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Middle Sister is Bullying Me...


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I'm not sure where to start - in October, I had some very helpful posts here about what to do with my middle sister, so I guess I will start at that point. I'm the youngest of three sisters and 52 years old. I was laid-off from my govt. job last September (2009) in Houston so I decided to move to Austin to go back to school. I have been totally independent and living on my own until then. In the interim, that next December in 2009, I was invited to move in with my 89 year old mother, and did so for about three months until I could figure out what to do next. I decided to go back to school and my middle sister who lives in Austin suggested I move in with her, which I did in April 2010. She had just lost her significant other the previous October so she was dealing with that. We have had relationship problems (she was physically violent) in the past when I was younger but I thought we had gotten beyond those issues, but I was wrong. In so many ways we are alike, except for her anger and temper tantrums. I am giving her $300/mo. , but she said if I lived with her, I had to get a job. Okay, well I looked....and I looked, but could not find anything. At the time I was living off of Worker's comp. When I found a job that I liked and interviewed for it, I was either not qualified or overly qualified. You know the story. I registered at a local college and qualified for student aid, which I told my sister that I would be paying her rent out of. Three weeks after I moved in, she got angry with me because I hadn't found a job in almost a month. During this fight she asked me to move out, right then and there and leave all my belongings behind. I went back to my mother's place for a week, after which we patched things up momentarily and I moved back in. We had another major disagreement in October (last month) which I had asked the folks on this forum if I should get a place of my own because I was in fear of physical violence. They said yes, but to get a place before I moved out. My mother was diagnosed with lung cancer in July and she just passed away on November 1. We got through the arrangements and the Memorial. This last week, my sister and I got into it again. We had planned to go see a popular movie together and I got held up at school and was running late. Once I got out, I tried to call her twice on her cell to find out where she was and if she still wanted to go to the movie. Never could get in touch with her, so I went on to see the movie, thinking she got tired of waiting on me. The cell phone was in her bedroom and she said she didn't hear it, and that I should have tried to call her on the house phone, which she has hooked up to a fax machine to discourage telemarketers. To be honest, I forgot that she had asked me to do that before. So now she says I am the most undependable and selfish person she knows. She is very good at psychological warfare. I am also mourning the loss of my mother but I'm going through tough times trying to fit in my sister's world of drama. I walk on eggshells at her house and she interrogates me with everything I do. Her house is filthy, her dogs bark and poop on the floor which stays for days, and I can't cook in her kitchen because it is so nasty. It has gotten to the point that I can not study or sleep at her house because I cannot concentrate. I could not spend Thanksgiving dinner with her, if I tried to eat, I just don't think I could get the food down because of what she said and the fact she thinks I am so deplorable. I told her I decided to go out of town for Thanksgiving and she was totally livid. But I had to detach myself from her, because of the verbal abuse. BTW, as per recommendations from Danni on this site, I have found a place to live and have put a deposit on it and can move in anytime. I won't be moving until December 9, because of finals. That would give me time to study at school, organize and downsize my stuff and get some of the things into storage. On Wednesday, I packed my bags and left her house at 10:30am to go to school to study and from there was going to go to our mother's house to stay Thursday through Saturday over Thanksgiving so I could study in peace. So, I'm driving on my way out of town after school and she calls me and accuses me of vandalizing her SUV (someone broke her tail light lens). I told her that no matter how mad I was at her, I would never do that to her (and I did not do it). She hung up on me, so that's about it. I spent Thanksgiving alone, by choice, here at my mother's house, but somehow I feel closer to her just by being here. She was my refuge and my safe place so naturally, I wanted to come here. The comment my sister made about me being selfish and undependable has really gotten me to doubting myself. I don't think I am selfish. I have horrible relations with my two sisters - Mom always told me it was because they were jealous......???? Does anybody have any insight on this situation and can you confirm I did the right thing? Thanks you!

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