Im Gay but i want a Girlfriend ??

[confusedperson875]

I'm 100% Gay im not BI because i have no affection towards girls, i turned 17 2 weeks ago, I mean i have heaps of friends they always invite me to party's yet im getting all worked up because some of them have girlfriends and i don't jealousy? even though im gay?? please help its making me confused because i dont need a girlfriend but i just want one to be happy.

[Waiting]

Hi confusedperson875 and welcome.

Well I am not gay, but I know a few people who are, but I will do my best to be here and listen and suggest what I can.

Maybe you just want to fit in? Maybe you are tired of being different? Maybe you have difficulty finding partners because there are so few gay people where you are?

I don't know much about what is going on with you or where you live etc. (don't say exactly where, but big city, small town etc). Have you come out? Do people harass gay people where you are? SO many issues.

It does not surprise me that you simply want a girlfriend and be like all the rest who seem to be happy with their lives. (Seem is an important word here.)

I don't think having a girlfriend will give you what you are seeking.

Waitng

[confusedperson875]

i live in Australia everyone here is nice to gay people it seems gay people are respected more then straight people.

Will not having a girlfriend keep me unhappy, IM GAY! i dont need a girlfriend but i only want one to fit in ): and after reading some straight people not having girlfriends it seems there so upset i dont want to be upset i just want to know i dont have to have a girlfriend because im gay

_EDIT_

Nope i havent come out but my mum found gay porn i had on the computer when i was 14 /: so she sorta thinks im straight still O.o but yea everyone at school thinks im straight. Do i need a girlfriend in life to be happy? im happy without a gf or a bf but i need opinion because according to guys every guy needs a gf

[Waiting]

i live in Australia everyone here is nice to gay people it seems gay people are respected more then straight people.

Will not having a girlfriend keep me unhappy, IM GAY! i dont need a girlfriend but i only want one to fit in ): and after reading some straight people not having girlfriends it seems there so upset i dont want to be upset i just want to know i dont have to have a girlfriend because im gay

_EDIT_

Nope i havent come out but my mum found gay porn i had on the computer when i was 14 /: so she sorta thinks im straight still O.o but yea everyone at school thinks im straight. Do i need a girlfriend in life to be happy? im happy without a gf or a bf but i need opinion because according to guys every guy needs a gf

Well I didn't have a gf until I was 26 and I was happy. Arguably I was less happy with my gf in the long run as the relationship had me depressed for 7 years. Being with the wrong person never made anyone happy. My opinion is that being with a person just for the fact off being with someone is not going to help you be happy.

Waiting

[malign]

Hi confusedperson,

You know, it's pretty common for peer pressure not to make sense.

It's also pretty common for society to pressure people to pair up, and yes, the majority in society are heterosexual, so they would expect each guy to find a girl.

But the reality is, that girl is another human being. She has feelings and needs, too, just like you do. And I'm pretty sure one of the things she doesn't need is to hook up with a guy who doesn't want to talk to her, who doesn't like her, or who isn't even interested in her sexually, but who only wants to "have" her so he can "fit in" with whoever he considers his peer group. Honestly, how would you feel if someone treated you that way?

Peer pressure (or rather resisting it) is how we learn what we really stand for.

That's why it's so common among teenagers, because now's the time you have to make those decisions.

This is your life; choose wisely. :-)

[sensitive_woman]

Malign has explained it very very well. Peer pressure is the no. 1 driving factor for gays to find a girlfriend or marry one! I got married to a guy who was never interested in me sexually even though I'm a very attractive woman. He constantly kept finding faults in me for no reason at all and for the stupidest of things such as the color of my lipstick, my clothes, my skin.. and his mother would join him and say all sorts of things. In short, he found faults in everything!

I was hurt and couldn't understand any of it during the time we were married. I did everything possible to make him fall in love with me. I would cook a 5 course meal before I left for work and come home and cook a 7 course meal for him because he was so fond of food. We went on so many surprise vacations and we had some really good times together. I tried changing my tastes of color and dressing sense to please him and yet he was never happy.

Slowly I started understanding that he would never be interested in me though he said he 'loved' me which I'm sure he did in his own way. I feel sorry for him but I feel terribly cheated. The society I come from does not encourage homosexuality. I feel hurt and cheated because he is a highly qualified expert surgeon who could not speak up the truth, not even to himself!?! To cover up for the truth, he started getting into substance abuse and eventually lost his professional practice and then things started getting ugly. He started beating me and so I left him and now I'm divorced.

I think it is unfair for the woman you want as a girlfriend or wife. I respect a brave man who has the guts to say I'm not interested. Honestly it will also ease the pressure off his soul. He would fear social reaction initially but once he accepts it himself, he would not fear anyone and be much happier. He would have surely spared the woman's life (mine) whom he married. I cant pick up the pieces of my life and move on and its extremely painful... I will not tell anyone I know, the reason for my divorce because I still love him too much but I set him free by divorcing him though he doesn't think so. He thinks I spoilt his reputation, can you believe it?

In short, its easier to accept the truth rather than complicating your (and someone else's) life so much later.

[sensitive_woman]

Confusedperson,

What every guy needs is not important. What you need is important!

[Nessie]

Well, I've seen a variety relationships gay men have had.

One example, a gay HR person at a previous company I worked at got married to a woman because he desperately wanted to have kids. He was open and up front about everything prior to getting married and while I don't know the details of their sexual relationship (is he allowed to act on his gay feelings??) I tend to think that she might be getting the short end of the stick. However, I can't really say that for sure and as an adult, she should be allowed to choose whatever kind of life she wants assuming no one is deceiving her.

So I guess if you really wanted a girlfriend and were 100% up front about being gay and what kind of relationship you want with her, it doesn't necessarily seem terrible to me if she ends up wanting to go for it. I would just be very clear about it to reduce the chance of hurting someone's feelings.

Still, if you are gay and you feel that gays are generally well accepted where you are, maybe your friends would be jealous if you got a boyfriend and then they'd want to get one, too.