Quest for my normal

[Lindamomof7]

Hey Shannon I hope you feel better. Like Luna said I think it is the swinging moods that you are struggling with.

Well ok your not eating? Well I have had my bumpy mood swings over the last 4 days and I am EATING everything!!! But there were times I didnt eat for a month!!!! Of course I ended up in the hospital but I just think it shows how our body reacts.

I think as you continue to understand what happened to you, you will be able to eat something small. Think of it is a mental health diet??

I hope all who helped this thread out will continue to help this thread continue on a daily basis representing the good, bad, ugly for all of us. The daily posting and accountability is a therapeutic coping skill that I think all can benefit from. So lets keep this going!!!!!!

Ok so here I start:

I am sinking pretty low pretty fast, dont want to hear my test results good or bad, and I just feel like giving up and I already told them, no more tests.....

My depression/suicidal ideations are stronger then I have been trying to admit. We all have them, we just keep plugging along but when I start feeling like not wanting to know any medical stuff that is going on I know for me that means as I did when they told me I shouldn't be alive because my lung clots were so severe, I was so ok with that and if they killed me, I was ok to die, I was ready, it was time.

I think I have struggled with that underlying feeling all my life and it makes it so hard to try and start a new life, want for change, attempt to do new things.

Well if this is time, then I would love to jump ship now rather then deal with all of this for the rest of my life and know this will all mentally and physically, get worse...... So yes, I QUIT!!!!

[brodman]

......................

[malign]

Both of you, please. I start to feel like a kindergarten cop, sometimes.

If someone has hurt you, that can be addressed by talking to them. Try sentences with "I" in them, instead of "you".

Alternatively, we have a moderator staff precisely to prevent "abuse" on this board, either public or private. If anyone receives a message that they consider abusive, it should be reported. That, rather than veiled insults to the person sending the message, is the preferred method of keeping us all safe (as safe as possible?) on here.

Open insults in return, of course, are not helpful, either.

If this can't return to a civilized discussion, the next step would be to start handing out timeouts. Yes, just like kindergarten. Please don't make me do that.

[randomperson]

Boo I thought everyone was past this. I hate seeing so many people upset.

Things have kinda snow balled..

most fights (for me) neither side is right or wrong.. in fact a little wrong on both sides. To get over it both sides have to give a little.. to forgive a little.

Honestly I don't see why everyone can't patch things.. nothing super super bad has been said by anyone.. yet. Might take time to mend friendships.. but you know how many times I got in fights with my friends. Lots lol. It does work out though if both sides are willing to try.

I like everyone here and hate to see people hurting.

[Guest SomethingOrOther]

I have a bad habit of entering any conflict there is. Why? Because I can.

I was going to post something that I realised would just upset me, so instead I'm going to say that I see that Lindas intention was to empower somebody and I want that written down here. I'm also going to write "significant difference". That's all.

[shanrucas]

I want all this to stop. I had only concerns that no one wanted to post here anymore because..no one was. That just made me sad, of course I would like to talk with people here.

Brodman, your private messages to me were supportive I had never said they were'nt. I was hurt by Hotspot mentioning that he didn't think we were the frends he thought we were. I admit I reacted to that.

Yes I was triggered by the arguing, and I know that is my issue and no one elses, I am doing my best to work through that. If I didn't have victim issues I would n't be here now would I. I mostly think of myself as a survivor, but that injured person still lies underneath. I am trying to face things head on so that I can move on. I said it before, I take ownership in my reaction to it all in the beginning.

I for one welcome feedback as long as it isn't done out of anger, mind you I think its fine to express and discuss anger as it is an honest emotion. but I don't think it should be directed at another member, especially on public postings.

Just my opinion, I think it maybe time for me to take a big long break if this continues.

I too like others just have to much stress other than whats been going on here.

[IrmaJean]

One of the things I've always loved about this site is the great diversity and shared humanity of its members. We have members from all around the world who courageously share a little of their lives and struggles here on the forum. When a large group of people are interacting, there are bound to be disagreements and even misunderstandings from time to time. This is part of being human and something that all of us share in...our humanity. When the core of caring is strong, caring doesn't have to stop with an argument. It happens. We listen. We learn from it...and then we move on. Let's keep the supportive spirit of the site in place. Let's heal together. (Sharucas) (Hotspot) (Linda) (Brodman) (Elijah) (randomperson) (58corvette) Hopefully I didn't forget anyone...

How is everyone feeling today?

[randomperson]

I'm semi ok. Still wishing I had more answers than questions in life but what is new lol.

Wishing everyone well!

[Lindamomof7]

Like you said Irmajean, this is a diverse community and respect and acceptance is essential in the healthiness of this forum.

So Irma jean, you asked how we are doing? I have been struuggling because this month seems to be anniversaries of loved ones deaths.

And has anyone heard of the study that was done stating that this past week was suppose to be the most depressed time of the year ? I will have to see where I saw that study and then post a link.

I suppose it could be because all the credit card bills are due from the holiday season, all the hype of "family" has worn off and reality of relationships are more evident and also maybe even the reality that we must find a new path in life from all of the New Years resolutions.

Can anyone come up with anything else?

And we just got 16 inces of snow dumped on us. Anyone else digging out?

Hey Shannon hang in there, ALL OF US ARE SURVIVORS!!!!

[randomperson]

It can be so tough remembering those who have passed.

Especially when you are hurt and want so badly just to ask for their advice or hear their comforting words again. That is something most of us can share with you in some way or another. So many people that meant something in my life have left in one way or another.. it is tough. It does make me reflect on the people that are still in my life. It helps me to love those relationships and cherish anytime I can make a new one. Friends that stick around are rare treasures and true blessings. I think we all long to be accepted and to find a family of our own.

[shanrucas]

I'm sorry you are struggling Linda, Im there for you, you know that. I think you are right on about the time of year being difficult, I am really beginning to miss my grandmother, the hardest thing is that my mother has been asking about her,,in some very strange times she says she is here..thats been going on for a couple of days, I don't know maybe she does see here.

Thinking of you ((hugs))

[IrmaJean]

I was hoping that a call for unity and togetherness would open the door to letting this go, but unfortunately it seems this hasn't been the case. All posters must post respectfully and follow board rules. Inflammatory or "baiting" remarks won't be allowed. Linda, I would ask that you not make further comments such as those in your previous posts. This is not acceptable. Please everyone, let's respect the community and one another. Let's support each other.

[Lindamomof7]

And as usual as to the rules here on the forum, someone can call me/us liars but I cant say that I will not comment on a negative, inflammatory, negative post? Are you kidding?

We wanted this to just subside but it is not our/my problem that some people cant accept that this situation was misunderstood and we needed to move and we eagerly asked that they keep an open mind, no hard feelings toward ANYONE and keep the thread going. I have no problems with anyone!!!!

I was truely hoping the posting would continue as it had but clearly it hasnt.

but yet you let others make comments about Jim? And now I can't say that i was not going to continue the negative communication and lower myself to someones post that clearly is not looking to move on but the only intentions are clear as to just keep creating conflict? So thats ok???

So then who is supporting Shannon, Jim and me when someone accuses us of talking about the situation in a negative inflammatory way?

[IrmaJean]

Linda, I'm very glad to see you posting again. I hear that you're frustrated and angry. I hope that it was helpful for you to express your feelings here. We are here to support all members of the community. This community is just that...a community. Let's keep talking and supporting one another. I know that you were going through a tough time recently with your health. I hope that you are feeling better soon. Take care today.

[Lindamomof7]

Thank You Irma Jean yes I went into a bad cycle again. Nothing having to do with the forum or the stupid conflict here on the thread, just my health problems and some very significant triggers.

And thank you for recognizing that we are all a community going through our own personal issues and it sure doesnt help when we visit the forum for another ear to listen and to also support others and things get so out of hand from a misunderstanding comment.

I guess that is part of my black and white thinking as we have discussed in the past on a different thread? I guess I just cant believe how something was so blown out of proportion that it made others not want to post again.

People were hurt by others not accepting that a mistake was made and can't accept the apology and move on. I guess it is the obvious conflict that some thrive on, I dont know but I do know we are adults and should act like it and not be called a liar.

I don't have anything bad to say about anyone but I think it is also important to recognize that someone like me will also not allow someone else to minimize or invalidate what is going on in a thread especially when it concerns feelings or possible triggers of myself or others.

So I hope everyone is well and making it through each day with all of the snow out there and most of all I hope everyone including myself stays safe....

[Hotspot]

Linda,

You are the one that is thriving on dragging something out that pretty much died weeks ago. You are the one that because myself and another did not choose to think your way decided to make further unwarranted comments and attacks. You are not the only one here and you do not control anyone or how they should or shouldn't feel about something. Continuing to make these posts of yours is ridiculous. No one involved has said anything to you or Corvette in weeks and I don't have to. My choosing to continue to post in a thread or not is MY choice not yours. And who are you to tell me what apologies I should or shouldn't accept? Stop trying to cause further drama and move on already. And you were called a liar because you were in fact lying when you previously wrote that those involved in the original disagreement had been privately trying to sway yourself and Shannon which were lies. That post of yours was also made after no one had been posting anything about the issue, talk about thriving on conflict.

Support and respect here is for everyone not only you Linda. You continually post regarding this matter as if only your thoughts are just. Only things you say should be allowed. Only you should be supported or have the ability to be triggered.

Why not take your own advice and be an adult and move on and stop digging something up from weeks past. You could have easily returned to the site and posted about anything but chose to rehash the past. I don't have to take your crap and I won't.

[malign]

I am leaving this topic of conversation open, with substantial misgivings, on the premise that this site is a place to learn, and that conflict resolution is one of the things that's on our curriculum.

Conflicts do not resolve if the two sides continue to talk about all the harm that's been done to them. Even if this was a situation in which you were arguing in front of a judge, and the judge would eventually decide which side was "right", the conflict wouldn't really be resolved, would it? It would just immortalize which person had which reasons to feel bad.

Could we do this a different way, most especially because I'm not the least interested in being a judge? Conflict has a chance of resolving, if and only if the two people are willing to respect that there might be another side. You might continue to believe that the other person has made a mistake, in this instance, but you have to grant them the humanity that makes that mistake possible. You have to grant that they're not trying to be unpleasant. It is quite unlikely that either person is just completely irrational and has decided to believe what they believe out of sheer spite. {Yes, even here, that is unlikely.}

What would usually be done would be to start out, not by accusing people, directly or indirectly, but by saying how you each felt, in the situation. It helps to think of it as using "I" sentences, rather than "you" sentences. I know, it's a cliché, sue me. But it's a lot easier for the other person to hear "I was hurt by what I perceived you were saying in that message" than "You wrote the nastiest message I've ever received", for instance.

My future ex-wife and I used to have this exact problem when we fought. I would always ask her, "But can't you see how what you just did is wrong?" And somehow, she never could. ;-) People rarely do, so pointing it out to them does nothing except inflame the emotions even further. Not saying anything doesn't mean the other person was right; it means that you've decided that you have better things to do than fight about it.

I question my own sanity in leaving this open ... but if I don't trust you guys to try, I have little to fall back on except closing threads and short-term bans, and I don't see how anyone feels safer in that atmosphere. I will not be drawn into deciding which person did what, or whether it was right for this or that to happen.

All I'm hoping for is that the situation can be discussed with maturity.

[shanrucas]

Malign, I think I understand what it is your are saying, and your choice to leave this discussion open.

I know I can only speak for myself and always try to do that. I realize that I have issues with conflict no matter what it is about or even who it involves, I tend to want to runaway and hide from it and then when I feel cornered into facing it I react rather than try logically think about it, I think I have been doing this here. I find that when I am surrounded by conflict, hurt feelings, anger, frustration, all which are normal emotions , I get down right scared. I don't know why other than that I just don't want to deal with it because by doing so I must look at my own life and realize that I must resolve many conflicts that haunt me to this day.

I don't know if I articulated what it is that Im trying to say very well. But I will try to work on my issues regarding conflict, at least I will try, can't promise I won't try and runaway and hide. But will try.

Shannon

[malign]

Thank you, Shannon.

The lessons to be learned about conflict are not confined to those at the center of it. Otherwise, I might try to address it with them in private.

I hope we all find something new, as a result of this discussion.

For myself, I have had a tendency to be a placater, in life, from stuff I learned as a kid. Didn't work for me with the future ex; it probably dug me in deeper. I can't afford it, here, even if I could satisfy all sides to every dispute. So, here's to something new. :-)

[brodman]

Im replying about what happened in this actual thread because this is what todays posts are about.

this is all like some damn merry go round I didnt post anything more about it because it was pointless and finished or so I thought. I even had removed my earlier response to let things be. There was another thread created for the sole purpose of more soap boxin and to talk about myself and hotpsot and neither of us ever replied in it leaving it alone for everyone to talk about us and the issue that didnt even involve all the sudden wanna responders

People already put their points of view in this thread and ya know something not everyone agrees noone has to I kind of feel like youare sayin malign if we go around and around with it everything will resolve its already been resolved we dont all agree about what happened and instead of leaving it alone it gets dredged up again with negative innuendos and surprise someone responded to it whats dead should be left dead If this was another thread about conflict resolution for real discussion than I would agree with your stance here Malign but leaving this one to be drawn up and out again I think will only create more problems than resolve anything The supposed misunderstanding happened last month for christs sake no other replies have been about it for weeks until todays ya know what though I am more than capable of rehashing too and I might not be all wordy and have or need tons of pats on the back but I don't have to be expected to be treated and talked about like garbage and I can give it back as well as take it