John, Jetliner

[JustTrying]

Thank you ... as one of those that were misunderstood... I know how bad it can hurt.... both parties.... I am trying to express myself better by explaining myself more.

JT

[malign]

The thing is, no one's being "run off". Jetliner has been trying to decide whether to leave for some time, but it's his choice, no matter how many times he makes it.

Unfortunately, he said something about "having come to hate this place" right after a reply from Linda, but I don't think the two were related. I agree that it might have been nice if one of them had checked with the other before being offended.

Aaron's idea about moderators "helping" Jetliner to make up his mind were Aaron's own opinion; in no way would the site consider banning someone for a reason like that.

All in all, I don't see much difference between JustTrying's description and what actually goes on, here. I, as a moderator, have no desire to "jump on" anybody. It's just that they seem to be doing it, just fine, without me. So, when someone does come into a thread, urging calm, it's not "jumping on", it's what it sounds like: a request for calm.

The difficulty with "someone" addressing in PM each person who's acting out is that quite often, the acting out has already occurred and done its damage, before any PM could get through. We've all got problems; it's not one of our rights to dump them on others. If we find ourselves so off-balance that we can't behave ourselves appropriately, it's our job to ask for help, rather than the other way around. And if people did that, instead of going off on each other, I could go back to chasing off spammers and leave the community to take care of its own.

[JustTrying]

IF Jetliner wanted to just leave.... he would... do you all not understand by him coming here and still posting... that he is hurting in some way and needs someone to talk to????

IF a site pisses me off .... I tell them f u and I do not go back......

He wants and needs someone to talk to..... can you not as a "moderator" see that?????

I never said you all were trying to run HIM off... I got onto another subject.....

SOOO much for trying to explain myself..... but I am going to keep trying for a bit and then???

JT

[danni]

JT...I agree with you. If he comes back, there's a reason for it and that is personal to him. He is always welcome to come and go.

Where it gets sticky for me is the need to be unkind. I don't know why that would be necessary.

You say if you got pissed off and wanted to leave a site, you would say FU and leave. If I got pissed off and it wasn't worth my time to try and work it out...I would just leave and let that speak for itself. It's one of those places where two wrongs don't make a right in my opinion. The F word doesn't need to get thrown around. What I feel that is saying is you offended me or hurt me so I'm going to be mean and hurt you too.

I think it's possible to express yourself without intentionally trying to hurt someone else. Anyone who knows me knows I'm pretty opinionated. But I will always try to be careful with the words I use so I can express my opinions with as much sensitivity as I can. Doesn't mean it will be received that way, especially by those who disagree, and I can't help that but I always try. Sometimes the best thing to say...is nothing. I need to work on that too.

[malign]

The thing is, Jetliner has PM'ed me, at various times, when he needed to. No one has shut him down, here. _I_ can realize that he needs to talk, otherwise why would he come here, but it's not me that needs to realize it. Until _he_ realizes it, and talks, there's really a limited amount that I can do.

How about this, Gabby? Is there something that you need to talk about, where you felt "run off"? You know you're welcome to discuss it, here or in another thread. I'm sorry if I'm slow, sometimes.

[danni]

Gabby,

I'm available too if you want to PM and talk about anything. You do sound a little frustrated. If you think it would feel better to talk, I'd be happy to do that with you.

[JustTrying]

ok..... of course this may not be the thread to to do this.... but yes .... I am frustrated.....I WAS removed for 30 days.... I still have the PM .... and I have played nice since then.... and now I am on 3 months probation and MAYBE>>> JUST MAYBE i will be a moderator again???? I have been on this site long before many of you have been.... I learned my lesson got the point..... in my mind it is I can say what I need to say.... but I need to keep talking and expand....because all of you that EVER thought I hurt anyone... have no clue.... I did not do that on purpose it was just my short posts..... I am use to a world where people know what you mean

You know what ... I HAVE to deal with people in the REAL world disrespecting me.....I do not have to put up with this on the internet..... if you get me good...... if not that is YOUR PROBLEM>

BTW YOU WILL NOT RUN ME OFF UNLESS MARK BANS ME AND I DO NOT SEE THAT HAPPENING BECAUSE I AM A GOOD PERSON.......

Say la ve

JT

[Nicolec]

............

[Lindamomof7]

Mark you said:

"Unfortunately, he said something about "having come to hate this place" right after a reply from Linda, but I don't think the two were related. I agree that it might have been nice if one of them had checked with the other before being offended."

I'm not sure I understand your thoughts here. My reply to jetliner was supportive and understanding. Not sure why he replied to mine as he did but how else was I suppose to respond? Or any of us for that matter?

I think this is another example of how threads can get out of hand.

And I am not necessairly talking about this thread

I think moderators do a great job but I think sometimes the decision for letting a member have "freedom" to say things no matter how they feel and then the thread quickly changes for the worst and its all written in a post read by others and it is the other members who must suffer from the freedom of thoughts of the member posting.

It is a very fine line of protecting the member posting or the other many members who read the posts. Either way someone gets hurt or offended so will it be the member who might not seem not in control or is it all the supportive members who are reading.?

Jet liner I hope your ok I was only responding to your indecisive posts of always saying you wanted to leave. I think many of us feel the same way. But it is our responsibility if we are asking for help, suggestions or support to graciousley accept other members views and do what we need to do with it. That is our reponsibilities as adults on an adult forum.

Sometimes a break is well needed and if you feel that a few days or a few weeks will help you then by all means do it and come back saying "Hi everyone, I'm back"....

[Luna-]

JT

No one is trying to run you or anyone else off. There is no reason at all to do this. I have defended you in the past (I have bipolar too) and I know you are a good person, you've never been anything but a good person. You haven't done anything wrong; you are accepted; you belong as much as anyone of us in this community and you have been here longer than most of us. You are due as much respect as anyone else.

I don't understand "Say la ve", is it Spanish?

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Linda and All,

Just for the sake of clarification for all of us:

Freedom to speak what is on our minds must be tempered by common sense. What I mean is that freedom to discuss our issues does not mean we can abuse other people. Please understand, I am not referring to any person nor am I accusing anyone. I am talking about all of us. Even when one of us gets angry at another person here, they need to behave with maturity and control their impulses to lash out.

As for John, I read the threads and I think there is a lot of over reaction. Of course, the problem with E.Mail is that it is always easy to misunderstand what someone is saying.

Allan:)

[Calla]

...Perhaps the "offender" is having a real bad week or month..... perhaps if everyone jumps on them they may do something like commit suicide or hurt themselves..... this is a mental health site and for some mental health is very >>>>> Trying to think of the word>>>> FRAGILE????

This is a major concern of mine also which is what prompted me to write about sensitivty. I'm not criticising ANYONE or meaning just moderators here. This is just a bit of a worry on a site like this I think. I have been as guilty as anyone I admit.