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mom of 17yr old


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there is considerable lack of support i have found, my daughter was diagnosed at 13 yrs, i have a long string of support agencies who have failed to help,she has been kicked out of two schools who work with children with behaviour difficulties. i chose against medication i thought the intervention would help, 5 yrs later and my daughter is in dire difficulties. the doctor has told me she has to want help, she wont go to the doctors, the doctor wont come out to her, i have asked for a reassessment, i am not getting very far. it has been like this for years. she is abusive to me, i find that very diffcult. it has had aneffect on our relationship, sometimes i cant look at her, i walk out of the house when she becomes abusive, i need her to know i wont tolerate it, i have not been able to put up boundaries for her when she was younger, i have attended many parenting classes over the year i try to be proactive, empty chair technique, i am trying to see things in a different light.

i am worried about my two youngest,i have spoken to people about my concerns that they will be affected by these experiences, they are growing older now,they like to spend time with their friends, i am far from happy with attitudes that they have been exposed to, lot of people on this estate with problems, violence,sweaing. i have got my youngest two into sports and try to encourage them to do more than just hang about. i have been very involved in community projects, allotments, reading childrens stories on our community radio, there have been some great opportunities that have come into being. :confused:

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Alice,

I am very sorry to hear about your struggles. For many parents dealing with a 17 year old is difficult and when one of them has ADHD it can become a nightmare. You are worried about your younger daughters. Kids are resilient. I'm worried about you.

Frankly, my experience in these situations (I'm a retired pschotherapist) is that medicine needs to be the first priority. Then, behavioral psychotherapy is best. Many teens refuse treatment but if you assure her that medication will help her cope much better, and feel much better, she might cooperate.

I fear asking my next question but, given she has ADHD and is acting out, do you know or suspect that she is using drugs?


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hello Alan

yes i totally agree medicine needs to be the first priority, i am finding difficulties talking to my daughter, i try to explain to her that her health is very important,its important to look after yourself, i always tell her that, and please can she come to the doctors. i have tried to get the doctors to come to the house and see her

yes she is taking drugs cannabis, yes it is serious for her and she doesnt realise,she is vulnerable. her state of mind i am very worried about, the thing i find hardest is that no one has been able to help her over these five years. two schools who where unable to helpshe was kicked out of one and the other could only take her for one day a week.

things are serious, the doctors say has to want it herself, if they set up counseling, will she go to it? the problem is she cannot see that there is a problem.

maybe i can get through to her, at the moment support is here for her for three months and myself, we were talking about changes in a meeting today with my daughter and my self and a youth worker, a plan of action,i took the opportunity to speak and suggest counseling for us together. i am worried for her safety and state of mind. i need to explore other avenues also.


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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi Alice37,

I am sorry for all your troubles.

My kids both have ADHD and so do I. From what I am hearing there is more than ADHD going on there, or maybe our is very mild. I would suggest at least look into if there is anything else going on. And I agree if it is that bad I would strongly look into medication.


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