PTSD please Help

[chatterbox512]

I have suffered with dormant PTSD for 15 years, which has suited me well. I even began to think I was over it, until recently. Over the past three months or so it has begun to be very bothersome and limiting. I just thought it was anxiety that was making me so nervous about everything but my therapist says that it is definetly PTSD. I am to a point where when I get in my vehicle I am panicing about what could happen. I have stopped going for walks around my house because of all the possibilities of hiding places in our area (I live in the country). During the day is worse because none of the neighbors are home. I have begun to go into town to talk walks with my son, but I have to physically grant myself permission to do so by telling myself that I am safe, there are lots of people around to see if something happens, that there are lots of houses to run to etc. I never was like this until a few months ago, and it is totally freaking me out. I don't want to feel like this as I am sure no one wants to. I don't feel safe anywere any more, even in my home I don't feel 100% safe unless my husband is home. I live in a constant state of hightenend awareness and fear. I don't want this to influence my sons development and sense of freedom, but I don't know what to do.

Has anyone else had this experience before and how have you delt with it. I am attending therapy once a week, other than that I am not really doing much. Any feedback would be appreciated!!

[Guest]

Do you know what triggured this a few months ago? Anything specific that my have put you under stress or something?

[chatterbox512]

The only thing I could think of at the time was a switch in my meds, but thinking back on it, I was beginning to have more memories of my childhood and my therapist was starting to work with me on dealing with them. She is still working with me, it is a slow process but I am just tired of the constant anxiety that I have to deal with while trying to put it on the back burner to be there for my son who is 15 months old. I know when he gets in his moods it doesn't help me either, because it brings on more stress and anxiety.

[shanrucas]

Hi Chatterbox, I have bipolor 2 and PTSD. Yes, I know the feeling you are experiencing. I remember not to long ago I was just walking towards a pasture and I had a feeling of panic so bad that it brought me to my knees. I have been dealing with episodes long enough that I just stopped and thought to myself what could of brought this on..for me I realized it was the date of a trauma I had went through, once I realized what it was the set it off I could talk myself down a bit.. then I reported this to my doc.

Maybe the work your therepist is doing with regarding your childhood has brought this on, have you told your therepist about the episodes of panic?

Hoping the best for you.

[Lindamomof7]

Hi Chatterbox

I totally understand what you are going through. What has your therapist said about all of this? My therapist told me it will be tough when we start EMDR but it should help take those memories and change the way we interpret them. So it seems it(therapy) has stirred up the anxiety for you and I remember being in those really terrible times and I guess I just waited it through and tried diversions and stayed away from anything that is triggering.

I dont think we ever really really get rid of PTSD as you said it lies dormant and then enters our lives again with a vengence.

I know it is hard especially with a toddler. hang in there and really try to stay focused on reality versus your fears... Hang in there...

[Guest]

I could only imagine what it would be like to relive all the major hurtful things that happened in your life, i see why you would be filled with so much anxiety about things then.

[chatterbox512]

Thank You to everyone for your responses.

Linda I am actually starting EMDR next wednesday. I am nervous about it, but I know it will be a good thing in the long run. I have tried this once before but had to stop because something came up during a session that had to be delt with. We actually began prep for it yesterday, which I believe is why my anxiety level is so high today. She wanted me to relive one of my many memories which is painful to do. Unfortunately I have to deal with the aftermath of it until next week when I see her again.

How do you get yourself out of the periods of very difficult anxiety associated with PTSD? That is what I am having trouble with, and since I have a small child at home I am some what limited in what I can do. Since part of my anxiety is associated with going outside I am not so sure how I can overcome it without doing that.

[Lindamomof7]

Hi chatterbox

Yeah I have the same problems with anxiety at times and it is so unpredictable. I guess you are having a hard time with predictabilty as well. As far as coping skills for it, I'm at a loss because I clearly have regulation problems and I understand how the EMDR is causing you to have anxiety. It seems to be the trigger....

I think trying even though its hard is trying to keep things in perspective. Since you are a little familiar with the process of EMDR even though it was not succesful the first time I hope you can find the strength to try it again especially since you are already preparing for it and you have some sort of understanding that you didnt have the first time.

Although it was painful you did it and hopefully you will go a little more further this time....

I will have to deal next week with exactly what you are going through because we were suppose to start EMDR last week but that was before I shut down and wanted to quit therapy. And I probably did that because I was afraid....

As far as your outside anxiety, how about just starting by sitting outside your door. Plan it, schedule it whatever but make it something that you have to do. But you have the safety of your door right there.

I have had that problem to. Since I got sick I havent been able to go near my pool. I have a beautiful pool surrounded by woods with no neighbors and I couldnt go outside even to sit on the porch in my rocking chairs. But once I just "did it" without thought, I could do it. The pool though is a different story. Needless to say I havent swam in almost 5 yrs....

Keep me posted on how you make out with your sessions. I go on Monday and Tuesday for next week. We can send each other happy thoughts for our sessions... (((hugs)))