dogmas, confused.

[nathan]

I recently read some books about spirituality, the ego, and the "spirit" (which basically seems to be what you are when your are without your ego, or more accurately, what it is to be aware of the ego in yourself and in others, and not be at its mercy).

And I found that there is a lot of truth to it when it comes to dealing with your own thoughts, your anxietys, friendships, and the daily struggles we experience. It was helpful.

And so it changed the way I looked at things, I became better with my anxiety problems,times when I used to get anxious, I did not get anxious anymore. That itself gave the ideas some truth to me, the truth comes not in the form of some physical scientific evidence, but in its apparant usefulness itself.

When someone was really angry and yelling, I saw their anger differently...it's not "them" that is acting out, it is their ego. And therefore their is no reason to be angry back, just wait for the ego to tire itself out, and it will very quickly as long as you dont feed it. Whether or not this is "true," this is a useful perspective to have. It changes the social dynamics completely, when the person sees that their anger is not affecting you, that is to say, their ego is failing to trigger your ego (because that is what it wants), they begin to shut down...Their ego is getting no satisfaction from you, so its stops trying, and the person stops yelling. You can then continue ina relationship with that person, the ego's having gotten out of the way.

It opens up a space in your self, a mindset or something that people can recognize, and when they do, they almost always try to enter that space with you. It is a calm, benevolent, relaxed space. It's very freeing. It allows you to find yourself. It gives you a space to come back to when you are lost. For example, IF you are feeling anxious, you just come back to this space. This allows you to keep going in times that you would otherwise have been anxious. It inadvertantly gives you a strong personality, becuase it makes you consistant, and it makes you strong.

With women, the "space" i found is very useful for a man. It helps eliminate your anxiety, which makes you strong, which of course women pick up on and are attracted to. When it elminates your anxiety, your ego, you can become youself, and can be more congruent. You are stable. It helps you not worry about whether or not she likes you, or whetehr or not you are doing things right. It makes you indifferent to whatever happens, but not becuase you are distant or dissassociated, but becuase your are content with what is, there are no worries. This is absolutely needed for attraction. It also gives you respect (essentially another form of attraction) with other males.

But thereis a problem when your ego gets involved with this "space." And that is what has happened to me. Before this happened, my life was quickly becoming much better, but now, it seems stunted. It is hard to explain, but it is as if the my ego has taken it over, which essentially, takes away that space altogther. And the ego does all kinds of things, it's very dogmatic. It creates rules, you start thinking about how you should act in a situiation, how you could have been better, its purely logic based, it is very limited and narrow, it blinds you from opportunities that are right infront of you. It essentially creates anxiety.

This time however, I am anxious about my space. I try to do what I would do if i was in this space. Becuase the space is a benevolent, comfortable space, I try and act "good" to other people. The difference is that I am "trying", I am thinking, which uses my ego, Whereas before, it was all intuitive, simply by being in the space, you just do what needs to be done, you can take advantage of all opportunities, becuase you are so aware of what needs to be done. No thoughts, ideas, or anxieties are clouding that awareness. But the ego clouds all of this. With woman I am doing things that I know does not create any attraction, becuase Im trying to be something that I no longer am--I'm "trying" to be "good". This isn't just about woman tho, it is the same with male friendships, and people in general. Where my life was quickly opening up before, it is shutting down, becoming more isolated again.

I feel like I easily start thinking too much, start using my ego too much, and that is my anxiety. When your ego takes over, you are blind becuase you miss opportunities, your just too anxious to follow them. Then you regret for the rest of your life for having not taken those opportunities. People who are not anxious have much less regret.

Sorry but i needed to vent.

[Endlessnight]

Hi Nathan. I dont really have any advice or anything to offer. Just wanted you to know I read your post. This is a good place to vent! Hope things improve for you.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Nathan,

Its OK to vent here. If not here, then where can a person vent?

I may have asked you this before, so, please be patient with me if I did and you already answered. The question is, are you in psychotherapy?

My impression of this post is that you are struggling to understand yourself and others but you get caught up in a lot of confusing ideas. Psychotherapy, especially, cognitive behavioral therapy, would help you sort out things and help you think more clearly. I just have the impression that you are so upset right now that you are not thinking clearly.

Allan

[nathan]

well thatnk you guys for responding, that was nice. Yeah i guess I am trying to understand people, including myself, but who isn't??

I had some phscotherapy before, my probabtion officer urged me to do, and i agreed to, i wasnt forced. It was nice in that i had someone to vent out at, and we had good talks, I think he may have helped me somewhat in coping with things. He wanted me to put me on some kind of anxiety or depression drug, but I didnt take it.

MAybe I am confused, but he didnt exactly help me clear out my thoughts or ideas, I usually would agree with what he would have to say. His words usually coincided with me. Maybe I was too close minded to pick up on everything he was saying, but I think I was pretty open. I m rambling, Im sorta drunk. Thanks fo responding to my vent, that was good.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Nathan,

This is why I want to suggest a type of psychotherapy that is very specific and that will provide you with tools to help yourself in the future. It is called Cognitive Behavior Therapy, CBT, and is very effective. It has specific goals and objectives to be achieved in a fixed amount of time and helps people learn how to think more clearly and realistically.

What do you think?

Allan

[Luna-]

Nathan,

I hope you're still reading this thread?

I recently read some books about spirituality, the ego, and the "spirit" (which basically seems to be what you are when your are without your ego, or more accurately, what it is to be aware of the ego in yourself and in others, and not be at its mercy).

Can you tell me what books these were?