figuring things out

[randomperson]

Interesting day at work. Towards the end of the day things got ..odd.

Ok I work for a pretty big company now. Owner dropped by my desk asked if I was done with the catalog I said yes and showed him a copy. Pretty much laughed at the cover (all past covers too based on the conversation) then about the vendors I work with.

Which is ok the cover is not the best because the designer we work with has limited skills and I can understand his gripes with pricing. (might add if they didn't like the cover they should have said before print!)

Next the second in command dropped by gave me my new title..pretty cool one the one good thing that came out of all that

Then stopped by again and said they were dropping a consultant I have been working with for 5 years now. Basically was going to use him and not let him know about the change.

I don't agree with this. He works cheap and I think production will suffer because of it. Not only that he has not fully trained me in everything. Pretty much think I can get it but I just don't like it. Hinted that this catalog thing was a big test for them. Makes me think me job is no more secure than it was with my previous employer.

Thing is normally this type of one two punch would have took me under. It is normally the type of thing that does. But I'm still standing thanks to the lessons learned here.. granted it did knock me down still but not out.

Still not sure what I should think about this new revelation..

Maybe I am over reacting??

[IrmaJean]

Positive gains are always something to celebrate. It's great to build on your feelings of confidence. What happened at work was upsetting, but you have the strength now to face the possibilities, good and bad, and know that you can handle this. Hopefully your work situation improves. Take care.

[Athena]

Random,

Maybe you could tell your boss how you feel about the changes. Some people don't even realize they are being immoral until you point it out (be diplomatic). You may just get some respect from them.

Sorry you're feeling a bit unsettled about this. The way they treat others, I can see why you may be a little worried. I guess the only way to combat worry about your job is to 1) make yourself indispensable and 2) have a backup plan.

Are you at least enjoying the job more?

[randomperson]

Thank you both for you replies. I do like the potential.

I enjoy challenge and growth.

I did bring up that he was an important part before I moved and they said they would discuss it with me.

Friday they pretty much laid the law down rather than discuss things.

I will see how things goes. If the opportunity rises to do something positive I will. I am just not sure how or what that will be at this point.

I am able to make friends fast, learned that now

Went out to lunch with my co workers many times already!

One even invited me to see her perform in the Orchestra yesterday.

Really sweet woman little younger than me dating a much older guy than me even (nothing fancy about him that I saw just an everyday Joe in every respect). Two didn't seem like a really perfect match he was even a tad bossy it seemed I guess he seemed like a decent fellow, but I just saw a snapshot of them together guess they are in love are they would not be living together.

Does give me hope to see someone like her is so close to someone that seems in every right to be on my level of averageness.

So odd I can make close friends so quick yet I struggle with romantic relationships even on the most basic levels.

Right now I do feel ok about things though.. Life does have worries all the time. Now is "potential" worries which is nothing really.

[Athena]

Friends are good. Close friends - even better. Strange that it doesn't translate to romantic relationships. Perhaps it is the frequency factor. You don't usually see friends every day. Partners you do. So they get to see your bad side, your warts, idiosyncrasies, everything. Friends are shielded from a lot of this. And the fear of physical contact of course. Fear does strange stuff. I am playing piano again after many years. I'll nail a piece in my own home, by myself. If I go play a piano in a public place, I can barely remember where to start. It's like I just lose my head. Maybe anti anxiety meds would help for situations like romance and performance. Probably why so much alcohol gets consumed on dates:eek:.

[58corvette]

Random My Friend;

Amungst Many People Here. I Am Impressed With How Far You Have Come. You Are An Inspiration..........

Sincerely; Jim

[randomperson]

To Athena the odd part for me my real friends do know who I am good and bad. I don't hide things well lol. So it does make it even more strange it doesn't translate over into romance.

Everyone will be proud of me I went out with an attractive co worker as friends for lunch. Had a better time than all of my "dates" combined almost lol. Thing is I don't know when is the right time to ask someone out..

I have jumped the gun too fast and also waited too long. Never can get it right. One co workers that made the move with me thinks inter office dating might be frowned upon there and says if I am thinking about asking anyone to wait a "very, very long time" for many reasons one that we did just move 3 weeks ago.

However another coworker I think is dating one of the label's artists.

This is the perfect question for you guys

I trust y'all. Always give me the nuetral looking outside the box respones that I need. I guess I'm ok either way. I don't want to rush things like I do often..at the same time I would hate to lose that chance as so many woman have slipped by while I sit in the sidelines deciding what is proper to do.

To Corvette. My friend we have all grown a lot from where we first were.

Thank you for the positive words. I still have way farther to go.. and I still slip up. It is like addictions with all the same points to it. Same type of challenges same way to get past it. Main thing is we have to support each other and keep fighting the good fight.

I used to pray to find a woman, for a family.. for lots of stuff.

Now I have one simple prayer every night. For peace.

Not happiness, not love.. just peace in my heart and calmness in my mind. And it is helping.

[Athena]

Hi Random,

What does your gut tell you to do? That's what I would trust. I will however tell you a funny story though that 'interoffice dating' reminded me of:

Many years ago, I had been working for a couple of years in a branch of a particular investment firm. A new advisor joins the branch. A couple of weeks later i'm about to get married and go on my honeymoon. A guy in the office asks where I'm going. I say "The BVI". He goes, "Isn't that funny, that's where "S" (the new guy) is going on his honeymoon." I just stared at him and chuckled as the lightbulb went on. Because you see, he had just figured out the new guy was my fiancé! He will never live that down.

My advice - if it gets serious, DO NOT work with the woman, no matter how well you get along. OK to be in the same office, but do not be on the same team, or in a partnership with her.

[randomperson]

My gut is wrong too often to trust it lol. I thought my ex GF was "the one". I thought it would be wise to wait on dating until "I was ready". I am wrong more than right on this sort of thing. On things like this I don't really have a gut reaction anymore.

Well the good thing is the one I am interested in this time is in a different department. Ah I don't know honestly.. in a way I just get tired of trying. It is way too hard for me. Some reason it is much more difficult than other guys I talk to.

I don't think it is my looks as women friends and my ex said I don't look bad.

Not sure what really. Def something though.

Back on what Corv was talking about. Been many time even recently I have almost fell way back emotionally. I found 2 key things for me romance and friends are the key, both triggered by the fear of being alone. If both factors come close to 0 I start to waver and freak out some. You know what has stopped me, even tonight. This site.

Example my friends are off doing there own thing. those negative comments I heard about dating got me to doubting myself.. feelings of alone started to creep in. I am literally stopping saying wait I know what is going on. Remembering no matter what happens how alone I get how broke I get I have friends on this site men AND women that care for me and are there 24/7 and it calms me down before I get into the panic state that starts the spiraling emotions. Not to say I will never fall again I likely will.. but I know now I can pick myself back up any of us can. It is the war we must win we can't focus on each small battle but rather look at the overall goal.

[Athena]

I think we need to focus on finding an equal partner. Somebody we aren't just 'settling' for. Yet not somebody we believe is too good for us, because then we just fret they will abandon us. Many of us are just looking for the same thing. A positive, strong individual who is comfortable in their own skin. A nice smile, friendly, easy to talk to, fun, good sense of humor. Somebody who will treat us with respect, not put us down, not play head games, use us, abuse us or manipulate us to satisfy their own needs. You probably have a lot of these qualities. Sometimes you have to fake some of them. I fake the "being positive" one all the time. That's not being a fraud. That's just being practical. Who wants to hang around somebody who goes on and on about their divorce or how they are so depressed or whatever? We all have our own issues to deal with.

[randomperson]

Always great advice. How are you BTW?

I have realized one thing I am my worst enemy. To often my own inner thoughts make life more difficult for me. Being something I can fight it has been the mental health issue I have been choosing to spend most of my energy tackling.

[Athena]

Not so great. But not at the "Jump off a Building" stage yet. Just pondering it a lot. Still too many obstacles to that enticing way out. I will allow one chuckle for myself however: As I was pondering my embattled state, the thought struck me "I wish I was a paranoid schizophrenic. Then all of my attackers would only be in my head and drugs could make them all simply vanish".

[58corvette]

Random My Friend; Again I Feel You Are Doing Well In Many Aspects Of Your Life & Your Own Self Awareness & Inner Peace Issues.

Continue To Go In The Direction Which Best Suits YOU & You Are Most Comfortable With At This Point In Your Life.

Office Romance & Relationships Are Like Any Other; Hit & Miss. Discretion & Common Sense Is Always Recommended. Proceed In A way YOU Feel Best.

As I Said & With My Own Experiences & Others I Have Witnessed It Varies From Couple To Couple & Individual To Individual.

We Continue To Have A Changing Workplace, Society & Family Values. So It Is A PERSONAL Choice & Decision. You Never Know The Outcome Of Such Things.

Just Always Be Aware Of What It Would mean & The Affects Should Things Not Work Out.

Best Of Luck My Friend ALWAYS. As I Have Stated In The Past. The Woman You Find Will Be One Lucky LADY & I'm Sure You Will Feel The Same About Yourself As Well.

Sincerely; Jim

[randomperson]

Not so great. But not at the "Jump off a Building" stage yet. Just pondering it a lot. Still too many obstacles to that enticing way out. I will allow one chuckle for myself however: As I was pondering my embattled state, the thought struck me "I wish I was a paranoid schizophrenic. Then all of my attackers would only be in my head and drugs could make them all simply vanish".

Sorry things are rough. Remember we are still here. I might not chat as much as I like but still listening, still care.

Today for example got home had to change a car battery clean some kids vandalism get food for mom feed the animals and just now am I getting a chance to sit down to write.

I know things are tough right now. We all just have to keep hanging on. We have seen the ups and downs just got to wait out the storm for the calm.

[randomperson]

Random My Friend; Again I Feel You Are Doing Well In Many Aspects Of Your Life & Your Own Self Awareness & Inner Peace Issues.

Continue To Go In The Direction Which Best Suits YOU & You Are Most Comfortable With At This Point In Your Life.

Office Romance & Relationships Are Like Any Other; Hit & Miss. Discretion & Common Sense Is Always Recommended. Proceed In A way YOU Feel Best.

As I Said & With My Own Experiences & Others I Have Witnessed It Varies From Couple To Couple & Individual To Individual.

We Continue To Have A Changing Workplace, Society & Family Values. So It Is A PERSONAL Choice & Decision. You Never Know The Outcome Of Such Things.

Just Always Be Aware Of What It Would mean & The Affects Should Things Not Work Out.

Best Of Luck My Friend ALWAYS. As I Have Stated In The Past. The Woman You Find Will Be One Lucky LADY & I'm Sure You Will Feel The Same About Yourself As Well.

Sincerely; Jim

Thank you for being there for so many of us. Emotional growth is slow. We all have ups and downs. Nice part most of the time it varies so we can be there for each other. I think.. hope I am a little better. As for the office "romance" lol. It is far from that, but we are good friends. ..shame women are always saying how "sweet" and "kind" I am but none of them are ever interested in being more than friends. Just a thought that has been haunting me for years.

But overall things are much better. I have friends now. Mom is semi healthy.

Things are much better. Everyday I am greatful for this site and the people I have met here. Thank you all.

..I am tired of being alone though. It wears at me. And I'm not sure why. Maybe not knowing what it is like to be loved... I don't know.

Other than that doing well

[Athena]

Thank you for being there for so many of us. Emotional growth is slow. We all have ups and downs. Nice part most of the time it varies so we can be there for each other. I think.. hope I am a little better. As for the office "romance" lol. It is far from that, but we are good friends. ..shame women are always saying how "sweet" and "kind" I am but none of them are ever interested in being more than friends. Just a thought that has been haunting me for years.

But overall things are much better. I have friends now. Mom is semi healthy.

Things are much better. Everyday I am greatful for this site and the people I have met here. Thank you all.

..I am tired of being alone though. It wears at me. And I'm not sure why. Maybe not knowing what it is like to be loved... I don't know.

Other than that doing well

I totally get loneliness wearing on you. I think it's pretty normal. We are wired to have a partner. I had a friend in university that was "sweet and kind" and had the same problem as you. He got married so much later than the rest of us, his fiance asked all of us "what's wrong with him?". We all said, "absolutely nothing, go for it." I think he just needed the right woman to draw him out of his shell. They are happily married with two kids. I think he got married around 40'ish. Funny, he also reminds my of my Dad, who also got married about the same age. Both Engineers, both a bit reserved.

Random, try not to worry about this too much. Enjoy your friends, get out with them and try to enjoy your life. I'm pretty confident you will find somebody.

[randomperson]

Thank you Your right that is what I need to do and as always this was this message I needed today. After 4 months my Ex's mom accepted a FR I totally forgot I sent. Stirred me up a bit.. got me to missing their family some but I think I am ok

Honestly though who does that accept a FR 4 months later! I just can't get away from that family.. always something..

[randomperson]

So the reaosn I came on so late my mom told me for the first time the name of my families killer. From what I heard his wife blamed the wreck on us to save face and gain sympathy and his son followed in his father's drunken footsteps and went to jail himself for similar charges.

They even swindled us out of restitution by paying off our lawyer.

I have deep anger and bitterness for how it changed everything took away the life of my whole family even the few people that lived through it...

[Athena]

Is this new news or did your Mom just decide to tell you now? And don't lawyers go to jail for that?

[finding my way]

That is very hard news, random

[randomperson]

She was telling me how she told a friend and I wouldn't let it go until she told me, said I deserved to know. She was afraid I would seek revenge. Yes lawyers do go to jail for that but mom was cripple at the time and half out of her mind.. it just slipped through the cracks no way to prove what happened.

Thank you finding my way. It isn't too hard because I heard the stories before.. just never knew the name.