Zacho56 Posted September 9, 2008 Report Share Posted September 9, 2008 Hello there my fellow people.I am here to tell you a story about how I feel, what has happened. And what I should do. As I was growing up, I had a father that commited suicide at the age of 9, not only suicide, but abusive discipline such as belts sticks, etc.. I loved my father, I was very close to him. That took a toll on me. At that time I lived in N.S I currently live in NL. When we moved here, I started having a lot of problems at home. At the age of 13, I started to show signs of depression and rebellion. I hated myself, I constanly was attempting suicide. I didn't want to live. Me and my mother had a lot of problems. I was placed on anti-depressants. A few months later I stopped taking them. At the age of 15 I started getting violent and getting the police called on me. I would lose my mind and I would black out. A year after that at the age of 16, I was placed on a small dose of seroquel, and gradually increased to 700mg. Last year on my birthday, I was incarcerated in a mental hospital for a nice while. During that time, my mother stuck through with me through everything. I had never felt happier with my mother and how supportive she was. She was my guardian angel through everything. Upon release, I slowly adjusted to the free life. I couldnt and still can't keep a steady job. My girlfriend of 2 years abandoned me a while back and that took a huge toll onto my life, I loved her with everything, and she destroyed us. A few weeks ago, something happened to my mother. She went from this loving and caring mother...To my worst enemy. She is constantly threatning to throw me out, Using profanity such as "Fuck off" over simple things. She has become something that I don't even know. She has taken away my car provledges for literally no reason. She never, ever uses the car, and I mean never. She always goes in a different car. She is always yelling, cussing, and I feel like I am not even worthy to be on this earth. My mother is determined to force me to quit in life. She is absolutley hellbent on destorying my social life, as she knows that my transportation is a vital part in my life. She knows that, but she does not care. A while back I was hospitalized because of severe self mutilation to my leg, hitting many veins and bleeding profusley. After that ,I became an alcoholic, drinking every single night to escape my fears and hatred toward life. Now I seriously feel that I will end up doing something to myself. I am so sick of my mothers s*** and all of the stress she puts on me. I want to live a happy life, I want to be loved, I want to feel like im worth anything. But my mother is destroying my will to life. Is is so wrong for me to be happy? If there is a god, why havn't you done anything for me? What is the answer to all of this? I don't want to leave home, I want to live here until at least I grow up. Im only 17, not 30. Please, someone, please, help me.Thank you. Zach Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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