sadgreeneyes Posted November 14, 2010 Report Share Posted November 14, 2010 I dont know am I anxious and depressed or if I am grieving too. I feel anxious most of the time because my husband will come and stay with me in my country and I struggle with self esteem issues making me scared he doesnt love me, beside this I have ptsd that makes me have nightmares about it because I am afraid how I will handle it and I am thinking what to do to avoid it. Its easy to avoid it now when I am alone. If I was living in Jordan with him I could avoid my ptsd as it is not like a western country. I feel so sad too because we are not with each other and I feel so alone, abandoned and scared.I am anxious and feeling more sad than ever and I feel such a strong grief like I have lost someone dear now. My mother came to mental hospital when I was 5 years old, she a had schizophrenia, I didnt see her until I turned 13. I lost my brother who committed suicide when I was 13. My father was violent and cold ignorant in childhood and left me alone much from age 13 to 15 so I ran down do my mothers flat. At age 15 my father threw me out and continued his life with his new woman. I have had only abusive relationships. My mother was under care all her life and she died suddenly 4 years ago. I didnt get to say goodbye to any of them.My husband know I have lost them but he doesnt know how bad it have affected me. I said to my husband maybe he is one of them who will abandon me, he said no dont think like that.Now when I have married he is not here with me and I am so scared he will abandon me after time. I am scared about my ptsd when he comes here. Dont know how I can handle it. I am so anxious and sad and I feel to cry many times,sometimes I do. There has been some days lately I havent gone to work as I feel so down, I cant take slightly critic at work as I one day nearly started to cry. I am tired all the time and have headache and its aching in my heart, am about to cry only by writing here.Am I grieving? or am I only anxious and depressed? I have no energy and feel I want to just stay inside and not go out. I was not sad before I went down and married him. So it must be the situation after I married that have brought me to feel like I do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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