Anxiety State, Never Been As Bad.

[paula]

Hi Allan

I don't mind you answering any of my post. Your advice is always good advice anyway!

By being normal I mean someone that doesn't suffer with any long term ailment's/symptoms.

You made me laugh though, when you mentioned that no one's normal. I like your sense of humor! Really!

You mentioned that some people are not spared the misfortunate of bad luck! I understand where your coming from there? Bad luck alway's seem's to hunt me down. I never go looking for it, it comes looking for me. You can never hide from bad luck! Well I can't anyway! I'm sure it's my middle name, unlucky!

Would just love to have a good day. That's not asking for much is it? Can't remember the last time I had a good day. Happy day! My doctor seems to think that I am in urgent need of a holiday. The last holiday I had was 10yrs ago. I asked him if he was going to pay for a holiday for me. As I am unemployed with a mortgage. He just laughed! I think that is 75% of my problem is needing a holiday. Would love to just board a plane for a 2x weeks hol some where. Away from the U.K. for 2x weeks. wouldnt that be great!

Oh well, I can dream can't I.... It's the nearest I'm gonna get to any holiday.

Paula

[Kay_J]

---------------------

Edited March 19, 2009 by Kay_J

[paula]

Hi Kay

What you say is right in one respect but not another?

A happy day is only happy if you let it! I've forgotten what one is? I know I should thank the lord up above just for being here, and I do! I just wish I didn't have to go through life feeling the way I do. I Truly appreciate the good thing's in life, but them good thing's never seem to last do they?

I would be happy just to get one happy day. I wouldn't be greedy! Just some form of happiness to help lift this dreary feeling!

It's been that long since I experienced the feeling of happiness, that if and when I finally do get a shot at it, I probably wouldn't know how to handle it. I'd be frightened to death. That's all I need isn't it? Given the chance to be happy for just one day and I go and pop mi clogs. Just my luck! Me and luck don't get along anyway! So there's no chance of that. enuf said!

Paula

[nightfalls]

Hi paula

As I was reading these posts I was thinking that I heard someone one time telling me that it was sometimes my perspective. When depressed I normally see all the crappy things in my life and not take notice to the good, it was there I just couldn't see it. It was like it vanished to me everything felt crappy looked crappy. When I look back I agree that it kinda was a crappy point in my life anyway with alot of bad things going wrong but there was still some beauty around me if only I could have seen it. It was not until now that I can look back and separate the real crap from the depressed see nothing else crappy feeling I had and now see some good that was there hidden behind me.

I was struck one time with tears as I watched one of those 3rd world tv show's for sponsership I was watching this family living in a small type hut with leaves for a cealing and dirt floors, no furnature, no beds, no blankets, no food, nothing, the woman on the show was smiling sweeping her floors, playing with her kids doing her best with what she has and I thought to myself what am I so troubled for? anyways it sort of stuck in my head to be more thankful for what I have and look closer at how I feel. Take care.

[JustTrying]

Wow!!! What ya miss when ya take a few days off!!!! Let's see how much I can remember!!!!

Allen I believe... I was not upset with anyone .. I was just understanding Paula's feelings... and see I was right .. a few days later she is thinking better!!! She Breathed!!!

Actually we have not emailed much.... and just talked about "normal" stuff....

I agree .. tell someone if you are upset.. BUT I have been dealing with this on another site.. I will say something.. a young lady will take it wrong.. tell me about it ( That is good) I will try to explain what I meant and she gets madder and madder... yes I do understand she is dealing with some issues right now ,,,, and at another time I may be able to deal with this... but I suggested to her that we quit talking for a while.. because well it was upsetting me.... we do answer each others posts some but we do not communicate otherwise right now... she is alot younger than me to....

Paula.. I THINK... I am just sorta still in the beginnings of my MI ( mental Illness) I thought I was Bipolar ... but they put me on meds for Schizo.... but Paul my therapist says he trys not to label.... A lot of times I feel like I can control my symptoms to a degree... but then again sometimes I think I am, and am not.. Make sense??? ( actually I have been sorta like this since I was 12) I am not making sense...... WHY???

They started me out on one med.. this time .. I use to be on 3 or 4... INVEGA... was told I should see an improvement in 3 days?? today is day 4/...3 am still awake??? I was told this pill was short of a wonder pill!!! Would make me sleep, not angry, not depressed , not manic, ( sorry just a tad manic right now) , not hallucinate, or hear voices..... OK I KNOW give it more time....

Also .. fighting the drinking.... so far so good .... but man I sure do want one right now... course I do not think I have ever drank just one...

Got another apointment in about 4 wks... we shall see... but I was getting pretty bad.. exspecially when I was drinking.. ok.. enough about me!!!

But Glad you seem to be in a better mood... and I cannot remember the rest of the posts.....

Talk to you all later !! Gabs

Stupid TIVO keeps changing the channell!!!ARGH!!! Ok I am OK!! I need to sleep.. if I do not this may not turn out good...

I have soooo much to do this week.. I do not have time for a drunk..... plus the meds willnot work on alcohol and I soooo want them to work.. OK I said enough about me! Sorry

[paula]

Hi Gabby, long time no see/hear Ha!

Well I've took my deep breath, now you take your's. BREATH!

I see you've been busy? Nice to hear!

Things have settled down here on the home front, and am I glad to see they have.

My G.P has put me on another Anti-Depressant as well as Mertazapine, Diazapam & Dicloflex. So I am taking two antidepressants now? What a fat lot of good they will do me!

I'll tell you what though! On Saturday night, I didn't take any. Couldn't be arsed to tell you the truth. Pissed off with taking drug's for this and drug's for that. Just thought I would see how I coped!

Well..... I eventually got to sleep, about 5.30 A.M. I woke about 8.30 A.M. I felt as rough as toast, honest. I couldn't believe it? I thought if anything, I would be feeling better with not having any drugs in me, but nooooo.

I couldn't even take any antidepressants then and there as there night time one's. They have a sedative in them. So....... I had to hack the day with this dreaded feeling! I'll tell you what, I won't be doing that again in a hurry!

I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but I was glad when night fall came. Just to have my med's. I felt a lot better this morning I can tell you!

Paula

[Natalie]

Hi Paula-

I'll try to answer some of your questions.

First, you are absolutely correct about the medications. Usually if someone has several different issues, there is no one magic bullet that will fix everything. BOO.

Sometimes, even if someone has one disorder, they still may need multiple meds to fix it. To use depression as an example... often depression can be helped by tinkering with someone's neurotransmitters (basically chemicals in the brain that help the cells function and send messages to each other). The problem is that there isn't just one neurotransmitter that can get out of whack when someone is depressed. We have several different neurotransmitters working in different parts of our brains. So, the person may need more than one drug to hit the neurotransmitters.

Also, there is no way to tell (right now) if (and which) neurotransmitters are out of whack... so, that's why the medication process is experimenting and trial and error. Frustrating and draining, I know.

You also raise another point... sometimes the meds used for psychiatric conditions cause other issues. All medications have some side effects-it's just the pros/cons that you have to weigh when you take them. It's an individual decision about whether you can tolerate the side effects that come with the drug.

I'll write more another time about why people develop disorders.

[paula]

Awe cheers Natalie! You could do with writing a blog or having yourself something that Allan has when you click on the link, he has made a tape recording of his self explaining the different forms of therapy and their affects.

Would you not want to do anything like that. I mean you seem to be well up on depressive situations, and it would be good to listen rather than read about some of these issues.

I can relate to the issues and their benifits better, by listening to some one explain thing's, rather than read about it! I'm no better of reading about something, at the end of it, than when I started reading about it? Does that make sense? Still confused when I've read about it?

Thanks again Natalie!

Paula

[Natalie]

I hear you Paula-

We all have preferred ways of learning. In fact, I am the opposite- I do better reading something first.

Unfortunately, I don't have time to record a blog right now... I wear many different hats here at this website, and I can't fit it in. Great idea, though.

I can try to explain things in different ways, though, if that helps.

Did what I said about the meds make sense?

[paula]

Hi Natalie

Yes. What you said did make sense! The penny finally dropped! I understand clearly, infact, crystal clear!

It does make sense though! Doesn't it? I mean, obviously, there's going to be different receptor's in your brain. How would we communicate,think,action,remember and so on, if they all worked of the one recepter. Or Neurotransmitters, whatever they are called?

I fully understand your explanation too. Thank you Natalie. You did a wonderful job there. Remind me to call upon yourself when I'm having problem's trying to understand situation's like this. This is why I mentioned the blog and a recording. Maybe when your not to busy? Going of what you've mentioned, it seems to be never! Never mind! It was only a thought!

Take care!

[cady1307]

I love Paula! : )

"I hope life leads me to your door someday"