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girlfriend


nathan

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I have been seeing a girl, sleeping with her and so on. She wanted a "relationship," but i didnt. But I liked her so i kept talking to her, It was always very flirty, she was definitely attracted to me. But i kept pushing away the idea of being ina "relationship" whenever she brought it up. I couldnt commit, also i was uneasy about it becuase ive never been in a committed relationship before, i dont really no what is required.

This was obviously really bothering her over the two months we were seeing eachother, causing her pain and so on, so I tried to break up with her a number of times, but she always came back. SO becuase i am a dumbass, I decided to change the way I was being with her. I stopped being so flirty, tried to become more her friend, which I thought would change the dynamics of our, what really was, a "relationship," just not labbeled as one. And it did change. She was less attracted to me, the second last time we had sex, she said she wasn't "feeling it" and we stopped halfway through. (I hadn't been "feeling it" for most of the time I was with her, but I always enjoyed being with her, which is why I kept talking to her.) It hought this would get me out of the relationships space, and into a friendship, but all it did was get me out of the relationship real fast.

So now we don't talk, I think there is mutual regret, or something. I duno what it is, but there are some bad vibes happening. THis whole thing is new to me, I havnt been with anyone for other than random one nighters occasionally. I dont like how this turned out.

I think if i had kept bein flirty with her, and kept her attracted to me things would have been a lot better. We were actually pretty close, we undertood eachother, I've never been like that with anyone ina a long time, becuase I've had my own problems. Now i feel like i have become the ashole and she does not want to talk to me. This is bad. I need to do it better next time.

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi Nathan,

Why did you push away a woman who loves you, finds you attractive and has sex with you? It seems like you "snatched defeat from the jaws of victory," if you know what I mean?

Allan:confused:

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Yeah I know what you mean ha.

It's becuase i decided in my head that i could get other girls, im in college, there's lots. THis girl is fine, but that idea was always in my head. So couldnt commit to a relationship, it would have felt wrong if i did. I was trying to be honest with her.

But I also have problems with being attracted to someone who I am ina relationship with. IT became a relationship, and eventually i found myself not even wanting to have sex with her, I did, but only becuase she still wanted it. Im kinda messed up like that, I think it somehow stems from my anxiety, and i say that just because my anxiety has always messed me up one way or another, despite having become a lot better in dealing with it.

Its too bad it seems like we cant talk though

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Guest ASchwartz

Nathan,

Lots of guys have that problem that they stop wanting sex with the woman they start having a relationship with. I want to tell you the obvious: Its good to have sex with someone you have a relationship with. Have you thought about psychotherapy?

Allan

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yeah, it probably is a good thing. If i could have flicked a switch and been more attractedd to her again I would have, I mean liked her, I miss her now. It's bothering me how it ended.

I had to do therapy for last few months, my probation officer told me to. I didnt do to much for me, although we had some interesting conversations, and it was nice to have someone to talk to like that.

I don;t think a learned anything. Talking did make me feel better, in temporary fleeting kind of way.

He didn't want to tell me, but i pulled the words from his mouth, and he basically diagnosed me with an anxiety/ depression.

It seems like all the ideas relate back to the oldest ideas of religion, ideas about the ego, and thoughts and so on, and I've read about these before.

Maybe thats just becuase thats all I talked about when I was there, maybe he meant for me to direct the talks.

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Guest ASchwartz

Nathan,

You have probably wrote about this already but can you please remind me of why you have a probation officer and what about psychotherapy for your depression and anxiety, psychotherapy of you own choice and not because the authorities ordered it?

Allan

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