Unhappy Newlywed

[unhappy newlywed]

I have only been married about five weeks. I have been out of a job for about eight weeks. I have been trying to find a job, my husband is being supportive but he is also getting tired of hearing me talk about the lack of jobs. He told me I need to help in my depression. He also said in an underlying message that he is tired of hearing abut me all the time.

Last evening he was watching college football, I am not a fan. We watch the Broncos together and have a great time. I started talking to him and he did not respond, so I said you didn't hear a word I said, and he did indeed hear me and repeated back what I had just said. The he told me he was watching this game and how would I like it if he talked when I was watching something. We watch football all the time together and talk and have fun. Then he said it isn't always about you. So, I stayed out of his space and the game went on and then into overtime. I went to him and said, I am tired and I was going to bed and gave him a small peck and went to bed. He can in after the game and rolled around and turned on the light. When I asked him if he needed something he said he needed a hug and a kiss. So I kissed him sweetly and said good night. He continued to shuffle around and then he left the room saying he could not fall asleep. This morning when he left for work he came in and kissed me briefly and patted my shoulder and said see ya later.( he usually jumps back in bed with me for a few minutes and snuggles and tells me to have a good day) not today. Then he took out the trash on his way out the door and threw a new trash bag on the floor. Not like him. SO I do believe his mad at me.

Therein lies me question, do I take on his anger and apologize to him. ( I don't feel I did anything wrong ) He gets this way if I am not loving enough to him, I know we will have a fight this evening and I really do not want to.

Any ideas? Thanks

[romeropaul]

Hi,

I just got done reading the book 'artificial happiness' so I consider myself an expert in depression I think your going through a 'transition' from single to married life, and it is tempting to find something anything to grab onto to make you feel better. This is human instinct. The quicker easier stuff usually comes in a pill, rolled paper, or bottle. The longer term solution comes as an answer to 'what do you want to do with your life'? I hate to admit it, but Im 44 and just now figuring this out. Hopefully you'll do it by 25.

good luck,

Paul

[Ronny]

Its also quite early in your marriage, i belive you worry to much to early. My tip, dont think so much. Thinking can make people go crazy. Best to think as little as possible.

[romeropaul]

Hi,

Actually, the books says the main question is 'how should I live my life?'

cya,

Paul

Hi,

I just got done reading the book 'artificial happiness' so I consider myself an expert in depression I think your going through a 'transition' from single to married life, and it is tempting to find something anything to grab onto to make you feel better. This is human instinct. The quicker easier stuff usually comes in a pill, rolled paper, or bottle. The longer term solution comes as an answer to 'what do you want to do with your life'? I hate to admit it, but Im 44 and just now figuring this out. Hopefully you'll do it by 25.

good luck,

Paul

[Natalie]

Hi Unhappy Newlywed-

I think these sorts of transitions are totally normal. There is a HUGE shift from dating someone, to living with them. There is even a large transition from living with someone to being married to them, in my opinion.

One of the things that has to occur in a marriage is negotiation (perhaps you need to find something else to do when he watches a game you are not interested in) and acceptance (there will be things that you do together as well as apart).

Can you talk to him about the situation now that a bit of time has passed? You may also need to respect the idea that perhaps he wasn't mad, and that sometimes behavior happens for reasons other than what we assume... we are not very good mind readers.

[mrsdz]

Hello, Unhappy Newlywed

Even though you are married united as one, you are two seperate people. It is not always easy, and neither one of you will always get your own way. It will take sometime to figure out each others niches. Every marriage is different. I would suggest finding a time convenient for the both of you to let him know your feelings on this and let him express his feelings. As far as apologizing to him, you should do what is in your heart.

[John Rutledge]

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Edited October 28, 2009 by John Rutledge

[unhappy newlywed]

We are still working at it, and will be for the rest of our lives. Thank you for your twenty-two years of advice.

[unhappy newlywed]

Thank you for your encouragement.