Helpful link for guys like us

[a_mess]

http://www.cosmopolitan.co.uk/chatroom/topic/69089?startnum=1

Hi, how is everyone doing? I think I'm finally starting to feel like I'm not completely useless to women anymore. This link has really got me thinkin. Now I'm not the same size as the guy askin the question. I am average with a severe case of SPS, and i wish it would just go away. All of these women posting these responses are complete strangers and don't know who this guy is at all. My point is they have no reason to lie what so ever. I found the link a little while ago cause I'm sitting here all alone on Labor Day weekend while everybody is out havin fun cause I'm so damn insecure and scared to death that I'm gonna get ridiculed by another woman for something I can't change. Anyway if you read through some of the responses, I think they will be of some help. Especially when the ladies start attacking a comment made by a guy. I think the one thing that bothers us most is when we are told that we shouldn't worry so much cause women have things about themselves they don't like or think are inadequate too. I agree with that but there concerns are all visual. Mine/our concern is not visual it's functional. That is the difference. None of a womans concerns are goin to lessin the pleasure of sex cause havin small boobs doesn't affect the pleasure of intercourse. For all the ladies reading this, that is the reason we have a VERY difficult time believing that we really are just fine for you. I would really like some of the ladies reading this to chime in with a comment or two if you could please. I think the rest of us would like to hear from you to. Sure us guys can try to help each other with this problem of ours, but in the end its positive comments from woman that help the most. Most of us on here have been abused and ridiculed beyond comprehension by women since we were young so we are all convinced that we can't pleasure a woman at all. So ya, anything positive helps us with our confidence level. Thanks in advance. And guys read the thread in that link...it should help

[IrmaJean]

Pleasure has its own personal meaning to each individual. I have had a sexual functional problem for nearly a decade now. I have nerve damage and am unable to achieve orgasm. I no longer am even able to experience any of the positive sensations that would lead to this occurring. I have found it healing to talk openly about this here. I am still able to enjoy intimacy with my husband. The pleasure for me is in the physical, emotional and spiritual connection and closeness that we share. There was also a time when I did fear that my "inadequacies" as a woman would lessen the pleasure/excitement of intimacy for my husband. These were very painful feelings. I understand that your concerns are different.

As a woman, I would never consider judging a man's body in this way. This is a piece of a person's puzzle and would be valued as such. So not in judging, but rather in knowing. When you know someone completely, you recognize every part of them. All of us are different and I think this is a beautiful thing.

A man who was caring, gentle and respectful would be wonderful to be with, in my opinion. A woman who ridicules and intentionally says hurtful things does not value you as a person. You deserve to be valued and appreciated for who you are, a _mess.

[a_mess]

Thank you IJ, you are a very sweet and caring woman and I greatly appreciate the things you say. In the past 8 years only 1 out of the 4 women I have had sex with since my daughters mother, who by the way is one of the main ones that has stripped me of my confidence and self-esteem, has ridiculed me in any way. Since my daughters mother it's been quite the opposite. I just can't believe anything they say cause I can tell it isn't doing much for them during penetration. I can tell by the sounds they make or don't make at certain times. And especially the look in there eyes. I understand the importance of eye contact especially in those moments, but when I look into eyes of whoever I'm with I see no pleasure in their eyes at all. That hurts me a lot. I've even had a woman break out into tears a few mins after sex when I made prolonged eye contact with her and could tell she wasn't gettin any pleasure out of it and she knew i could tell. So I said whats wrong babe? That just made her cry harder. Right then and there I knew what it was. She was completely in love with me but she couldn't feel me. How do I know you say, cause she was gone a week later. Does anyone know how that makes a guy feel? I'll tell ya, it made me question why in the hell I was even born and to seriously consider suicide. I mean I just had a woman cry after sex. I don't think there is anything else in the world besides being publicly humiliated about it, that could make someone feel as utterly worthless as I did and still do to a point. Not a day goes by where at some point I feel useless to women. I just can't forget about all those women in the past who actually opened there mouth about it. Now what I wanna know is since I'm average 5 and a half to a rock solid 6 inches long on a good day and 6 inches in girth, why in the F#$& have I been treated so badly and all but 1 can barely feel me? Being treated like that and feeling like this can make a guy lose his mind. I'm in one of my depressed phases again over this. It started about 5 weeks ago and it has just gotten worse and worse instead of better. I have an appointment with my shrink on tues to get back on some kind of meds to help me feel happy again. I hope they work cause I'm so sick of wakin up in the morning and feeling so down I don't want to even face the day at all. I just want to go back to sleep and just sleep my life away cause without a woman who can honestly love me and stay with me, life pretty much f#$#$G SUCKS. There has to be some kind of med out there that can help me relax enough to make a move on these beautiful women who approach me. It makes me just want to crawl under a rock and die when I automatically avoid there advances when in reality I want them in the worst way but can't act on it. That is what sinks me into a overwhelming depression. I don't believe for one friggin second that I'm of average size. If I was then I wouldn't have had to deal with so much of this shit. Those numbers are just thrown out there to make us small guy feel better just like all women say we are fine to make us feel better. Are any of them still with me? NO. After I shower them with kindness. Thoughtful gifts and flowers to show that I am thinking about them. Back rubs, foot rubs, random soft kisses from out of nowhere. Its not enough and it never will be cause in the long run having a big dick is the only thing that matters. Sorry but until a woman sits me down and genuinely explains in a believable way that I have enough for her and that my supposed average size is plenty for her, I don't believe any of it. No more flowers and gettin any things for them that they mentioned they liked the other day. I do all the things that is said you want in a guy. Except it seems for one thing. And that I can't give any of you cause I just don't have it. Not anymore, I'm so sick of wasting my time and hard earned money on women it's disgusting. I've even mastered goin down on all of you women. To the point of each and every one of you sayin "oh my god, where did you learn how to do that". but that isn't enough. All of you need to have that full feeling I've come to understand. So forget all of you and go find your big dicks. I wish you all luck cause that's exactly what you're gonna find. 99% of them don't give a shit about you but your so in love with him...no wait not him..his dick. Wow I'm sorry if I offended any of the good women reading this. I know you're out there but I have yet to met any of you in 34 years. Ok I gotta sign outta here and go back to fine tuning my overclocked processor and find a book to read while it's stress testing. Anything to get my mind off this

[Sweetsara]

I've even had a woman break out into tears a few mins after sex when I made prolonged eye contact with her and could tell she wasn't gettin any pleasure out of it and she knew i could tell. So I said whats wrong babe? That just made her cry harder. Right then and there I knew what it was. She was completely in love with me but she couldn't feel me. How do I know you say, cause she was gone a week later.

Sorry don't know how to properly quote. I can't stand eye contact during sex it freaks me out. If a guy did that to me I would have probably started crying during sex. It makes me feel 2 vulnerable and exposed + all I can think is y is he staring like that is he having no fun is he hoping this will be over soon. So r u sure she wasn't upset bcuz she thought u didn't enjoy her?

For what it's worth most of my female friends that I have had didn't give a crap about a guy's size bcuz only 1 of my friends could get off through vaginal intercourse the rest it was all about clitoral stimulation so size may not be as important as u think. My soon to be ex is pretty small he's about 5 1/4" length and almost but not quite 4" in girth but he has great technique and we have never had any problems. He has told me b4 that when he was younger he dated a chick and he always had 2 wear some type of rubber ring with nubs on it around his penis bcuz she always said he wasn't wide enough and that made it better later she left and cited his size as the reason. He always figured if his penis wasn't big enough for a person he was with that was their prob not his and that's y there r sex toys. I agree. His size has nothing to do with us breaking up in fact the only good part of our relationship is the sex. So for what it's worth another POV from a chick.

[flander]

Or you could find some hobbies and spend your time working on those. That's basically what I'm doing. Every time I decided to "get out there" and try to meet someone, I would end up feeling worse when each attempt crashed and burned. It's been almost 10 years since I've had sex and I doubt I'll ever do it again. I wasn't any good at it then and I'm sure I haven't improved any in the last decade. Actually, it's difficult for me to remember what it's like with a woman, so I'm sure I'd be clueless on the remote chance that I happened to stumble into a relationship.

Long weekends go by pretty fast if you spend most of it asleep. I slept nearly all of Saturday, most of Sunday, and when I wasn't sleeping, I cracked open a can of chili and watched TV.

[IrmaJean]

Hello again, a_mess. I think that maybe you're making assumptions about the woman you were with without really knowing what was going on in her mind. Maybe there was an emotion in her that had to do with her... and not you... which caused her to cry. Maybe she was afraid of commitment and that was why she wept and then disappeared. I'm totally speculating with that idea, but no more than you did with your assumptions...Only she knows why she acted as she did...the reasons may have everything to do with her.

Also, it takes a while to grow to understand one another during intimate relations. As I recall, my first several times with H were pretty awkward. That didn't mean either one of us were doing anything wrong...we just needed more experience with one another.

Some women may also be shy and quiet. This doesn't necessarily mean they aren't enjoying the experience. Everyone is different. For an introvert such as myself, emotional energy comes from within. Being quiet may actually mean absorbing the shared closeness and pleasure.

Try not to give so much power to the voices of those who have treated you cruelly. A deep, shared intimate relationship means loving someone for who they are, in my opinion. The kind, caring woman you have been seeking who appreciates you as you are may be out there looking for someone just like you too. I hope that you can give yourself the chance to find her.

I hope your are feeling better soon.

[flander]

6" is pretty big around (almost the size of the top of soda can), so next time you may want to let her be on top at first. That way she can get used to it and show you what she likes.

[a_mess]

I think it's my depression caused from anxiety, that is effecting my point of view right now. It's got nothing but worse all weekend. Hopefully I can get prescribed something to help me with my constant negative thinking at my doc appt tomorrow. All I did was sleep all weekend.

[Guest ASchwartz]

How about psychotherapy for youself in addition to medication?

Allan

[IrmaJean]

How did your appointment go?

[Fedup]

Oh Man reading your first post made me want to give up forever. I keep having mood swings differing from retreating to my shell forever or being brave enough to face my fear. That's if I can find a girl in the first place.

If you go to www.doubleyourdating.com and subscribe to his free advice you will get a whole bunch of emails and they make very interesting reading. I think he is right on the money and the niceness you were displaying was actually part of your downfall. It sucks it goes against logic but I actually think it's true. We give away our power to women too easily because we're so insecure about our penis. It's a huge turn off for women. Women can't control who they feel attraction for. This is why you see thousands of women repeatedly going back to the abusive boyfriend and nice guys like us are left kicking out feet. It sucks for me as it means I need to change my whole way of thinking. I especially need to stop caring so much about what other people think of me. In and out of the bedroom. I just feel very frustrated because it's very hard to change patterns of thinking and behaviour. I need help but I can't afford it.

[Fedup]

On the subject of power. I was browsing through the internet sex site and seen a fat woman sprawled across her bed in a bikini and just generally looking a mess. I've nothing against fat people hell I was obese myself only a couple of years ago and struggle with my own weight at times. It made my blood boil when I looked and she said yes size is definitely important. Our society is so messed up that not only do girls like this get laid on a regular basis, they also get to choose who they went to lay despite their many imperfections. Now I have a decent body at the moment and everyone around me in real life says I am not a bad looking lad without me even pre empting them.

All this doesn't matter though because as long as I suffer from shyness and SPS I may as well be dead to women. I don't even know who I am angry at. It's either myself or society. I keep having moods swings and you can probably tell by my posts on here. Some days I want to fight it and be strong and others I just think it'd be easier if I died. Life sometimes feels not worth living with all these mixed emotions of frustration, anger, self hate, self pity. Other days pretending to yourself that you can beat this and then realising you can't.

[a_mess]

@ ASchwartz, I do go and talk to someone on a regular basic. He is also a couples counselor and swears up and down that penis size has never been an issue in his uncountable sessions. Especially when the woman is being spoken to alone. He says its always how he makes her feel and other emotional things. I wish I could believe that 100% but my experiences tell me different. Thank you for the suggestion.

@ IJ, My appointment went very well thank you. My therapist has been referring me to this place for a long time now, and I finally went. They did an in depth evaluation and came to the conclusion that prozac and zanax xr were a good starting point. With a gradual increase in prozac until my next appointment in 3 weeks. I plan on stickin with this for as long as it takes. A lot of shitty women have gave me this mind set and I plan on changing it for the better cause I need to find a good one. The zanax xr is doin a good job at keepin me calm enough to think clearly so far. But I know I have a while to go till I can have a functioning relationship without constantly thinkin if I'm good enough for her.

[flander]

If you go to www.doubleyourdating.com and subscribe to his free advice you will get a whole bunch of emails and they make very interesting reading.

that guy seems to be offering advice that sounds similar to what is in the R Don Steele videos on youtube

[Fedup]

that guy seems to be offering advice that sounds similar to what is in the R Don Steele videos on youtube

Not seen those videos may have a look. I'm totally convinced it works though. I am neither cocky or funny. Well I can have my funny moments but can rarely come out with a constant stream of funny. They claim it can be learnt with practice, I don't think I could start to learn unless someone actually put me under huge pressure or forced me to do it.

[Fedup]

A mess I would love to have a penis your size. I know that doesn't count for much. I am sure there are people on here who would love to have a penis my size and I am still here whining like a baby. I'm totally flabbergasted that not only have you not been praised for your girth but actually been insulted over it. That makes me feel real bad. Another thing that worries me is that when I say to people I'm average how can you know what that other persons perception of average is?

I meant reading your 3rd post made me feel bad not the 1st one. I was a bit tired when writing that last night.

[Fedup]

I've read the link now thx. Yeah it does make me feel better I've got to say. Did you notice how the word confidence kept propping up? This is what women love more than anything else. We hold ourselves back. I am feeling a lot better and have no excuses to not be confident.

[a_mess]

@Fedup, I'm flabbergasted myself as of late, especially now that I'm feeling a little better and reading all these anonymous posts by women that don't have any reason to lie. I'm glad you read it. I think the word average could also mean what we have is what the average woman is going to be happy with. Thinkin about all the past women that have ridiculed me one obvious thing comes up in my mind over and over again. They all have a serious problem with men in one way or another. All the ones that haven't ridiculed me have not had a problem with men. Think about it for a min, let me know if you see the same pattern as i do. There has to be one woman that hasn't messed with you at all about it.

[Fedup]

I've never been ridiculed in the bedroom for my penis size but the sample size is only 2. My insecurity just comes from general humour. Most of that was from my school days though. As I have said before people probably matured since then but my frame of mind hasn't changed. I think I did get ridiculed once but I was a bit drunk so it's a bit hazy. I think I accidentally left the zip of my pants open and she waved her little finger at me to insult me. It was on flop anyway and my penis does tend to expand to double it's size both in length and girth. Maybe I shouldn't worry about that too much. I am afraid of urinating next to other men though and probably always will be.

There will be women who will ridicule you of that I am certain but I am sure I could sense them a mile off. I'm quite a good judge of character.

[flander]

I remembered this the other day and I suppose it might help someone.

Breast feeding advocates often give the example that the suckling action of the infant helps get a woman's uterus and vagina 'back into shape' sooner compared to women who don't breast feed. My ex has said at one time that whenever I sucked on one of her tits, she could feel it in her vagina. She could press her breasts together and get her nipples to touch and one time we tried to see if I could suck on both at the same time. If I did it hard enough, she said she could feel her vagina contracting enough to actually feel my penis inside of it. It took 7 years to stumble upon that. She ended up leaving within a year anyway as that still wasn't good enough.

[Fedup]

Aye I agree now I calmed down. It's my own issue causing the angry feelings rather than them doing anything wrong.

[Fedup]

It's quite frustrating having to play the penis roulette though. Wondering if you'll be big enough or not.