Jump to content
Mental Support Community

Verbal Abuse?


58corvette
 Share

Recommended Posts

I just read a post & replys where Verbal Abuse was mentioned. For me this is a very touchy, emotional, disturbing & guilt ridden subject.

My Ex-Wife used that against me as her reason for Divorce. It wasnt working in the court system until I myself ended up in a Mental Ward for Depression; because I just couldnt face or handle the Loss of my Marriage, Kids & Abandonment AGAIN!!!

I am not Perfect; but for her that was her excuse to be out of a Marriage she simply did not want to be in anymore. She wanted to be Single; Party, my House, My Money & Money she got for my Kids with Child Support.

She ended up getting it all. Thanks to me in the Courts Eyes going to a Mnetal Hospital. So to them I must have been abusive. I was not. My own kids & others have realised that. My ex is very convincing. She phschologically manipulated me & others. And I suffered from years of abuse with that from her.

Abuse comes in many forms. It is terrible. I dont know if there is any of you out here who have been acused of being Verbally Abusive; but I do know if you are on the other end of an Accusation that isnt true it can be just as Demeaning & Detrimental.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow; no responce yet to this Post & Subject?

I think this is part of why I feel so Lost, Lonely & missunderstood. A touchy subject that I have noticed others have read but no reply.

As I stated it is so Disheartning & Detrimental when a False Accusation Ruins & Changes your Life. I know many of you dont know me or can know whether to believe me or not & to a degree I understand.

But any Man or Person who was put through what I was as a Father & Husband in Court & Society I know there has to be more out there Somewhere? Can Relate.

It is TERRIBLE. Especially when I loved them so much. As I said my Kids, Wife & Family ment everything to me. And it was lost & gone in a Heartbeat.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

Hi 58Corvette,

Yes, I can relate. I was accused of being passive aggressive by my ex. I begged him to get a "real job", to share some of the burden of paying the bills and doing household chores, and i expressed my pain from never getting taken out for dinner, for him forgetting my birthday etc, etc. If that is passive aggressive, then i am guilty as charged.

When my SI was discovered, it was used against me and I couldn't see my kids for a month. His lawyer (and maybe him, I never have got to the bottom of it) threatened to end the mediation process and make a custody issue out of it (even though I never used the fact that children's aid was called three times by third parties due to his hitting our kids). When a parent loves his/her kids, and they love him/her and there is no serious physical abuse, I think it is truly wicked to take the kids away from the other parent. My heart goes out to you!

I don't know the particulars of your situation, but if she is employable, then she should be working. If she can work but chooses not to, that should be her problem, not yours. In my case, the fact that my ex was qualified to make over $200k/year and had done so during our marriage was completely disregarded as irrelevant. At the time of separation, and for the five years prior he was making less than nothing in a so called consulting "business" that seemed to involve an awful lot of golfing and holidays at my expense. In the courts eyes, his lack of work ethic entitles him to more of the same.

Fortunately, after 2 1/2 years (and still counting) of threats to "take me to the cleaners" he has finally got a "real job" and his lawyers are getting off my back. Wow, just like that - a happenstance job offer - and everything changes. My future freedom was just hanging in the balance.

I just read an interpretation of what "sin" is from one of the big name psychologists and I think it is bang on. Sin is preventing somebody else from doing what is innately in them to do. I hope that you will get the opportunity to do what you want with your life. If your ex prevents you from doing that, then it is she who is the sinner, the manipulator and the abuser, not you.

I'm sorry you had to wait so long for a reply. I have noticed that anything relating to divorce is one topic that people do not readily respond to. I guess it's risky. Empathising with you risks alienating many women on this site. The way i see it, the current laws were put in place to compensate the parent who sacrificed their career for the family and by doing so was hugely disadvantaged in finding similar pay work as the other parent. I agree with that, but lawyers are bastardizing that intent and using it to perpetuate laziness and entitlement in otherwise employable people. IMHO, the physical and psychological wellbeing of BOTH parents (and of course the kids) needs to be considered at a moral level, not some stupid outdated, warped rulebook.

I know it must be weird hearing your only reply from a woman, but laziness, manipulation, verbal abuse and entitlement is not gender specific.

PS - sorry if I repeated myself here, I know I replied to some of your other threads.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I read your reply Athena. I know abuse comes in many forms & Genders. I am sorry to hear about yours.

My Ex did work & that was part of the problem. She was also & to this day very Manipulative at work also. Was home very rarely. She was full of herself & her title at work. She worked at Ski Resort, and I know was always looking for other Men as well as when she would go to Fitness Center; Supposidly for hours.

Me & Children would see her for maybe at most two hours a day. She was fired several times from this organization after she left me & after Divorce.

To this day she continues to Party & generally care only of herself. The Children & I continue to suffer from this ongoing attitude. Although my two Sons still see & Love their Mom their own Relationships have suffered.

My Twin Daughter has nothing to do with her after realising her Mom's Motives.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Corvette, I just saw your post, I totally believe what you said and yes abuse comes in many forms. Working in the field of helping victims of abuse for many years, I found our agency abused as well by people claiming abuse from the other person during divorce proceedings, when this wasn't an issue in their lives till then..hmmm always made me wonder. All I had to go on with is my gut feelings, I can tell you that the behavior of someone being abused either mentally, verbally or physically by someone in their lives was easy to tell than someone that is just making claims...but I have worked many years with victims and to some people even judges they don't always see through it.

Shannon

Link to comment
Share on other sites

58corvette,

So you have had to blow through most of your savings in order to pay child support, given your unemployment? What about her? When your savings run out, can't she dig into her own savings (if she's still not working)? Here in Canada the courts adjust the payments on a year to year basis based on the circumstances of both parents unless some permanent agreement is made to the contrary. I don't know how it works where you live.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

No Athena; My child Support ended 3yrs. ago now. I came back after a few yrs away to be near my children again. I had to cash in my retirement to survive without work.

I was required to still give half of that to my Ex. (in which she has now used to finish schooling) I LOSE again. It also helped my Twin Son who was in Major Auto Accident. The rest I have used up Supporting My Oldest Son & Myself in this Hotel as he also deals with his Drug Addiction.

So just call me a SUCKER; cause out of the goodness of my Heart I have dearly paid the price with my family through the years.

I seem to be getting the short end of the stick on all of this. God only knows I have tried to be a good Person, Father & Husband.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think good people just get screwed more often. It kind of makes sense. You don't fight dirty. And you have taken the high road because that's simply your nature. I think all the good people in the world should band together and help each other and protect each other from the bad ones, and perhaps bring some over to "our" side. I just haven't figured out how to set that up yet:rolleyes:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well thank you. the next month will tell a lot. the stuff hit the fan just now with my Twin Daughter & my Oldest Son. He texted her to get me help. she called me to see if I was ok. My oldest Son did'nt like that & feels she double crossed him.

She did'nt. Fact is both my Oldest Son (his Addiction) & Myself (Mental Issues) need help. My Twin Son is going to try to get us to Counselor. Unfortunatly my Oldest Son & Daughter still have Animosity towards each other. But my Twins will be ok, cause they have place to live & income.

Once my retirement runs out next Month; the fact that My Son & I are both Unemployed is BAD. So I do not know what will Happen between Now & Then.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You to Ladies are so Thoughtful; THANK YOU so much.

I am on Monster. Com & now Careerbuilders; A few months back I was working for a Temp Agency & they Liked my work along with Company I was working for. They told me if I got Forklift License I would get next opening.

When Job opened up they Gave it to a younger (in his 20's) Bilingual Man. So naturally i was very dissapointed & felt decieved & discrimated against. Instead of taking it I just left job. I probably shouldnt have; but at my age I was just tired of the Lies. I am now also paying the price for that decision.

I just want a decent job that I enjoy & feel wanted & respected for my work & who I am. I have been filling out applications Online a lot & have called same Temp Agency with no responce back.

I just wish my Three Children would get along & together with me to seek counseling together & get the Help My Oldest Son & I need. I filled out Application for Intervention Show Again & at my request my Twins also did. I know at some point I have to get my act together; Im still trying.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If it was age discrimination, that's a shame. I'd hire somebody in their 50's in a flash. Try getting a 20 yr old to stick with you for 10 or 15 years! Bilingual I could understand. Up here, if you're in a factory or construction site, English plus Portuguese or Italian is a huge asset. I doubt too much of your competition is bilingual though, so keep at it.

Why not show up at the temp agency and introduce yourself personally? Anything to give you an edge. Or look up successful companies in your area and do personal letters to the manager or walk ins. I have never tried to get a job from an ad, I've always done letters, walk ins or been referred. In my last career, out of 20 personally addressed letters to branch managers of places I wanted to work, plus 5 walk-ins, I got 3 job offers (it was a sales job so that counted for a lot). That was near the end of the 1991 recession. A huge majority of jobs are unadvertised. Also, some companies have internal job sites. Maybe you can ask people you know to look them up for you.

Also, has anybody helped you with your resume? There are tricks for giving a resume more impact. You could probably look stuff up on the internet on how to make a resume stand out. If you need any help on that front, let me know.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Corvette, just don't want you to feel alone, you have so much on your plate and the stress must be unbearable. Its to bad you have to go through this, cause I think you have a good heart and its in the right place. I wish for that you kids will be able to mend their relationship and maybe they will..I hope you all can agree in getting counsleing like you said. You said all you can do is try..so true the point being you are trying..don't give up.

Shannon

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanx Again you Two;

The Discrimination I believe was both Age & Bilingual. I live in Southern California. A lot of Mexican People & Spanish. So yes nowadays Bilingual is a definite Plus. But that does'nt make it right based on Work Performance. Used to be Descrimination was towards Mexican People; & that was'nt right either.

The Pendulum has swung to far in regards to that. Just as the Court System with Parental & Gender Rights. Which is part of the Abuse I have mentioned. There needs to be balance; A middle Ground.

Athena as far as Temp Agency I have went their Personally; just after last job with them no matter how good & hard I worked they are not responding to my Calls at all.

You name it I have done it Athena; All possible avenues of looking for work. I really have'nt had to search over the last 15yrs. or so because I was employed. So I am a bit behind the times. Frustrating especially in this Computer Age. My Twin Son helped me put Resume in Computer so I am using that to upload for internet work & bring with me on job searches.

So I am slowly learning a lot of this & today's times. I know im not getting out of this Hotel enough & hitting the streets, but that is part of my problem I have been dealing with.

Shannon; Thank You Again. Ya I wish my Oldest Son & Daughter would just get along. I honestly thought yesterday that we Four were that close to getting together & see Counsoling that would have helped so much get over a lot of our Family Issues. But my Oldest Son (His Drug Addiction) got upset & thought my Twin Daughter Double Crossed him so now its still not happening.

He left Hotel this Morning again & I have'nt seen him since? I just wish he was'nt so Secretive & lying with me. Everyone keeps telling me how I have to concentrate on myself. I know I do; but it is so hard. Thats why I left in first place & just got to lonely. My Twin Son has been keeping Tabs on me with Cell phone Messages to make sure im Ok, So that & talking with the Dear people on this Site is Helping keep my Sanity & Hope for now.

Thank You Again; Sincerely Jim

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...