new

[Lindamomof7]

Oh yes we can get very possesive of the lanes we are bowling on..

[labrador]

This ain't a bad place to get lost shannon...some really nice people here. The cupcakes turned out pretty good, but the one from The Joy Of Baking is the best! Very rich and very chocolatey, just how I like them! My wife told me she liked seeing me baking again because she said i look happy when I'm doing it. I'm goint to bake a turtle cheesecake for her birthday on Dec.15...the big 40 for her so she deserves something a little special. We were going to go to Mexico like we did my for my 40th but with this job thing happening it just isn't financially responsible at this time. I kind of feel bad about it because I know she was really looking forward to it, but somehow i'll make it up to her.

Been thinking alot of bringing some professional help into my journey here. I think I'm ready to deal with some of the issues that I've carried around since my teen years, and I think that it's an area that i should not go it alone. My wife saw someone when her dad past away so I think I may give him a shot at me as well.

[Lindamomof7]

...................

[labrador]

Hmmm. Employment insurance just called me for more information on my dismissal. Feeling crappy now after going through it all with the guy. Guess that means that I haven't put that behind me yet.

[Lindamomof7]

no and it's ok, give yourself some time to feel that way and then say to yourself, ok time to move on and feel good...

[shanrucas]

Hi Linda and Lab,

Hey Linda did you know that my last relationship, my boyfriend and I had a sound company...talk about equipment, just to give you an idea we had to use a trailer to haul it all, we could shake a building with it . It was called "2001 Sound Odyssy" I named it..We did school dances, weddings etc..but the best times were when we set sound for a local blues band...good memories.

Labrador, nothing wrong in considering bringing in a little help, a professional can step back a bit from the situation and help bring things to light, and like Linda said, if the first one doesn't fit, look for another.

Shannon

[labrador]

So much for moving on and feeling good. Just got off the phone with the guy from Employment Insurance again. He told me my former employer is saying that if I wasn't fired, everyone else in the workplace would have quit. this is total bullshit!! Yes I had problems with a couple co-workers, but for the most part I just gave back what I was getting from them, and I accept responsibility for that because I know better. But to say that there is no one there that could work with me is is crap. For the two people who had an issue with me there are better than 20 others that I had a good working relationship with. Now I'm going to be disqualified from any benefits that I would normally be entitled to. I am so pissed off right now I don't know what to do. If that's what they are telling Employment insurance, what are they telling potential employers when they do a reference check? This friggin town is too small for shit like that to be going around and it is going to cost me any chance I have of finding a decent job here. The shittiest part of all of this is that i saw it coming, and I didn't do anything to stop it. I dont know if there was anything I could have really done but I should have tried. I just cant get over the fact that they are throwing me under the bus after I gave them 8 years in which I brought alot of positive change and increased the profitability of the company. Isn't it enough that they fired me? Do they have to make me suffer in my attempts to move on and earn a living?

[shanrucas]

Darren...I'm so sorry that this has happened, all your frustration and anger over the whole thing is understandable, you've have been trying so hard to get on track with things, I hope that this doesn't stop you from the hard work you have done of late. I know that theres not much I can say to make it any better, but if I could I would.

Maybe someone else on here knows how these employment issues work..I dunno. we are here for you.

Shannon

[Lindamomof7]

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[labrador]

Thanks ladies. I phoned the old manager after i had calmed down a bit and asked him why they are saying shit like that. He told me that the human resources person was the one who talked to E.I., and he didn't know why she would have said what she said. I told him that I was trying to move on and this was not helping in any way. He told me he would talked to the H.R. person and get her to contact E.I. to clarify the true story behind my dismissal. I'm not sure if I trust that will happen but it's all i have to go on right now. I'll see what steps I can take after i talk to E.I. after work tonight. There may be a legal course I can pursue...defamation of character or something like that, but I want to leave that as a last resort because like I said, this is a small city and word gets around too easy. A lawsuit would definately hurt my chances of finding a career type job here and I'm not ready to pack my family up and move just yet. Plus I don't need this in my life right now. I'm having enough difficulty trying to stay straight and deal with my personal issues and this is not helping me.

[Lindamomof7]

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[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Labrador,

Does Canada have a government agency that protects worker rightss? I have known about this sort of thing happening in the United States. Essentially, employers do not want to pay their share of unemployment compensation when someone is dismissed. There is recourse here and I know several people who have won their cases and been paid retroactive to when they were fired from employment.

Labrador, this type of thing is certainly very upsetting. But, don't despair, instead get even through a law suit or whatever protective agency you may have in Canada.

Allan

[shanrucas]

I totally agree with Allan and Linda, plus my mother has always told me that success is the best revenge..Keep strong!

Shannon

[labrador]

Finally some good news. My E.I. rep called and they are approving my benefits claim because they feel that the act that my employer stated was the reason for my dismissal was not an act of misconduct. Apparently the employer can appeal this decision, but I'm hoping that they won't. Apart from the one individual and the fact that I was fired, I really enjoyed working there and would hate to have this ruin any good memories of my employment there. When the benefits kick in I'm thinking about possibly going back to school to upgrade my commerce degree or to get an accounting designation. At least I'll have a few different options and won't have to be stuck in the dead end job that I'm in right now. I think I may have the best sleep that I've had in a long long time tonight. It feels like a ton has been lifted off my shoulders!

[Lindamomof7]

Wonderful news Labrador...

Thats great you are thinking of going back to school. i'm sure you will do weel in whatever you do... So I hear they need bakers???

[58corvette]

Hello Labrador;

That is Great to hear. It is always good when well meaning people get some Justice.

Sleep Well and the Best to You!!!

[shanrucas]

I so happy to hear that labrador..you deserve a good break.

[labrador]

Tonight is the night of the christmas party for my old employer. Over the years I really came to enjoy these parties and i feel sad about missing out on it this year. I've got to figure out a way to put it out of my mind though because I'm having a hard time adapting to life without that workplace already, and adding anything else just drags me deeper into despair. I keep telling myself that i don't care, that I can move on to better things, but the truth is that I don't think i believe myself. That old saying, "you can fool alot of people but you can't fool yourself" is true in this case.

[shanrucas]

Labrador, I am sorry you seem to be having a hard time adjusting to life beyond your old place of employment. I did too when I got layed off...I thought my coworkers were close friends and I havent' heard from them in almost 4 years now, it still hurts....I think my former boss chose me to be layed off due to the bipolor thing, but I can't prove it...they certainly haven't asked me back thats for sure.

oh well that seems like a life time ago. With time and taking care of yourself it will be the same for you. New life, new routines,,and of course we are still hear for you...even if are a little late in responding from time to time.

(I hope I am making sense here, my brain is a short circuit somewhere)

((hugs))

Shannon

[labrador]

The thing about addictions is that they are survivors by nature. When they realize that their host has decided to fight them, they will respond with a physical and mental attack to get back in control. If the host is strong enough to get through this attack, the addiction resorts to sneaky behaviour, and lies waiting for a chance to strike back. Something will inevitably come up that stresses the host, and the addiction will quietly whisper things like, " It's O.K. You are in control. You can get high this once and it won't be a problem." It is a trap though. The addiction wants you to think you are in control of it, wants you to believe that one time won't lead to another. But the truth is that it usually does. And before you know it, the addiction has once again seized control.

The above is a true account of the past week. I'm not sure if it was missing the Christmas party that set it in motion, or if working with guys who are getting high on their breaks finally got to me. All I know for sure is that I have fallen back into my habit of getting high to make it through the day. The wife of a good friend in B.C. called it "wake and bake". Get high in the morning and maintain that high until bedtime.

It's really frustrating having to start this fight all over again. In my mind it should be so easy to quit using. It's when I'm high that i feel the worst about myself so why do I continue using?

[Lindamomof7]

..........

[labrador]

Thanks Linda. I've been trying to figure out how to fit professional help into my life but I'm faced with a time dilema. My family depends on me bringing home an income, and my job is Monday to Friday, 7am to 5 pm. How does one receive professional help with this schedule? I can't make appointments during the work week because my position is part of a time-sensitive production process, and being absent will most likely result in the loss of this job. I can't make appointments for after 5 pm or weekends because this is a small community and after hours therapy isn't available here. So I'm in a difficult situation. I know people will say that I have to take care of myself first, but do I sacrifice my family's lifestyle by quitting my job to do so? It wouldn't take long with only my wife's income for us to get into real financial difficulty which would only serve to add yet another problem to the list to deal with. One answer would be to find a job with non-typical work hours but the majority of those are very poor paying. I'm already dealing with a 35% reduction in my earnings and increasing that deficit isn't very appealing. Another answer would be to cut back some of the household expenses to accomodate a further reduction in income, but we don't live an extravagent life as it is. We have a modest house, modest vehicles, and live a modest life. There's just not alot to cut out from it that would make a noticeable difference.

[Lindamomof7]

...................

[shanrucas]

Hi Labrador,

I am sorry you are facing a difficult time. I certainly understand the time issue. Its hard when you are trying to make ends meet. I face that as well. I have a 4 hour window of each weekday to get things done. The economy certainly doesn't help, but I am fortunate in the way that I can schedule and componsate time to got see my doc when I need. At least you can discuss things here with us until there is a time you can make for yourself, but if it gets to ruff, you really do need to put yourself first, it would be really hard for family being with out you.

Take care, my thoughts are with you.

Shannon.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Labrador,

Believe it or not, your dilemma is very common. Plus, I fully agree that you must not risk losing your job.

As a retired therapist who worked in out patient clinics and my private practice, I can tell you that many mental health professionals and out patient agencies are open on Saturdays. Of course, I don't know your community and the fact that it is small may mean that everything is closed in terms of mental health.

What do you think?

Allan