Nothing has changed

[randomperson]

Your life partner is ideally a best friend who loves and accepts you as you are. You share the good days and the bad. You sit with them when they're hurt, sick, angry, down. You go through unemployment and bills and leaky roofs. You button up their shirt when they can't do it themselves, you go to work for them when their back hurts, you recognize that they had a bad day at work the minute they walk in the door, you wait up to be sure they got to work safely in the snow storm, you sit with them at night and watch the latest episode of your favorite tv show, you make dinner together...Relationships are about sharing and being there with a person day after day. That's what love and caring is about. Togetherness. sharing.

I was looking for this post for about 10 minutes lol. It stuck in my mind as such a great way to describe love.

[EricDavis2]

I've given up. I've had so few relationships with women, and even less sex, and there's no hope in sight. My shyness, insecurities, insufficient member size, history of failure, and despair is so overwhelming, I'm beyond help.

3 women in 50 years, and only had sex with one!! If it wasn't for prostitutes and masterbation, I'd have no sex life at all. That is so damn pathetic, I can't stand what I've become - an emotional wreck. I'm not suicidal but I feel my life has been a total disappointment and failure.

I know I have good qualities, but just being a "good guy" isn't even CLOSE to being enough. Good sense of humor - check. Treat women with respect - got it. Friendly, kind, considerate - been there, done that. Girlfriend? Forget it. I don't even know how to get a woman. The only women I ever dated were set up for me by friends. And THEN, when I DO get the very rare chance to be with someone, I'm so pertrified of making a move sexually and fearful of the embarrassment I will have when she sees what little I have to work with, it ends with me feeling even more worthless.

I've gotta stop typing, because I'm crying so much I can hardly see the keyboard. All my hopes of meeting a woman that I can love and be intimate with have been destroyed by my weak, futile, confidence-destroyed life.

[CantGiveItAway]

They havent been destroyed yet. You can still find someone and be happy no matter how little or bad past experiences have been. DONT WASTE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. All the issues you have can be overcome. Things may seem darker then they have ever been but DONT GIVE UP ON YOURSELF. You're still young and there are women who will appreciate and love you for the person you are. There are people for everybody whether you believe that or not. No matter how big or small your dick is or whether your a "good guy" or a "bad guy". You dont have to spend the next 20 30 40 years alone and YOU have all the power........................What if you took the pressure off sexually when meeting women and told yourself that you were going to take things slow no matter what and not even try make a move on her for alittle while, then you could see the kind of person she was alittle better and you could gauge if you wanted to take things further with her. If she tries to makes a move on you, you could say youve been hurt really badly in the past and not ready to put yourself out there like that yet. If shes so inpatient, or looks down on you for that, or loses interest then shes not for you and thats not a reflection of you. If your having trouble meeting women, you may have to actively try and think outside the box on how you can be around more women and make yourself more comfortable. You dont have to do a bunch of things right away but try and gradually put yourself out there in different ways, if thats going out with friends to places or just being more places where theres more people or just working on yourself for alittle while and try to get a different view of yourself. I know your hurting right now and I cannot take that away. You can get through this. We find ourselves in places we never thought we'd be, but that does not make you a failure for being where your currently at in your life.

[randomperson]

Maybe this will help guys here. Basically the guys in this forum are having the same issues as we are in the virginity forums.

I have been listening to advice over the last few years, growing.. backsliding and such. At times I have almost gave up.. had false hope.. gave up.. been through it all. I am 32 years old only had one kiss.. so I think most people in here have had more success than me lol.

The thing that has drove women away from me is my nerves. They can see I am nervous around them and that makes them back away. That and I have ran into some really mean women lol.. I won't cover it up some just like to hurt men.

We have to relax. I had friends and people on here say the same thing do not put them on a higher level than us. Treat them like a good friend in your mind.

The woman I fell deeply in love with that I always go on and on about.

I realized after all I have done.. much much more than I even mentioned in here to help her to be romantic.. she should be drooling over me haha.

But she isn't I was teasing myself. ..and it isn't my fault.

I just recently tried to drive her and her sister away. Not on purpose .. but yet it was. She was holding me back and would eventually break my heart again anyway. I'm sure she will find one more way of hurting me somehow.

But I think for once I am ready to start taking baby steps in the right direction again.

I say this to tell everyone to look into your hearts and see what is holding each of you back. There is normally an event that makes you feel self aware. Make baby steps forward. Tell yourself everyday the positive things about yourself if needed.

There is a woman across the street.. I am pretty sure she isn't seeing anyone.. I am working up the courage and trying to find a way to talk to her a second time..

I am starting to just say hello and small talking points to random people.. building up the courage to have full on conversations with them sometime.

We have to find ways to move forward or we will waste our lives worrying what if.

[Nessie]

Good point about not wasting our lives.

For me, I've been so up and down about this small penis thing...some days I'm bulletproof and other days I'm ready to end it all...and of course, there are other shades in between. On the one hand, thinking I'll never be any larger leaves me thinking the REST OF MY LIFE IS RUINED....but then when I replay that back in my head and listen to it from what I would imagine is someone elses' point of view...it sounds incredibly stupid and lame.

So then I try to reframe things in my mind and say that we all just have to make the best of WHATEVER comes our way.

It really is hard but with every setback, I try to think of a new way to tackle my insecurities. If nothing else, it's turning into a small grab-bag of ways to divert my attention and remind myself that I would rather be happy than sad even if I don't always realize it.

My latest strategy is to love like there is no tomorrow and don't hold back with giving whatever I can. That and try to connect deeply on an emotional level, which when it happens, is powerful stuff.

We may not have large penises but we can give satisfaction in a lot of different ways, so get creative and make the most of everything you've got!

[curtailed]

Not sure where to post this.

Here follows:

A man in a documentary (I do not know the name of the documentary) said about 'small penis syndrome' the following: "All men who have a problem with a small penis have been in some way neglected in their upbringing."

This is very simple and powerful statement. I take it at face value.

Go to therapy, talk to your parents, use money, cry, laugh, whatever: GET HELP. I'm doing it.

-- Curtailed, Over and Out.

[samesame]

Hi curtailed, I read something along the same lines. Not wanting to blame my parents at all, but I do wonder if I would of dealt with this problem differently if I had been brought up differently.

You're up late, locals nicking your wheels? ND:)

[flander]

A man in a documentary (I do not know the name of the documentary) said about 'small penis syndrome' the following: "All men who have a problem with a small penis have been in some way neglected in their upbringing."

What was the reasoning behind that statement?

[samesame]

I took it to mean, that we as small men have not built or been taught the necessary lifeskills to cope with lifes ups and downs through maybe emotional neglectl etc.

What is the difference between mens with small penis's who cope and have productive lives, and the losers like us who dont cope with a small penis, and have crap lives. The answer is mental outlook.

Is my small penis the problem or am I the problem? If I had a normal penis, would I have failed at life because I failed to cope with any other type of problem that I would encounter in life. If so, my penis is not the problem, I would of failed regardless.

we are faced with a physical deformity that cannot be changed. the only hope for us is to change how we think. this has proved impossible for myself.

[Fedup]

Meh I'm past caring what women think. I'm not ever going to allow myself to become emotional attached to a woman. If I have sex I'll give it my best shot and just leave it for them to get in touch if they still want to afterwards.

[IrmaJean]

Fedup, what has been happening with you? It's been a while since you posted.

ND, it is so nice to be hearing from you again. I'm sorry things haven't improved much. I wish you well.

[Fedup]

Nothing much. Stuck in a bit of a rut in life. I used to be able to earn decent money but can't even do that now. I have 2 maybe potential dates set up. They're not really my type personality wise. They're alright on looks I suppose. About average. I'm pretty sure the best way to deal with our situation is not to not care what others think about you. It doesn't come naturally to me as I'm a sensitive person but it's my life that is getting spoilt. I'll be nasty back if I have to be and point out all their faults.

[Nessie]

I'm pretty sure the best way to deal with our situation is not to not care what others think about you. It doesn't come naturally to me as I'm a sensitive person but it's my life that is getting spoilt. I'll be nasty back if I have to be and point out all their faults.

I don't have much experience here but I guess that acting like you simply don't care what they think (if they are mean to you) might not be a bad idea. However, I think getting nasty back will have the opposite effect...when you snap, they will know that they've hit a nerve...and I think you'll know it, too. And it may open things up to escalate - once they know (or think they know that) they've hit a weak spot, they may attack harder there.

If so, how would that feel? Would you not care because in your mind, you got even?

I guess you never really know how it will play out, but just a thought...ie, that getting nasty could backfire and it may or may not be worth it. (I tend to think it won't, but that's me!)

But anyway, are you worried that they will found out your "secret" on the first date? Does that mean that you intend to get into bed right away? If so, what about taking it slower?

Then again, I don't really know what your goals are here, e.g., getting laid as quickly as possible (sorry, I know that sounds rude but just asking!) or finding someone that you can seriously date/marry/whatever...or something in-between?

Overall, just seems like taking it slow is a good idea if you are feeling vulnerable...and especially if you are unsure whether you'll like them?

What do you think?

[Fedup]

Women these days don't like taking it slow I've found. If you get on a second date with them they practically grope you. I don't know what I want. I just want to stop feeling so damn insecure and trying to find solutions to fix my head. Anyway someone just told me something that hit a nerve and I think it deserves it's own thread.

[Athena]

Fedup,

Some women are insecure and still have the belief (drummed into our heads in our teenage years by our parents) that all a guy wants is to get into your pants. I find it hard to believe that all women want sex on the second date. Perhaps you're just too good looking for them;)!

Maybe you could come up with a plausible reason that would involve such words as "respect", "I'm a gentleman", "Found sex to be sooo much more rewarding after building up to it after xx dates", "Like to wine and dine you a bit first and get to know you" or something to that effect. I'd accept all those reasons. Or maybe try some version of the truth, "I'm a little insecure about moving fast because I have a small penis. Even though I'm told I more than make up for it in other ways and I'm looking forward to a night of wild sex with you, I just needed to get that off my chest". She'll either be speechless, or intrigued, or maybe both. She may laugh and think you're kidding - just laugh right along with her.

Sorry guys if this sounds lame to you. I think it's worth a try. I was told once, "stop doing what's not working", so whatever you do, try something different if you're not having success. Perhaps you're being set up with young bimbos. Try fishing in another pond, perhaps. Anyway, that's all I've got right now, hope it helps.

[flander]

Fedup,

Some women are insecure and still have the belief (drummed into our heads in our teenage years by our parents) that all a guy wants is to get into your pants. I find it hard to believe that all women want sex on the second date. Perhaps you're just too good looking for them;)!

I've been told 3rd or 4th, but that still seems kinda quick.

[Athena]

Back before I was married (in the Paleolithic age!), the last thing a girl wanted to be labeled was "easy", "a slut", "sleeps around", or some similar derogatory term. Going out with somebody for months, then agonizing over "to do it or not to do it" was the norm (unless of course you had the label!). I would imagine girls (and guys) hanging out in bars these days may have a little quicker expectations, and perhaps internet dating suffers from the same problem, but I find it kind of demoralizing to think the half generation behind me has so little self control (and lack of respect for their own body.)

BTW, I was not raised in the "wait till your married era".

[samesame]

wheather you sleep with a woman on the 1st date or the 300th. You still have to display your problem. Then other people will be told and the humiliation will begin.

There can be no happiness with a small penis.

[Fedup]

Fedup,

Some women are insecure and still have the belief (drummed into our heads in our teenage years by our parents) that all a guy wants is to get into your pants. I find it hard to believe that all women want sex on the second date. Perhaps you're just too good looking for them;)!

Maybe you could come up with a plausible reason that would involve such words as "respect", "I'm a gentleman", "Found sex to be sooo much more rewarding after building up to it after xx dates", "Like to wine and dine you a bit first and get to know you" or something to that effect. I'd accept all those reasons. Or maybe try some version of the truth, "I'm a little insecure about moving fast because I have a small penis. Even though I'm told I more than make up for it in other ways and I'm looking forward to a night of wild sex with you, I just needed to get that off my chest". She'll either be speechless, or intrigued, or maybe both. She may laugh and think you're kidding - just laugh right along with her.

Sorry guys if this sounds lame to you. I think it's worth a try. I was told once, "stop doing what's not working", so whatever you do, try something different if you're not having success. Perhaps you're being set up with young bimbos. Try fishing in another pond, perhaps. Anyway, that's all I've got right now, hope it helps.

Times have changed. The girls were the ones groping me not the other way around. Sex hasn't really been that enjoyable for me up to now. Even when it has I couldn't remember my orgasm because I was too drunk. I think alcohol will always have to be involved in my first sexual encounter with a person and after that it is up to them. I also don't like having sex with random people like many men do. That's because for them to enjoy it I think I need to do other stuff and I don't want to risk a STD. I'm 6 ft 1 and over 200lb so my penis feels even smaller on me because everything else is so big.

[Athena]

This thread has been going on a long time. Have the guys who have dropped off solved the problem or given up? It might be worth contacting them in case it's the former. Anybody tried a sex therapist? This website is still the top two hits on google, but there's lots of others. Have you checked the top twenty out thoroughly? Done a search on "SPS forums"? - That gives you a different list. How about - Take out a blank sheet of paper and force yourself to come up with 20 things to check into then commit to actioning each one until you find what works.

I suppose giving up is an option, but I don't think you'd be here if you were ready for that. I still think working on self esteem and changing stuff you have more control over are good ideas, but those have already been discussed here.

Compatibility hasn't really been covered. What do "little people" do? Some seek out other little people (I'm talking height here). More compassionate women who don't blab about their sexual experiences would seem to be more compatible for you guys. How about women who don't know what "average" is, ie: nobody to compare you to? Virginity forums? Convert a nun? (worked for captain Von Trapp:)). Women with a more conservative upbringing (race, religion, country).

OK, I think I'm in danger of pissing somebody off now, so I'll stop.

I wish you guys the best. Everybody deserves a chance at love. Some of us just have to work harder for it than others.

[flander]

OK, I think I'm in danger of pissing somebody off now, so I'll stop.

lol

why would anything in that post be pissing someone off? As far as having sex with women who have no frame of reference, I think there was a scene about that in the John Candy movie "Wagons East" (starts at minute 43:20 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gF12omIkL8)

[EricDavis2]

Thank you to those of you offering encouraging words to try and help us suffering from this "syndrome". Our despair is so deep-rooted and the self-loathing we have has made our "condition" worse making it very hard to apply even the best advice.

In my own case, my shyness over the years in meeting women is mostly attributed to the shame I feel about my penis size, and the fear of the woman's reaction to it. In most aspects of my personality and looks, I don't feel overly insecure. My education and upbringing has not lead me down this path. People tell me I'm a good guy, and I feel that I am.

However, I'm afraid that all the encouragement and support hasn't helped. I am getting more and more down on myself because I can't get a love in my life. I am ashamed of my self and just can't see any way out. Advice, no matter how educated or insightful, is worthless unless the person has the courage to apply it. I am paralyzed by my fears and destroyed by my failures.

So this is my last post. Thanks to Irma Jean and others for doing their best to help. But I am now so depressed I can't even try to deal with it anymore. I'm sorry.

[IrmaJean]

Eric, I'm sorry you're still hurting so badly. I hope there is some way for you to speak with a professional about your depression. Getting well is hard work and can take some time. Try to make one small positive step today by having faith in yourself. Tomorrow might bring more hope if you give yourself the chance to succeed. Facing fears can be very challenging! I'm still sometimes overwhelmed by my fear of driving on major highways. This is one fear I still need to work on. I'll keep trying, little by little. You can keep trying too, Eric. I'm sorry nothing seems to be helping right now. There are caring people here who will listen if you ever decide to come back. I want to wish you well. I hope that you find a path to healing. Take gentle care, Eric.

[CantGiveItAway]

I really feel the sincerity in your post:( and it might seem like just words your reading but they come from a real place too. I believe you do have the courage inside of you and we can help you find it. I think you should keep posting, maybe the lightbulb just didnt go off yet. What if you took sex completly out of the equation and looked for women who really didnt have much interest in it. There are alot of ways to be intimate with someone, it doesnt have to be extremly sexual. I think you can find a women like that.....Or you could lie and be upfront with them the first few times your with someone and say you were in some freak accident of some kind and that sex is just not possible the regular way and then they would know right off the bat and not have any expectations and then if you were with someone awhile and felt comfortable, you could tell them your real concerns and they wouldnt be dissapointed because they already assumed that sex couldnt happen anyway and they were being with you just because they liked being with you. Then you wouldnt have to worry about any kind of reaction and she might actually be very sympathetic and happy because she knew how hard it was for you to open up about that and that it was possible to have sex in a more standard way instead of none at all and she might just want to feel closer to you.

[samesame]

If we can change our own opinions about our size for a better perspective, then that is obvoiusly an improvement we can make to our lives.

However, we cannot change or mitigate what our sexual partners think about our cocks, or whether they will tell other people about it.

With a small penis, we only have two choices, build a solitary life worth living, or engage with the world and accept the shame and humiliation. At least solitary mean we wont breed and pass the curse on.