sadgreeneyes Posted November 21, 2010 Report Share Posted November 21, 2010 Tonight my husband said I was insensitive and I was, I was asking stupid questions about why he called his mother before the sister because it didn`t make any sense to me why he would do that after what he said. It was of no importance if I look at it from a normal view like most people would do. The reason for my behavior was because my fear set in again. So he said I must relax more and I try, When I say it is my problem and it is my fear he is laughing or smiling because he doesn`t understand, he say he understand but I know he say it to be nice to me. Not that he has to understand my fear of abandonment or fear of being deceived, but if he did know what it really was maybe he would understand me better and not be annoyed at me. He said he wasnt angry but that he was annoyed.I can understand that.Its the first time in my life someone have said I am insensitive because I am a good person and I have never had so much fear before and all my r/ships have been abusive. Sometimes I wonder am I abusive as I have so much fear and this affect him.I think it was good he said I was insensitive because I think it is needed to be firm and straight with me and put me in place as this is the only way I can learn to control my overwhelming fear. Is this a good way to overcome fear? that he put me in place. As I see it and how this affect me when he puts me in place is that I´m getting both silent and hurt at the same time, nearly like a child who gets hurt but still manage to behave silent and be ok and then things turns ok. Its like I get fear of talking more and scared my fear will make him abandon me, that my worst fear will become real if I dont stop now. And maybe its good for me he acts little parenting/rough with me as I have never had any parents to set limits for me in childhood.I am like a child in an adult body sometimes and I know I suffer. But I dont want to be this way, I want to be an adult able to see the world as not so bad and dangerous.Do you think my husband would say I was insensitive if he didnt care? even he say he loves me I am a person who wants in my heart to believe that he does but my mind always remember me to be on guard because I am so sure that if I dont pay attention I will be deceived. Sometimes I am just waiting for the bad thing to happen as always,but nothing has happened yet and I hope it never will.It was little strange for me to experience he say I was insensitive because to me it was like knowing he see me as a person who can hurt someone. Sometimes I have been thinking I cannot hurt a man because I´m not loved anyway. Today someone told me I could hurt someone. My husband. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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