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It's true that black and white is difficult to discern online and that we can only offer our opinions on this. I have another question. Has he ever initiated contact in these email exchanges? How often are you communicating? Behaviors that are black and white unethical might represent his fully acting out...Considering what he is doing now may prevent this from happening.

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Guest ASchwartz

Somethingorother, Chisholm and Everyone,

First:

I guess none of you are aware of who I am. I work for the Mental Help web site. I am employed as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and a Certified Psychoanayst who has also trained and worked in family therapy, psychiatry, both inpatient and out and had a private practice for many years in New York City (Madison Avenue). I have been interviewed and quoted in newspapers in the US and UK and have been on radio and TV.

By the way, I also write mental health articles that are seen and read regularly on this site and I answer reader questions.

I just want to assure you that I am real. You can find my credentials on this very site. Just look under the staff and you find me listed as Allan N. Schwartz, PhD.

I work under Dr. Dombeck and basically, I run the mental health aspects of this community.

Truly, I am more than a little surprised that some of you did not know any of this. :confused:

_________________________________________________________________

Second:

Chisholm, Both myself and the moderators have already provided our opinions about your situation with your "therapist." What I ask myself is, why do you not seem to understand?

Your relationship and interactions with this therapist definitely cross professional boundaries and are inappropriate. He could be brought up on ethics violations, If he is a licensed professional??

In clear terms and for the last time: This relationship should come to an end.

That is my opinion based soley on what I have read of your postings.

Dr. Schwartz

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I'd like to add one info: My posts in this thread are rather from a point of view closer to Chisholm's than to others, even that I realize that others are much more objective, can see it from "the right side", but... it's mostly because I have a feeling that I might (? maybe it's too naive to suppose this :() somehow "explain" some of her attitudes and thus inspire others to react, to explain us what's wrong with them. Now I mean mainly the fact that I can't imagine how it could be better to leave the therapist immediately than to wait some weeks for an explanation of the situation; at least having the feeling that she gave him the chance.

Allan asked "What I ask myself is, why do you not seem to understand?" Well, I think it's because she's so unsure about everything. She knows that out knowledge of the situation is limited, thus will always have doubts if our opinions are nor wrong because she gave us a wrong image of the situation. I can understand it and that's why I think she needs to talk about it with somebody in person. Even her therapist propose her to consult antoher therapist! Chisholm, your friend had valuable comments, but is not your therapist. I think you'd need to consult it with a therapist. Perhaps it would be the best to take a break from the current therapy - you would not have to be so stressed as if it was "the end"! It would be only a break, which could turn into the end when you'll have understood the situation thanks to your new therapist.

What do you think?

P.S.: Allan, I've never had any doubts about your identity :)

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But he is wrong in this, Chisholm, and many of us have seen it the same way. I know all of the loving feelings can be intoxicating, but this situation isn't healthy for you. I know it hurts when that bubble breaks, but this hurt will be a whole lot less now than it could be several months down the road. Make a positive choice for yourself. Do what is best for you even when it hurts right now. What proactive action can you take? You can end this. There really isn't anything more to say. It's all been said many times over.

Best of luck to you, Chisholm.

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Guest SomethingOrOther

Hi Allan,

„some of you“ would be me. I don’t doubt your credentials, but I never had a reason to check them or check who the „Mental Help website“ is, and I doubt many people do that. I believe that I probably could, but I know I haven’t and won’t. Part of the reason I won’t check is that I don’t expect to find anything other than that you had a private practice on Madison Avenue.

The other part of the reason is that as far as I am aware, we don’t have a professional relationship. I would check a lot more, if we did. But I gather from disclaimers on this site and from reading ethical guidelines (hey, we’re still on topic!), that we don’t. Therefore what I meant to say was that you can give me opinions, but not professional counsel and I find that an important distinction. If I’m wrong about that, I have misunderstood something profoundly.

What probably caught you on the wrong foot is that I ALSO wanted to stress that it is principally a good idea not to do something, just because „someone on the internet said“. The person outside is the one who has to live with the decision, therefore it has to be the person outside who is making, and responsible for, the decision.

That wasn’t intended to discredit your opinion, qualification or person, it’s more of a universal principal.

Also, I frequently fail to use the appropriate amount of words to explain my meanings. In short, I was concerned that Chisholm would make that decision up to you, INSTEAD OF standing behind it.

I’m sorry all this has distracted from Chisholms situation and I don’t think this has to be discussed further.

Chisholm, I can understand that you want to be wrong. The alternative can seem so much more painful. But I agree that the situation cannot stay the way it is. You already took some good steps by asking people you trust for advice and I hope you can gather strength from that to take more positive actions.

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Something,

Ah yes, now I understand and, in fact, I fully agree with all you said in this last post. Thanks for the clarification. Most certainly, what I give is an opinion and most definitely, this is not therapy or counselling in any way. Lastly and most definitely, no one should go and do something just because the Internet said to do it. Too many people do not heed that warning.

That was a terrific interchange because it cleared things up.

Thanks,

Allan:)

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Thanks for your concern IJ - you have always been so consistent and sincere. I don't really want to go into the detail - something about being harshly judged on this forum that I am not particularly enjoying - if only because I thought this might be a place where it was safe not to be.

The scenario which I posted re transference/countertransference was 100% legitimate - everything happened exactly as I described except that it happened over 6 months ago. I did not want to post in retrospect precisely because I did not want people to prejudge the scenario - I wanted to get a here and now perspective and I am grateful for the clarity that I achieved in doing so. As I said events panned out exactly as I described them except that the relationship became even more intimate to the extent that I eventually got very angry and lashed out at him and accused him of abusing me. To cut a long story short, he denied everything (or to put it in his words, he insisted that he did not COMMUNICATE physical feelings - right up until the end he was a master of semantics). I was so traumatised that I drove to a forest, picked up a rusty coke tin and slashed my wrists. I was found and taken to hospital where I managed to get hold of my antidepressants and ODed on them - I was fortunately/unfortunately rescusitated. I will never forget that feeling of betrayal - I wanted to completely annihilate myself. In the words of Winnicott, "when I look I am seen, therefore I exist". The man that I had come to love and trust in 4 years of intensive therapy abused me (in so many ways, just like I was as a child).

Again to cut a long story short I managed to retrieve a lever-arch file full of the emails between us that were stored in my archives (if I had not had this evidence, I might well have started believing that I was delusional because like the movie Changeling, this is the scenario I found myself in). Together with the file of emails, I made application (via a 10 page letter) for Peer Review to SASOP (the South African Society of Psychiatrists). It seems that the emails were fairly self explanatory and my psychiatrist was suspended and sent back for his own in depth long term therapy. He consulted his lawyers and I was asked for my assurances that I not take the matter further (to the HPCSA - licensing body, as it seems he might well have lost his license) - I was informed (and this was unforgivable) that he was a highly esteemed psychiatrist (he is a senior academic neuropsychiatrist at UCT) and that they hoped that I would not take the matter any further. All the psychiatrists and psychologists as well as legal counsel that I consulted were of the opinion that this was a case of what Glen Gabbard calls the "lovesick" therapist ie that he was not a malicious "predator". I did not know what to believe, I still don't - all I know is that this has profoundly affected my self-belief - my sense of self. It seems obvious to everyone that he had feelings for me - the objective evidence is overwhelming as well as SASOP's decision - yet I sit with all the self doubt wondering whether it was somehow my fault - whether I imagined all of this - and therein lies the damage. I was abused, abandoned, betrayed and negilgently managed - I was lucky to get out of it alive. I could not see the wood for the trees during my therapy. I did not take it further, if only because I loved him - if only because he is human and at the end of the day he will have to live with his conscience.

In short/long - that is what happened.

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Chisholm, I'm so sorry you went through all of this. :o Please know that the unethical behavior of your therapist was NOT your fault. I'm also sorry you have felt judged harshly here. I'm sorry you've been damaged and hurt by your experience with your therapist.

How are you feeling now? Did you ever go back to therapy with a different therapist? I imagine it is even harder for you to trust now.

You are not at fault for any of this, Chisholm. I'm sorry that you were hurt. :)

((Chisholm))

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Thanks IJ. Am currently in therapy with a wonderful FEMALE psychologist. She also emphasises that none of it is my fault. In the end I played passive aggressive (I had very few defences open to me) and told him his "physical feelings were destroying me" - that's when he ran for cover. After he denied everything he sent me a text whilst I was still in the clinic (after my hospitalisation) saying ".....you need to understand that you are where you are of your own making..." - you cannot imagine what this did to me. I guess I just did not play along nicely - I rocked the love boat so to speak.

I found your (the forums) opinions fascinating if only because his feelings seemed so obvious to everyone else(all the other psychiatrists) in hindsight so I wanted to see if they were obvious to those who did not have that knowledge. Seems they were as was the unethical aspect of it. Amazing how when you are in the midst of it, you see nothing. Even now I doubt myself and doubt everyone who has advised me. I did not for one minute realise the the emails were so unethical, that they were so flirtatious. The intimacy became rather intense but even then I could not see the wrong in it if only because the feelings were mutual - guess I trusted him.

I gave my word that I would not take the matter further - I knew that it would mean the end of his career and I could not do that to him. At the end of the day all I have left is my own integrity and I still do not think his intentions were malicious, just very misguided.

PS I never felt judged in this thread. Just a bit sticky in one of the others.

Thanks again IJ

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Living in the house of pain. Left brain chatter and self doubt are my constant companion. Self doubt - wondering whether I saw things correctly. Yes, I wanted him to have feelings for me. Wondering if they were my own projections. Despite every psychologist and psychiatrist telling me I saw things so clearly. Despite SASOP suspending and sending him back for his own depth therapy.This is something I sent him recently. Forgive me the length thereof:

Apparently…..

I am writing this to a ghost of the past because I am fast becoming a ghost in my own world. I have no real sense of who I am anymore – in so many ways you took away my sense of reality, because my reality was so inextricably bound up with yours – apparently that was not my responsibility/doing, it was yours. Apparently my mistake was not in NOT trusting you, apparently I was too trusting. You see I never knew what was at stake – apparently that was not my responsibility, apparently it was yours. Somehow in trusting you, I forgot the lawyer in me, I lowered my defences, I trusted you – I did not know what was at stake. Professional misconduct – the word did not even enter my mind in my therapy with you – it did not even occur to me because I trusted you. Subconsciously, apparently I knew things were not as they should have been in therapy – that unbelievable anxiety, exacerbated by every inconsistency, by all the unsaids and subtext and the email relationship which I NOW understand had a life of its own – not knowing that honesty could constitute professional misconduct. Ah the irony – that I took the matter to SASOP not because you “communicated” romantic feelings but because you denied it in the manner that you did.

My sin was to yearn for authenticity, honesty, consistency, a sense of being seen for who I was, not who you needed me to be or what the fine edge of ethics needed me to be. I could not see the woods for the trees – I ran slap bang into tree after tree but apparently it is you who should have been maintaining sufficient distance in order to see the woods. Some psychologist on Health24 wrote that the greatest gift that a therapist can give their client is a boundaried relationship. E (my current psychologist) says she will never enter into intellectualizations with me – she says I hide behind that too easily (so apparently do you) – she says what I need is authenticity and she insists that she will never tell me anything or offer an opinion that she does not wholly believe. Apparently (according to E) I am “tall, slim and beautiful, apparently I have a passionate, sensual, insightful, authentic personality with an incredible intellect which she feels would intimidate most people and attract others…”. The words I need her to repeat over and over again…. “authentic”, authentic, authentic because I don’t feel real anymore. “When I look, I am seen, therefore I exist” – Winnicott.

“You are where you are of your own making,” – those words nearly killed me all over again – they murdered my soul and they raped my mind and yet I still love you. How could it be of my own making when I had no idea what was at stake, how could it be of my own making when I could not even envisage the consequences? Do you sometimes wish that I had died (I do) – nobody would have known? You were quite willing to sacrifice my sanity in the end to save yourself – is that love? I am unbelievably confused, angry, hurt, abandoned, betrayed and abused but not hate – I don’t know how to hate – if that’s what it takes to grow boundaries then I want no part of it. Up until then John, I had no intention of taking things any further but I realised I was in extreme danger of losing myself – I had to be heard. When you denied everything, you fractured my reality – I had no psychic reality in that moment. I watched the movie Changeling – what that woman went through, I went through.

Apparently I have no pathology, apparently I should never have been in therapy for so long, apparently what you did to me, few people would have survived. Apparently your abandonment and betrayal is unforgivable – yet I was ready to forgive you. Apparently I was magnanimous in my application – this stated by your own colleagues. Yes, there was a huge gaping hole in the emotional intimacy lacking in my life – you slotted neatly into that. Even now I do not regret the intimacy we experienced but at what price.

Dr N has apologized on your behalf – she initially assumed that I was a boundary pusher when she saw all the emails….. then she read them. The lawyer in me may have forsaken me but I have a policy of never deleting my emails (it’s the 1st thing they teach you in articles) – thank God – failing that I would truly be fragmented.

But what I can’t come to terms with is how wrong the emails apparently were. I have tried so hard to defend you, to defend them, to find someone – some psychologist/psychiatrist - willing to tell me that the emails were acceptable. Dr N felt that they were totally incorrect and improper, she in fact stated that she was even loathe to email her clients their bills. Others have stated that they won’t even give out their email addresses. Dr N stated that she had heard of colleagues skyping overseas patients but then the emails were agreed upon and invoiced. Dr N felt that there was a “hubris” in therapists assuming that they could control their “feelings” – even the most experienced ones. When I told her that SASOP informed me that you had sought supervision during therapy with me, she adamantly insisted that no supervisor worth his salt would have agreed to the emails. Besides the emails themselves, Dr E I was also horrified at the confidentiality implications on an open UCT server – this had never even occurred to me. Dr R initially accused me of being complicit when she read the emails – she asked me what on earth I thought I was doing and what my husband thought of them. I told her that I genuinely believed that your intentions were good and John, I still believe that despite everything. I did not know they were wrong – I knew the content had gone too far but I did not know they were wrong.

Apparently I trusted you. Professor S called you a “predator, a gigolo and the-rapist” and accused me of being brainwashed by the psychoanalytic cult when I defended you – I reported him to his editor. I wanted to be wrong (I wanted it to be “of my own making”) if only because it would make you right but apparently you were wholly in the wrong. D S (who filled in for E while she was away) insisted that the emails were wrong – I begged her to try and find a place for them, she could not. She seemed to know you and like Dr N felt that your feelings clouded your judgement. She honed in on what I felt – she said you “feel abused”? I don’t know what to believe – I don’t know what is real anymore. The art of real-making – I guess somehow we both missed that part in Winnicott’s theory.

In my last session, I asked E what the difference was between my enjoying the sexual abuse as an 11-year-old and enjoying the attention I received from you. She replied ‘intention’, she believed that you fell in love with me but in so doing, in the words of Scott Peck, you lost your boundaries and in the words of Dr N, your feelings affected your judgement. I could live with that…..….if I believed it. You are the only person that knows the answer to that and you were the only person in our relationship that knew what was at stake. The anger that I felt in therapy COULD only be expressed passive aggressively. You took the little direct anger that I did show far too personally. Do you remember when I told you (re the email change) that the thoughts that had gone through my mind were “fuck you arsehole!” ? At the end of that session, you asked me whether I had forgiven you – apparently (according to Dr N and E) you personalized the anger and then you sexualized it by telling me the definition of ‘hallway sex’. I can tell you that at that moment, sex was the furthest thing from my mind – clearly it was not from yours. E and Dr N described the emails between us as intellectual masturbation/intellectual foreplay. Your romantic feelings seem blatantly obvious to all the psychiatrists and psychologists – but is that all I was to you – was I just a brief flirtation for you - was I just filling up some hole in your life? I know that you have experienced loss – no, that’s not Forer’s guess – I know hollow reflections when I see them. D S described you as a “young man in a hurry” – I remember asking you (after November 2008) whether I was just Machiavellian residue. Is your ambition so bloodthirsty?

My God – when you said that I was an “indirect threat”, I really had no idea what the true implications were - but you did. Do you know how uneasy that made me feel. How could you possibly expect me to verbalise anything knowing that you found your own feelings threatening?? I tried to tell you that – I tried. E said I was crying out for authenticity, to be understood, to understand but you could never see. There was too much in the way. Not for one minute did I fear your physical feelings, why would I - I had my own. Somehow, subconsciously I picked up your fear but I could not understand what the implications were (but you did) and the rest is history…….

Despite everything, I ache and I miss you every day. When I saw you the other day in Melissa’s I went into a state of shock all over again (PTSD according to E), I shook and I trembled and I wept – it took 2 days for it to wear off. I have seen you often in Newlands Avenue, so now I don’t run there anymore, I don’t walk there anymore. I don’t want to live like this. E feels that the damage that this has done to my self trust, to my confidence, to my sense of reality is huge. Obsessing and left brain chatter has now become my constant companion. I am asking you to set me free.

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Chisholm, I am glad that you have a caring, competent and ethical therapist now. I'm sorry for the suffering you have endured and are still facing from your experience with your previous therapist. I can tell that the pain and confusion runs very deep. :)

Maybe the time has come to take some power back and set yourself free from this man. Feelings within transference can be very strong and powerful. I hope that by talking about them and expressing yourself this will lessen the hold they (and he) still have on you.

Take care.

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Thanks IJ. In some ways I have moved on from this in therapy, in others not. The "damage" from this is apparently the damage he has inflicted upon my "sense of self" - my ability to trust my own feelings. I know what I felt, the intimacy was undeniable as were the objective facts, yet I keep on coming back to the fact that I might have seen things incorrectly despite all the psychs (I consulted 4 psychiatrists and 4 psychologists, SASOP and legal counsel) telling me I saw things totally clearly and that the email evidence is obvious. My current therapist felt that his feelings were a lot deeper than just physical/ countertransference (where he sees his reflections in me and vica versa) and refuses to throw it all in a black pot and burn it. She feels that I was enriched in some ways and that what I experienced, although wrong and damaging, was still affirming in some ways. My family and friends believe this as well. Do you think I should trust my feelings or at the very least trust that everbody else sees that I saw things clearly and try and move forward with this understanding?

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For what reasons would you not trust in yourself? That might be something to look at and discuss with your current therapist. Sometimes the largest lessons you take out of therapy are found in places you hadn't even considered looking. You can't change what has already taken place, but you can discover ways to heal by focusing on yourself. So I wouldn't suggest throwing it in a pot either, but rather making it about you. Looking at the motivations of your behaviors, discovering your needs, what is important to you and what fulfills you can all be a means of helping you to have healthier relationships with men who will truly love and appreciate you. I hope that continue to heal from this, Chisholm.

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I guess the lack of self belief (very little sense of self)/self esteem, etc is what landed me in therapy in the first place - that together with the fact that I was suffering from severe depression (now with the help of AD's in remission).

When it became clear(i thought it became clear and according to the experts it was obvious) that my therapist had physical feelings for me I threw them back in his face and told him (via SMS) that his feelings were "destroying me" - classic passive aggression. In the next session he denied that he had "communicated physical feelings" - apparently he used the word "communicated" because if he had explicitly stated this in one of the emails he would have been found guilty of professional misconduct and lost his license. Apparently he was saving himself and sacrificing me in the process.

The problem is/was that I completely and utterly trusted him/depended on him, so when he told me I was mistaken, I believed I was - I went through a phase of believing I was delusional (when I slit my wrists and overdosed), then I thought I had projected my feelings and that was what I was seeing - I completely lost faith in my own judgement. Funnily enough my intuition and judgement had up until then been one of my stronhest assets and my therapist (in fact all of them) had always been at pains to point this out.

All the experts, psychiatrists etc that I have subsequently consulted and have examined the matter closely (including the lever arch file of emails between us), feel that is perfectly obvious that he had romantic feelings (whether they were right or wrong is not really NB to me - just that I saw things clearly) for me - apparently the flirtatious emails, SMS's and what went on in therapy speaks for itself. Yet still I doubt myself - I know what I felt (the intimacy) and yes the evidence is obvious and at times I believe this. But then at other times the left brain chatter commes racing in and tells me I was seeing things and got it totally wrong! My current therapist is long suffering indeed!!

From all the evidence that I have given you - would you say that my judgement is correct (it does not matter whether his feeling were wrong or right - only that I saw them correctly) as regards his romantic feelings (as selfish and wrong as they might have been???

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Hi Chisholm

I've been sitting in the peanut gallery listening to this discussion and I hope you don't mind me sticking my neck out here and adding what I see, since you seem to be asking ...?

I think your judgment and intuition are correct and intact. It sounded to me as if that small, still voice in you had suspicions all along but your desire to be loved and recognised overrode it. (And who wouldn't feel that way?) It didn't go away; that voice, your judgment, kept nagging at you, didn't it? It was there all along. You can trust your assessment of the situation.

*Gentle eyes* But will my saying so, help you believe it? I hear you picking at a scab and it must hurt terribly. I think at some stage you will need to let the wound heal up and grow over, whether or not you know for sure ...

--

I used to see a psychiatrist who was head of SASOP for a time (probably isn't any more, I don't know, he moved to CT). He was a very ethical man. I'm glad to know SASOP upheld your suspicions.

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I'd seen enough evidence after your first few posts. The alarm bells were sounding loudly and clearly. Despite anything he may have said to you, you are not to blame for what took place, Chisholm. You did nothing wrong in this. This was all his doing, as he was the professional and, as such, is held to a code of ethics. This means doing no harm to clients. He failed in this and you were hurt. I hope that one day you are able to fully realize this and trust in yourself from within. Take gentle care.

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This may sound wrong and going against all ethical protocol but my current therapist feels that this trauma as damaging as it has been in some ways, in others may also have been a gift. Everyone that seems to know him well (and Luna, the strange irony is that he headed up the CT subdivison of SASOP some time ago), feels that although he was very misguided, his intentions were not that of the "predator" that Gabbard describes but rather of the "lovesick" therapist ie this is not likely to be a repetitive offence. My current therapist feels that the "fit" was in fact too good between us and that there was a meeting of minds on a very deep level. That he lost his judgement is indisputable, that he violated boundaries is indisputable but everybody seems to think that this is not something he is likely to repeat. It sounds terribly corny to say that he "fell in love" (and by implication lost his boundaries literally and figuratively) but this is what all these straightfaced serious type-psychiatrists are volunteering including my current therapist. She refuses to throw the whole experience in the pot and burn it. Deep down this is what I feel/felt and this is what I believe but I guess I don't have enough faith in myself right now and this is where the damage and retraumatisation has been so severe. She believes that one day I will be able to look at him and instead of experiencing the immediate trauma (as I do now - I shake uncontrollably and cry the few times that I have seen him in the distance since the incident), I will be able to look at him and see someone who I will always have fond feelings for, but also see him for who he is, another human being that transgressed. Are they all sprouting pipe dreams and naivety?

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Hi Luna

I don't know whether you are able/or even would like to sned me an email privately - I know there is that option under profile but I cannot even remember what I entered or indeed whether my email address is linked. Would be great to chat to someone from South Africa. I'm never quite sure whether a therapist in SA means the same thing in the USA/Europe for that matter?

Thanks for the post.

X Chisholm

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From my personal (and non-professional) perspective, I'm not certain rationalizing or explaining away his behaviors is necessarily a positive thing. I believe he should be held accountable for his mistakes in this.

That being said, I think that healing is about taking the lessons of the past with you into the future in the way that most positively serves you. Forgiveness will ultimately be up to you, Chisholm.

I will be able to look at him and see someone who I will always have fond feelings for, but also see him for who he is, another human being that transgressed.

You may be able to accomplish this once you have distanced yourself from your emotional entanglement with him. I think the key is finding the lens you need to look through to heal from this. Doing this would not admonish him from guilt or wrong-doing, though...

You might also think to consider what having fond feelings means about you. Not in the sense that it pertains to him, but what is inside yourself that causes you to feel affection for others. Those are aspects of yourself that you may come to value and appreciate greatly.

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Chisholm

I'm going to PM you. :(

Are they all sprouting pipe dreams and naivety?

I don't think so. I can see why they say this. Your feelings for him were genuine, they came from your ability to love. He should not, in his position, have continued therapy with you once he realised he was "falling in love" but nevertheless his feelings were likely genuine too. Both the genuineness and the wrongdoing can have happened at the same time. He muddied the waters and has caused you to doubt yourself, by playing a "push-pull-push-pull" game with you in which he messed with your mind, but he felt for you. He is not someone you should have had to feel on your guard against and so you let your usual cautions drop.

What you have left from this situation, then, is your own ability to love, to meet someone on all the levels that the two of you 'fit' and your ability to pick up subtleties. That is why I say I think your judgment is intact. Your feelings and perception and ability to love are, and were, real and intact and you can trust them. The situation was horribly wrong, but what it says about you remains positive ...

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Hi.

I have been bumbling along trying so hard to focus on other issues but the old left brain chatter is merciless (especially when my current therapist is on holiday). I have always been one to over-analyse but I guess this trauma has cemented those particular neural pathways!! I went onto our Health24 forum in SA - Professor Simpson (a psychiatrist) came back with this.

EXPERT'S REPLY

Subject:

Posted by: Cybershrink | 12/9/2010

Hi D,

Maybe he was legally advised as to what he should or should not deny, but it really doesn't sound as though any professional ethical intelligence was applied to your complaint at any stage. Anyone who thinks that "communicating" physical feelings would be problematic but that expressing emotional or flirtatious feelings would not, was or is ethically illiterate.

Sadly, your problems so clearly illustrate just why it was all wrong, and why such conduct is not allowed professionally. And it was wholly HIS responsibility and job to recognize all this very early on, and to avoid any problems arising from it, and indeed to use its earliest elements to your benefit therapeutically. That was the expertise he claimed to have and was expected to have - it was not your job to deal with that or recognize it, however intuitive you are ( and I'm sure you're formidably intuitive).

From what I have heard about the story, your intuitions seem to have been proved accurate. Whether or not any of his feelings were sincere or insincere or exploitative, or any complex mix of those, is beside the point. Flirtation is always a mixture of emotional and physical emotions and interests - if he denies that there was any physical component to his feelings, intentions or actions, is totally self-serving and rather cynical.

OF course it would suit him to deny it, especially when being judged by other professionals not qualified to truly understand that the boundary violations and offenses were gross, and not mitigated by such a denial. I don't know why some people seem entranced by the issue of whether the e-mails were sexually explicit - they were entirely as wrong and unethical whether or not their content was sexually explicit. Anyone who misunderstands that doesn't understand the ethical issues involved.

SASOP is a largely self-serving organization run by a really small number of shrinks in a self-perpetuating clique, and most other shrinks are too busy in practice to want to get involved in organizational politics. They as a structure have NO basis for claiming any expertise in ethical matters and no organizational ability to examine and pronounce on such issues.

There is no relevant difference here between boundary violations and boundary blurring.

Intelligence has absolutely nothing to do with it. I have known many senior academics (especially in SA where such appointments are usually made on Political and political grounds, unrelated to genuine intellectual and academic abilities ) who are of dismal intelligence. But even intelligent people do stupid things when they allow their hormones and other anatomical priorities to rule.

I don't know who Dr X is, but can't think of anyone who I would consider of indisputable "superior intelligence" in this local community. Some senior shrinks are brilliant at self-promotion, at developing pseudo-research ( whatever is fundable, usually by drug companies, who often do most of the actual work involved so as to make sure the results match their needs ), and at discouraging genuinely intelligent and able juniors who could soon outshine them, preferring toadies and ego-massagers.

We have no good evidence that he ever had particularly impressive "judgement" ; and in a situation where he wanted to flirt and had many reasons to expect to be able to get away with it, he probably didn't get round to applying whatever judgement he might have. Its a bit like the old theological debates about how many angels could fit on the head of a pin.

And overlooking the prime issue of exploitation to debate specific sexual content, is like debating - not whether eating people is wrong, but whether or not it is permissable to use condiments.

Again, what I find despicable is this sense of blaming the victim, and pretending that ANY of what he did was somehow for your benefit. It is precisely this issue of KNOWING your points of vulnerability and cynically using them for his own purposes, that is entirely sleazy.

I continue to be concerned at "what this did to you" - and disappointed that those who pretended to be Wise Men when pronouncing on the matter, don't seem to have taken this into account. The mere fact that someone like you, with so many better things to do and enjoy in life, has been left still brooding, worrying, and feeling at fault, proves why such behaviour as his is reprehensible. By handling him so gently, they may have prevented him from fully understanding or making the necessary changes.

Just to clarify, the steps I took were to apply for a peer review hearing through SASOP who suspended him and sent him back for his own depth therapy (but impliedly asked me for my assurances that I not take the matter further). I could have taken it further (to the HPCSA who would have had the final say as regards his licence) but decided not to as I "think" we are all human. I don't know whether SASOP acted in good faith? I don't know what to think?

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Chisholm,

What is it that you're asking us?

It seems to me that the quoted reply you received further supported your view of the matter {and ours}: that it was entirely inappropriate for your therapist to behave this way.

So, the only question remaining is, what do you need?

There's no way to know whether any group of other people acted in good faith, were idiots, or just generally couldn't find their own hind ends ... The only question is, would it make things better for you or not. And where to go from here.

Where do you need to go?

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