got nothing to do with Gabby. She was just being friendly on my behalf. Please don't take this the wrong way but I'd rather you kept Gabby out of this.

I understand what your saying about the communication method and your right in what your saying.

I know it's all down to me and the way I'm feeling. This has all got out of hand through my feeling's of anger. It is my own fault and the way that I've miss-understood the reply's to my post. In other word's, I have made a mountain out of a mole hill, and blew everything out of pro-portion.

I have asked for all that I've got!

Paula

[Mark]

I have made a mountain out of a mole hill, and blew everything out of pro-portion.

This is very easy to do, Paula (misunderstand things). I think everyone can relate. I know I certainly do. You're a well meaning person, it is clear. Shit happens. One measure of mental health is how willing people are to brush it of themselves and move on to the next thing life presents you with.

[paula]

Hi Mark

I went and paid a visit to my doctor today, concerning my behaviour and unnecessary outburst! After physically, getting myself all Anxious & panicking at every aspect of the thought of seeing my doctor, I finally got there. Late mind you! But better late than never!

He implied that I was going deeper in my depressive state. He has suggested that I also try another Anti-depressant called Dosulepin, along with my Mertazapine, Diazapam and Dicloflex. I have Mertazapine 45mg, Diazapam 10mg x4 times a day, Dosulepin 150mg and Dicloflex 50mg x3 times a day.

Do you think he's trying to tell me something? I think he's implying that I get down of my high horse, don't you. I'm sure he's trying to drug me up or something? Well if I don't sleep after that lot, I dread to think what he has in store for me next time? He wants to see me again on the 6 October.

I'm just hoping that this will help me to cope with some of the problems that I'm facing. For all I know, there may be no problems at all, It all could be Psycilogical, who know's?

Thank you Mark and the rest of you for understanding.

Paula

[Ob1one]

You don't need to worry... bad choice of words THOUGH when I went into a higher dosage it had affects on me like more anxiety and diarrhea. It's most likely just your body is adjusting to the higher dosage and its having temporary affect on you

Its nothing to concern you anymore though. You can go to the doctor to give you a piece of mind I know that feeling too. It was doctor was the cure though I knew he couldn't do anything for me but his knowledge was comforting to me when I went through this.

So yeah I'd suggest seeing the doctor if only for a peace of mind.

________

IPAD CASES

Edited April 29, 2011 by Ob1one

[Mark]

Paula,

Not being a psychiatrist or any sort of medical doctor, I'm simply not qualified to judge what is a reasonable anti-depressive medicine treatment cocktail and what is not. I don't think you necessarily need to read anything into what the doctor is suggesting beyond that you seem to him to be more upset/depressive/aggitated. And that may be simply becuase you've been worked up about various things and not having to do with your overall depressive or anxious state, you know what I mean? I would say, see how the new meds work for you and if you feel that they are not helping or making things worse rather than better, make the next avaialble appointment to see the doctor again and get them readjusted. That is what doctors are for.

Mark

[paula]

Cheers Mark for that!

And yes I know what you mean? About getting all worked up!

Well I tried them for the first time last night and will repeat tonight. Can honestly say, up to now, no different.

Will I have to still wait & give time to get into my system, even though I am already on other antidepressants + Vallium?

I would of thought that they would enter my system straight away, with already having a booster with the other antidepressants + Vallium. I am on the maximum dose for all 3x medications. Mertazapine, Dosulepin and Vallium. Don't know about the Dicloflex.

I won't be on the maximum dose all the time with these meds will I?

Like I've mentioned in previous post. I am waiting for an Appointment to see a Psychologist. I was just wondering, where do I go from here?

Like you also mentioned previously. To many Chief's and not enough Indian's. Regarding the amount of people that I am seeing at one time. Which will be: Physician, Psychiatrist, Pysiotherapist and Psychologist. Phew!!!!

You know what they say Mark? No rest for the wicked! And the good don't want none!

By the way! What do you think of my new Gif?

Paula

[Natalie]

Hi Paula-

Remember that it takes some antidepressant medications a full two weeks to achieve any noticeable affects. So, even if you are taking other meds, it may take a while before you can honestly judge whether the new one is helping or not.

[paula]

Cheers for that Natalie.

I just don't understand that if I am taking varied Anti-Depressant's at the same time, how will they know which Antidepressant is doing me any good and which isn't? Or will they keep me on both?

Why have they got me on Vallium 10mg x4 a day for as well? Will that be to deal with my Anxiety problem's that I'm faced with? Are there no Medication's that can deal with Manic Depression as well as Anxiety. What I mean is: Could I not just have the one med's that would deal with all my issues, instead of having the amount of medication that I am having?

It would make life, so much more simply wouldn't it? I can't help but wonder, whether these drugs are doing you more harm than good if you know what I mean? Some of the meds that I'm taking, could be doing my Depression and Anxiety some good but they could be doing my liver/kidney's harm. Do you know where I'm coming from? What's good for one thing, doesn't necessarily mean it's good for another thing, does it?

Paula

[nightfalls]

Hey Paula,

I think that all the different meds target different things and that the combo you take is personal to you. I think that all your questions are good ones that a phyciatrist should answer for you if you can wait to chat with one or I suppose your MD who purscribed them all. I think vallium is a calming med and different then the others :confused: but I really don't know for sure. There probibly is not a one pill sinareio as nice as that would be because you are being treated for different things Bipolar, anxiety. I think you need some more info on your conditions and the meds you are using to treat them. And as for long term stuff relating to side effects ??? I think it is a weighing the risks again, If you can function better on the meds and they will give you a better quality of life? then is that better? Again who really knows?

My Dad is on some heavy meds and I worry about the long term effects but the meds gave me back my father, stable and present in my life and without them he was in a hospital, detatched and phycotic sooooo I would for sure say meds are helping his overall quality of life.

Anyways try and be patient for the meds to work for you and the Dr to work the meds right for you- if that makes sence...lol:rolleyes:

take care

[paula]

Thanks Forgeting

I understand what your saying!

It's so complex though! I often wonder to myself and think. I often think, why can't I be normal like everyone else? What have I done soooo BAD, to deserve this. I do try you know. REALLY HARD!

What I'd like to know is: why is there only a selected few that suffer with Bipolar, Manic depression, Anxiety, Insomnia, schizophrenia and all the other illnesses related to mental health?

What I mean by the select few is, why doesn't everyone suffer what we are suffering? What brings this illness on in the first place! I know it's a chemical imbalance but why do other's not have a chemical imbalance? I know I might sound like I want to know the In's & outs but why shouldn't I.

I have only suffered these illnesses since something erupted in my life. But does that mean that anyone, who has a mis fortunate incident in their life, can also go through these symptom's. Or, is it the way you deal with these issues, that can have a considerable amount of affect on the way you deal with your mental health? Am I making sense?

The top and bottom of it is. How long am I going to have to rely on this medication, to keep my life stabilized enough to live a normal life? Or as near as can be achieved to living a normal life. I know the answer is going to be well that depends on me, myself. In one sense I can see the reality in what is going on. But in another sense, I can't!

No one likes to have a split personality, or mood swings, and I just can't believe how it can take over your life. Again, I know that you'd say, it will only take over your life if you let it! But under some circumstances, you are left with no option! You get so frustrated and confused!

What I am asking is: will I have to take tablet's for the rest of my life? I'm not a great medicine lover to begin with, and up until all this occurred, I didn't even have a tablet in my house! I've always be healthy, and never been a sickly person. I have never had a Headache, Cold, Toothache, I have always been resilient to pick up any of these ailments. I suppose I was considered one of the lucky one's there!

Paula

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Paula,

I hope you do not mind my responding to your posting. I couldn't help think to myself when I read what you wrote: "What makes you think the rest of us are normal?"

Of course, I do know what you mean and there are no ready answers. Some have these disorders and others do not and it's never fair. Try to comfort yourself with this idea: Even those who do not have one of these disorders experience highs and lows in their lives and they also experience tragedies. In those tragedies they wonder "why me?" I do not mean to imply that if you have a psychiatric disorder you do not experience tragedies. No one is immune from those. It's just that it seems that some people are not spared, whether it's one type of hard luck or another.

Am I making sense?

What do you think?

Allan