The ‘Insignificance Factor’

[Anguished]

I recently found myself in a social situation which amplified peoples’ awareness of my strange and peculiar lifestyle choices, specifically I’m referring to the fact that I’m a 27-year old unmarried single man that never has sex. Sometimes the pain of the humiliation is just too much to handle. I just can’t put myself out there anymore right now. And perhaps not ever again.

But it’s not just the humiliation, is it? Now, there are people in the world that would never ridicule a man living with this condition (micropenis), but I do not know anyone that doesn’t have some kind of reaction to it. I call it the ‘insignificance factor’. My colleagues at a previous job found out my secret once, and that was the end of that employ. It was as if suddenly my ideas were not as valid anymore. There was an undeniable lack of respect shown to me from everyone after this knowledge was divulged. I couldn’t believe it. Has anyone else ever experienced this? Whenever someone finds out I always feel that I’m being treated less like a man than before. Some women who know my secret treat me as an ‘insignificant’ man, not that they necessarily laugh about it, just that a guy with no dick is ultra-harmless to a woman’s perception. It’s this really bizarre asexual atmosphere, where even if both parties just want to be friends, the relationship is different because she knows there’s absolutely no way you could do anything for her sexually in any circumstances.

Here is one of the most frustrating aspects of this condition. I must conceal this secret at all costs, or I risk everything that I currently have. I’ve had to extinguish contact from entire groups of friends. When an old friend told his wife about my condition the news spread like wildfire. She told everyone she knew. When we were at parties together she would remind people. When I confronted her about this she claimed that she had an ethical obligation to tell her friends because she would want one of them to tell her if the guy she just met had a baby-dick. What a bitch.

So, I moved. I’ve been in my new city for 6 years now. I’ve kissed two women in that time. That’s all. This is the choice that I’ve made. I chose self-imposed isolation over accepting the ridicule/humiliation as an inevitable part of our lives. We can live without being exposed, but sometimes I don’t know if the price is too high. I’m so alone. I’m asking myself if true happiness is possible for a guy like me. The one thing I want most in the world is the feeling that a man must have when he’s holding a woman in his arms and staring into her eyes after giving her the most glorious sexual satisfaction in her life. That’s nothing but a pipe dream for me.

An impotent micropenis. I’m so ashamed of myself. So pathetic and weak.

I am willing to consider alternative courses of action in managing and living with this condition, so please don’t be shy. Thanks.

[IrmaJean]

It is always sad to hear of such cruelty and a lack of respect by others for a fellow human being. I'm sorry that you've been treated this way, Anguished.

The one thing I want most in the world is the feeling that a man must have when he’s holding a woman in his arms and staring into her eyes after giving her the most glorious sexual satisfaction in her life.

Sometimes I think we can get caught up in the performance angle of sex, when it may hold such deeper meaning. As a woman, I appreciate being valued and treated gently. There is a gift in connectedness with someone that you care deeply about. The unfolding of another before you and the shared act of togetherness is always a beautiful thing. Sexual satisfaction comes from being with someone you love. This moment may still happen for you, but you have to consider its possibility.

Social isolation and anxiety seems a common theme in this area of the site.

I tend to agree that the price of self-isolation is too high. There is always a risk involved with putting oneself out there, but one must first face that risk in order to have the chance at having connections with others and the happiness those relationships may potentially bring. I realize this is easier said than done, but we are only here so long. Might as well live our lives to the fullest...

Nearlydead has a thread on here somewhere about how to deal with potential ridicule. There are some thoughts in that thread which you might find helpful. Maybe he will be along soon to offer his thoughts and wisdom.

I hope things look up for you soon, Anguished.

[Notdoneyet]

I recently found myself in a social situation which amplified peoples’ awareness of my strange and peculiar lifestyle choices, specifically I’m referring to the fact that I’m a 27-year old unmarried single man that never has sex. Sometimes the pain of the humiliation is just too much to handle. I just can’t put myself out there anymore right now. And perhaps not ever again.

But it’s not just the humiliation, is it? Now, there are people in the world that would never ridicule a man living with this condition (micropenis), but I do not know anyone that doesn’t have some kind of reaction to it. I call it the ‘insignificance factor’. My colleagues at a previous job found out my secret once, and that was the end of that employ. It was as if suddenly my ideas were not as valid anymore. There was an undeniable lack of respect shown to me from everyone after this knowledge was divulged. I couldn’t believe it. Has anyone else ever experienced this? Whenever someone finds out I always feel that I’m being treated less like a man than before. Some women who know my secret treat me as an ‘insignificant’ man, not that they necessarily laugh about it, just that a guy with no dick is ultra-harmless to a woman’s perception. It’s this really bizarre asexual atmosphere, where even if both parties just want to be friends, the relationship is different because she knows there’s absolutely no way you could do anything for her sexually in any circumstances.

Here is one of the most frustrating aspects of this condition. I must conceal this secret at all costs, or I risk everything that I currently have. I’ve had to extinguish contact from entire groups of friends. When an old friend told his wife about my condition the news spread like wildfire. She told everyone she knew. When we were at parties together she would remind people. When I confronted her about this she claimed that she had an ethical obligation to tell her friends because she would want one of them to tell her if the guy she just met had a baby-dick. What a bitch.

So, I moved. I’ve been in my new city for 6 years now. I’ve kissed two women in that time. That’s all. This is the choice that I’ve made. I chose self-imposed isolation over accepting the ridicule/humiliation as an inevitable part of our lives. We can live without being exposed, but sometimes I don’t know if the price is too high. I’m so alone. I’m asking myself if true happiness is possible for a guy like me. The one thing I want most in the world is the feeling that a man must have when he’s holding a woman in his arms and staring into her eyes after giving her the most glorious sexual satisfaction in her life. That’s nothing but a pipe dream for me.

An impotent micropenis. I’m so ashamed of myself. So pathetic and weak.

I am willing to consider alternative courses of action in managing and living with this condition, so please don’t be shy. Thanks.

It's contrary to normal male behavior for a man to disseminate such information about another man, whether it be a friend or foe. Although I haven't been blessed with a penis small enough to be considered to be micro-sized, I none the less am smaller than the accepted alleged average.

While still attending public school, I did have one guy mention my handicap in mixed company and he did managed to get a good laugh from everybody in hearing shot.

However, once I soundly thrashed his rather substantial ass in front of his audience, they soon had little to be mirthful about.

Of course, as any who are familiar with the airport security officer's plight, knows, this would be unacceptable in present day society.

Alas, the "good old days", were, in some cases, very good indeed.

[Recluse]

Sorry to hear of your situation. I am not micro but I am small enough to not lead a normal sex life due to a girth that is below average. I know that I cannot understand your situation but I do know what it is like more than most others would. I too am 27 and have never had any interaction with women beyond seeing prostitutes. I don't know if you would ever be open to doing that but you can even meet escorts online and let them know of your situation ahead of time so there are no surprises. I have let them know that my girth is below average before even seeing them so that I don't have to deal with that moment of showing them how pathetic I am for the first time.

[BillyBoy]

Thats rough anguished, theres nothing worse than feeling like less than a man, believe me I know. Its terrible that we as a society have gotten to the point where every other attribute from birth, i.e skin color, sexuality, etc. has become taboo to ridicule but penis size remains fair game. In anycase, I don't know if it helps you, but the way I see things, guys like us have two choices. We can either retreat into seclusion, and fill ourselves with such doubt that approaching death is our only comfort or we can take our insecurities and use them to drive us to conquer all in our path. Give a woman someone to believe in, and brother your free.

[Anguished]

I do not take offense at all skynight.

Hey, I came to this site looking for a connection. I need to make changes in my life and to do that, I first have to find some communication with people who have similar issues.

I'm willing to try anything at this point.

How would one locate asexual women? Is that a dating site kind of thing?

I wouldn't even know where to start.

Any toys or extensions you can recommend?

I've been living as a hermit for the last 5 years, but I've decided that there has to be something more in life for me.

Any help is greatly appreciated.

[Recluse]

I don't have a micropenis so I would not dare and say that I understand what you are going through. I however, have a penis that is below average in girth and that has prevented me from ever dating or having girlfriends. I have managed to hide my situation but people think there is something weird about me as I am 27 and have never had a relationship or girlfriend and the only sex I have had is with hookers. I have also chosen to recluse myself as that makes things easier. It is very uncomfortable when women flirt with me, especially in front of friends because it forces me to come up with more excuses which lead to more questions. I don't just assume my situation is grim but I have spent hours doing research on the internet about this and every woman says girth is the most important measurement to size and the vast majority of comments from women corroborate this. Again, I know you have a condition worse than mine so I don't claim to know what you are going through but based on your posts I have seen that we have behaviors in common as a result of being small.

[Recluse]

Skynight, I am glad to hear that you are moving foward so you can get over this. I wish you the best of luck with it.

[BillyBoy]

My only sexual experience has been with a hooker myself, I know what you guys are going through, particularly when my best friend, my homie, is such a playboy. I felt like such a loser, and I still do to some degree. The single greatest factor in changing that feeling was to decided that I was atleast going to compete. I lost before because I didn't try, atleast if I try I got a chance to compete, you dig?