this is not the norm for self injure's ?

[mscat]

I'd like to know what it means if anything when a person self injures severely? I do not think it is the norm for self injurer's to do serious harm to themselves. However, it does happen. Why is it hard not to severely harm oneself ? After doing it once? Is it that the pain is not felt as much anymore? and it is easier to to assult one's body?

I ask because i've severely self injured and it is never too far away to engage in the behavior again. I would think I've learned my lesson however, it is not about lessons learned.

I get so disconnected and far away from myself that nothing is real anymore. That is when i Self injure badly. It starts out with stress, and builds up from there getting worse and worse. Then when things are at it's worse nothing makes sense anymore. It is a force, or drive to do bodily harm, and won't be resolved until it is followed through.

Then, there is a trip to the ER, AND CCU, and surgery, skin graphs, stitches, Iv's , Doctors, Nurses, infection, Blood machines, excrutiating pain, bandage changes evaluations, staying in there for 7 days.

WHY would anyone want to be put through all that, then be badly scarred for life?

I'd certainly like to know the Psychological reasons behind such extreme Self injury? That way I can know myself better.

[Kalima]

As I understand it, self harm is addictive. A drug addict dosent experience the same level of high and has to increase the dose to get the same effeect.

Whilst the 'need' to self-harm remains constant the person self-harming finds that they cannot gain the same level of relife that they 'need' and so they find they have to inflict a greater level of pain or harm to achieve the desired release, depending on the reasons why a person self-harms.

Personally the pain is what keeps me struggling with this issue. It offers relife from my thoughts and distracts me, although I do feel a weird level of satisfaction looking at the marks on my arms, this is usually however followed by guilt and distress. But I've found when I do resort to self-harming each time I do I 'need' it to hurt more than the previous time.

There are better coping methods than self-harm.

[mscat]

since I self harm when the feeling of numbness is powerful enough to make me fell unreal. It helps me know that i am alive . i am not necessasrily going for the pain .... But, the pain knocks me back into reality .

The secod degree burns, also serve it's purpose, and there is a feeling of calmness for a while. It is not a chemical addiction either, like a drug habit.

The human body is not geared to like pain... Pain is an idicater of something that is hurting in the body, most people do not like it. It is not the norm for people to enjoy being hurt.

Self injury releases endorhines in the body, which there is the feel good response. the severe self injury is what I was referring to. Not done for the purpose of pain, or anger. It is different for me. I am aware that it starts out with stress, and accumaltes from there.

People differ about self injury and it does not fit in one neat little package. It is personal. Often, tried to be kept secretive. I am not thrilled about the injuries though, but, have concluded that i do not care either.

[Kalima]

It's not the pain thats the addictive quality of si but the adrelalin. whether it makes you feel alive or more focused or whatever.

I have used pain to counteract numbness, not feeling anything hurts. Strange but I think somehow true. I have also found si very calming when I become anxious and feel I will have a panic attack, because it draws my focus away from the thoughts swirling in my head.

Everyone is unique but can anyone honestly say si is not addictive in someway? If it isn't why continue right?

[Mark]

I wrote about six reasons why people self-injure recently. I'm not any sort of world expert on the subject, but I've done so reading and have certainly talked to my share of people who do it. And there are many people who report that endorphin addiction sort of thing. Others are trying to come back from numbness, others are literally trying to self-punish themselves. others have different reasons.

have you thought about what function the self-injury plays in your life?

I get so disconnected and far away from myself that nothing is real anymore. That is when i Self injure badly.

That sounds like you are using self-injury as a way to come back from dissociation and numbness. And perhaps the extent of the self-injury is in proportion to the numbness you feel. Or perhaps (also ?) there is a self-punishment component to the injury? Like - you deserve to be punished becuase you are bad in some manner? Thinking about the motivations to injure may help you to understand where the extra damage is coming from ????

[mscat]

I do blame myself for everything, but, do not punish myself when I burn my arms. It is about anger, and not feeling alive. Sometimes, I will SI for other reasons as well. It can be an impulsive act too. I just react when thereis too much stress and I "explode" instead of taking it out on others, I take it out on myself.

Yes, there is an endorphin release that occurs, which I have had happened numerous times. I do have a high tolerance to pain, and the pain snaps me back into reality.

At 16, I cut myself badly with a paper clip... while in a Psych hospital.. and burned with cig. until I could not feel any pain at all . That stopped , and I suffered a severe eating disorder for 8 years.. I realise that I take things to the All or nothing, and when I set out to do something I go far. Even my weight has been to the extreme. Fat, to too thin, fat , thin and heavy again. There is no in between . SO when I Si it is no wonderthat I have severely hurt myself on more then one occasion.

Anther thing that happens is that disconnection can get so bad that my body is in parts.. Everything is in pieces. And not attatched. When this happens I zero on one part of the body and burn, using chemicals. This is why I end up with skin graphs and surgeries. Just trying to explain what Self injury has been like for me.

And that is why I think that I am not the average person who engages in SI. It is different for me.

[mscat]

Everyone is unique but can anyone honestly say si is not addictive in someway? If it isn't why continue right?

It is the endorphine release that happens in the body. Makes people feel better after SI.

I believe SI is a learned behavior and becomes easier to do once started. It is a way to cope. I do not believe i am addicted to SI. It may be hard to stop altogether, yet it is not addictive, like drugs or drinking are.

People continue to do it because they feel better afterwards. I reasoned with myself a long time ago that SI is Fine, because it is not hurting anyone else.

[JustTrying]

I too believe it is addictive....

I have always had a high pain tolerance. Use to do things on purpose when I was kid to get "spanked' then Started out hitting myslef on my legs with things to leave bruises... also got into some "kinky" relationships.. ( won't go into detail) got the same kind of high. Refuse to wear shoes on rocks.. like the pain... finnally graduated to cutting... not severly yet.... My legs are all cut up right now but healing... maybe no bad scars???

The few people I have told about this... do not understand....

Gabby

[mscat]

Be aware that it only gets worse. You think it is addictive now, just wait until it get to the point where it is out of control. When i think of addiction it does not include self injury.