new to the site don't know where to turn

[robbi64]

I'm new to the site, i just don't know where to turn. I will give a little bit of my story. I have dealt with depression for years but now it is just taking over my life. My life has been on bad thing after another. I have have had 2 abusive marriages and now been divorced since 2000 after i had found out that my 2nd husban had moslested my daughter. In 2005 I met a man that i thought was the love of my life but he recently left me. I didn't see it coming. In 2006 I lost my brother to a sudden brain anuryism. I still have a hard time dealing with that. All this time I had been helping taking care of my mom who had diabitias , heart problem, and arthritis. I lost my mom this year

Feb. 6 to kidney failure. She was my best friend. Now with my boyfriend gone i feel so alone. I feel apart and couldn't stop crying and my dad had to take me to the hospital to be gave medication. I am on pacsil and suppose to start therapy on Oct 1 first opening they had. I just don't feel like doing anything. My house is a mess all i want to do is just stay in my apartment and play video games so i don't have to think. that is the short version of my story it would take a book to write all my feeling and thing that have happened to me. I keep wondering why i cant have good things in my life. Why cant i ever be happy ?

[Mark]

Robbi,

Welcome to our support community. I'm sorry that a few days have gone by before you got your first response.

You are someone who has had to shoulder more than her fair share of significant and painful losses in life, and the most recent loss of your boyfriend is maybe all the more difficult to deal with on account of the previous losses. Consider yourself in grief mode right now. If you want to curl up and play video games for a while, that's okay. Video games give you a rest from the pain of the loss. Don't spend all day doing that, however. Try to get out and take a walk or something. there is always a temptation to withdraw utterly when you are feeling low and alone, but it isn't the best thing to do to give into that impulse.

Be gentle with yourself, and nurturing to the best of your abilities. If no one is around who can parent you for the moment (and sometimes we all need the comforting presence of a parent-like person), then you will have to parent yourself. Consider talking to yourself as though you were advising a hurting child, "it's okay, this hurts but things will get better". It sounds corny, but it can help. And things are likely to get better. they usually do when you are in the middle of a grief.

I'm glad that you will be able to start therapy tomorrow. Please let us know what that experience is like. It can be nerve wracking becuase who is this stranger and why should I trust him/her, but often, after a while, the therapist proves to be trustworthy and you can relax a little bit. It should be helpful to be able to share your pain with that therapist, and please also feel very free to share it here with us. There are a lot of people here who can relate.

Mark