Why doesnt he wonder?

[sadgreeneyes]

My husband whom I married in his country Jordan ( he is still there waiting to get visa to live with me) never asks me what I am doing at nights, I told him this and he just answers he trust me. Ok its good thing he trust me but another day he said he never asked me what I am doing because I am always in my flat. I found that very self sure to say as I have not only been in my flat at nights, it made me annoyed so I said to him what do you know about that and told him I one night was out drinking, he asked when and didnt say much except for when I wondered if he was ok with that or not, he said he didnt like it but that he couldnt push me to not drink.

Yesterday I was out again and txt him late in the night a loving message. It was being sent 4 times through the night becase of a single mispelling. The last message was sent nearly in the morning. Next day when he txt me good morning I told him I was sleeping long because I wasnt in bed before morning, he didnt wonder anything about that either, he didt send any message back asking what I did last night or why I was so late up. No matter what it seems like to me he doesnt care knowing what his wife does. Makes me think he´s out for the visa and not me. If he´s not wondering tomorrow when I chat with him on cam I find that hurtful. Any husband who loves his wife wants to know what his wife is doing at nights, same as women would like to know what their husbands are doing.

I think it is strange of a newly wed husband to not care asking what his wife has done at nights. He just answer me with he trust me and that I was always in my flat. I found that little insulting like he underestimated me and my life.

[Guest]

maybe he is suspicious but he thinks your flaunting it and dose not want to question it for fear you'll say never mind to his visa do u know what i mean maybe he thinks it's you threatening him in some way that your cheating and he's not here to do anything but how do you expect him to question you when it's u who holds the key so to speak right now. Also maybe he just trust you enough out of the goodness of his heart that you would not do that to him or he may just be in denial. i mean there are alot of reasons he may not ask you about it.

[sadgreeneyes]

Thanks for replying to me, he actually did ask me the next day so he said he did wonder was I out. I said yes I was out. If it was my husband I would ask right away lol...I think my husband is patient and this time he had good reason to ask. I would be very surprised if he didnt. So it does show he cares or he wouldnt ask I guess. Maybe he is scared and doesnt want to know but he knows I am a person he can trust as he say he trust me and he is right, I am a 100% loyal person, so I think that is most likely the reason why he hasnt asked before as he thought in his mind I always was in my flat. But that was little odd to say as I do have a life till he comes here, as I have no family and no one to talk to many times its good for me to spend time out with friends. It will be different when he is coming here, then I am a home person and so is he..I am just glad he wondered about me so I could see he does care:) because it wouldnt be normal if he didnt wonder.

[Guest]

well im glad you got some peace from you situation then

[sadgreeneyes]

Thank you sedsed yes..I need to do something to feel he cares as he is so far away and we havent get the chance to start a life together, its hard not knowing for sure does he really love me or the visa. But I hope things will be fine. I am so wounded from past that I am in need of confirmation several times and I dont want to nag more on him will things be fine and does he care or will he leave me...I know it will damage the relationship if I ask to much and show to much insecurity and not trust him so I try little bit my way to hear if he wonder about me...

[Guest]

He may actually care about you though the visa just may be a bonus so to speak do you know what i mean? But i cannot be sure it just depends on the type of person he is and how you met each other. How did you to met anyways? you don't have to tell me i was simply curious, i don't wish to pry or anything.

[sadgreeneyes]

Hi sedsed,

yes understand what you mean as it is very difficult to get married and start family down there without having enough income to support a whole family. He has explained this to me somehow. But there are red flags waving in my face ( like he contacted me over the net and asked way to early if I would marry him:confused:) and I have to be careful and keep in mind he can be a super pro and fool me. I went down to Jordan to see him and marry him and stayed at the family house for 3 weeks before going home again. My gut is usually good even I have been in several abusive r/ships, I feel very relaxed when I talk with my husband, with once I see him all my nervousness goes away and I cannot feel that he is a bad man, he show no signs of being an abusive man except for he asked very early to marry him. This is the only red flag I have when it comes to abusive men. When it comes to the warnings signs of marriage fraud there is a couple or three so I keep in mind this and I think it will be easy to see how he acts towards me when he comes here. But it is the first man I´ve met that have treat me nothing but good and with care and he is the first one who I cannot feel my gut saying he is bad. So maybe this a very good sign:)

[Business]

I believe this is called being stoic, and it is definitely a part of male culture in Jordan. I went through similar situations with my wife, and when she was out late, I would always wonder, and always worry. But, when she would call, or get home, I wouldn't push the issue because I do trust her, and didn't want to feel obligated to stop doing what she loved as we married young.

What she did, was belly dance professionally at renaissance festivals or at clubs, and she was a zumba instructor at a few athletic clubs. Of course when I couldn't go, there was always an element of worry about what could happen, but when you love and trust someone, its never big enough to get amped up on.

Only time that changes is if you actually do violate that trust, its hard to get it back again. In my past dating experience, some women like to try to see if they can make you jealous and in the process, ruin the relationship. Because they can, it just takes a lot before people who are generally stoic will begin to show it.

If you folks are married and from different cultures it will definitely be a shock to how you're used to things (don't know if you are or not).

[sadgreeneyes]

Hi Business,

yes we are different cultures, I am christian and he is muslim,I didnt know that was part of their culture being stoic,maybe he is. But I also know that a red flag of marriage fraud is not asking any questions and be easily satisfied with your answers. So it does worry me. This is the biggest reason why I try my way. Sometimes I just think giving up and have a mind saying why do I care because I cannot feel he cares like he should but might be my fear, but I could see down there he wasnt that attracted to me, at least that is how I saw it because of his behavior. Wont care before I see he really loves me as he couldnt hold me or kiss or anything down there untill he saw me go, he had to come after me in the street. Never felt so rejected and unattractive in my whole life. And I know I am a attractive woman but he made me feel like garbage, maybe because he was virgin, I dont know, thats what he says.

Asked me to marry him after only one week and over the chat. I dont know how they do in their culture but another muslim Dr.Sam Vaknin said it is a bad sign to ask so early no matter cause unless it was arranged marriage and it wasnt. It takes time to build trust and he hasnt done anything to earn my trust, so I think its only fear of me not to be naive. Trust comes when two people have had the chance to spend time together and not only for 3 weeks and in family house. So will be nice to see how things will be here.

And you are of course right, it doesnt take more than one lie or one broken promise before a relationship starts to suffer. And my husband hasnt been perfect to say it that way. He has lied obviously one time but it wasnt serious and he tried to gaslight me ( an abusers favorite tactic)another time but had to give up.

He is very sweet and nice, but there is these flags, it make me worry.