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Life seems pointless...


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Well lets start off with a little about me: Im 17. A senior in highschool. I'm 315 pounds(down from 350). I have no friends outside of the people I talk to in class, but i dont really think their friends, more like just class mates. And I hate my life. I'm fat, ugly, and usually socially awkward. I've been depressed for as long as I can remember. I have NO self-value or self-esteem. And I hate myself.

I dont want much in life. Okay, well I do. I wanna be a successful actor, but Im not stupid, I know the odds are it wouldnt work out even if I was attractive. So getting back to reality, I just want a job that will allow me to not have to worry about putting food on the table, friends, and a wife/girlfriend I can connect with. Is that to much to ask? Im not one of those guys that just wants to f*** every girl he sees. I'm a relationship kinda guy. Not that I can get in one. I dont blame the girls though, I wouldnt date me...

You know everytime I look in the mirror and for about an hour every night before I fall a sleep I think about how my life is gonna suck and Im gonna end up alone. I have kind of given up hope of being happy. I wanna die, but i dont think I would kill myself.

I just cant stand the thought of having these desires that will never be fulfilled for the rest of my life and being plagued with the thought of them every night for the rest of my life. So my question is, how do I get over all these desires? Im not asking you to give me some miracle answer on how to improve my life. I just want to know if any of you know how to remove these desires from my head. I can live with never being happy but I cant stand having to think about what I want and that I will never get it.

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Hi, Micro2Macro. I'm sorry you're feeling down. :rolleyes:

I dont want much in life. Okay, well I do.

If you want it, then why not try for it? We only get to do this thing called life once, after all. It's true there are no miracle cures to the challenges of life. The answers you are seeking are within you and you have to make it happen. I have no doubt that you can succeed and have what you want in life, but you have to proactively create the opportunities. Have you considered writing down and organizing what causes you discomfort by level of discomfort? Doing this may help you to set goals and work toward attaining those goals. Such as your weight and being socially awkward. Try tackling each source of distress one at a time. Do you have a counselor at your school? Are your parents supportive? Perhaps you can work with your doctor and parents to help set up a diet and exercise plan. It sounds like you are off to a great start with weight loss. That's wonderful.

In the meantime try practicing with treating yourself kindly. Allow for the possibility of positive outcomes. Those desires that you speak of are telling you something. If you listen to your own needs and desires, they will help propel you forward to having what you want in life. You can do it, but you have to try.

I hope you are feeling better soon. Take care.

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I have to agree with Irma on this, if you are having these desires that means something. Your body is telling you what you need to be happy, but those are good long term goals.

I want to remind you that you are only 17. You are still very young yet, and have a whole lifetime ahead of you before you give up on your hopes and dreams. I think being an actor is a good positive long term goal to work towards. Are you in acting classes at school, the drama club? The good thing is that when it comes to acting it is hard to pass up a good actor. If you are a good actor than the apperance is not so important. But obviously your apperance means alot to you (as it does to alot of young people) So think about what you can do to improve that. If your parents are supportive than maybe you could enlist in them for more help, but you have to be willing to do the work yourself to be successful. The most imporant thing about happiness is that if you want someone else to see you, you have to radiate that love for yourself. If you are not happy with yourself than others are going to see that also. Please work on doing things for yourself, so that you are happy. Once your aspect on life changes to a more positive one, the rest of what you want in life will follow.

Be patient and love yourself for who you are!! For you are wonderful. And you deserve to be Happy first and formost.

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi MM,

Welcome to our community.

I also agree with chatterbox and irmajean. You are giving up before you ever started. How do you know what could happen if you pursue an acting career. You may or may not become a Hollywood star but plenty of actors make good livings even if they don't become world famous.

Also, have you and your family looked into medical help and psychological help for your weight problems?


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I said I dont think its going to happen not that Im not trying. I take classes and am signed with a talent agency. Its what I want to do I'm just being realistic.

As far as my weight goes, Im dieting and going for 80 minute walks every night so I am doing something.

I dont come off to other people as depressed. When Im around people I act happy and am very active. Ive been called the happiest person my friends have ever met. I found that very funny.

Its not that Im not working on everything, its just I feel like its all futile. You know when you just have a a strong feeling that things arent gonna work? Yeah, thats how I feel.

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