Struggling with feelings of inferiority

[58corvette]

I have read your Last few post along with the reply from Randomperson.

First & Formost Thank You for the Compliment. And Thank You for your very Introspective View on Todays Woman.

I read your statements in regards to your ex & boy could I relate. My ex is like that in so many ways. So some things cross Gender Bounderies. She now has completed her Schooling in her new Profession; A Profession which is in High Demand right now so I know if she does'nt already have work it will be no problem for her getting a Job.

Thanx in Large Part to my Financal Contribution with Half my Retirement. Court Orders & System Again; : ( Anway at this point in time My Twin Daughter has nothing to do with her. My Two Sons Like, Love & Respect Their Mom but see very little of her. They to have learned her Selfishness & Shortcomings. Matter of fact most of the Women they see are a bit like their Mom. Needless to say the Relationships with these Women have All Failed & Caused them Heartache.

Since my Son has'nt been around the last few days Again; I Again had One Dream after Another Associated with my Ex. It Flat out Drains & Depresses me more; EVERYTIME!!!

The Statement from Randomperson is so correct. I try my best not to Wish bad things on my ex as I know it does me no good whatsoever. But to see her in this Situation & My Own & not Helping My Odest Son at all as I deal with it; is very Dissheartning.

She is Very Manipulative, Charming, Intellegent & Resourseful. But in regards to her Own Family, Past Friends & Co-Workers they eventually have picked up on that through the years. I have Paid the Biggest Price.

I know she will never end up in a Mental Institution herself. She is much to Vain for that & it is not in her DNA. The Drinking & Drugs Are. Lonely like Myself I Truly Dont Know? I do know she Screwed up what could have been a Decent, Happy, Productive Family Core System. But it was & is her Choice.

So I need to live with it & Somehow, Someway move forward myself.

The Best to All Of Us who Only Mean Well & Want True Simple Love & Friendship. It makes the Days, Nights, Life & Everything Associated with this Journey So much Better.

[CantGiveItAway]

All you are is a man. Noone can take that away from you. Some things were better yesterday, some will be better tomorrow. You don't have to keep up with the current or grab on to anyone's beliefs. Your thoughts are your own.

[58corvette]

Thanx for your Reply;

Very well put with a Lot of meaning. And yes my Thoughts truly are my own. I just want to be able to share them again with a Woman & her Own.

I definitly am doing something Wrong in regards to finding this. Havent found any other Match yet from work or Dating Sites. My Personality dictates a lot of this I guess.

But it is no easy task. I know I am to Jaded, Untrusting & Picky. Just dont want to make another Big Mistake, Feel & hurt with that much Pain ever again.

[Athena]

The Best to All Of Us who Only Mean Well & Want True Simple Love & Friendship. It makes the Days, Nights, Life & Everything Associated with this Journey So much Better.

And to you too, Jim. Perhaps if enough of us get hurt by nasty people, us kind types will all end up on this site. Then maybe there will be enough good people here that some of them will be right in our own home town:rolleyes:

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Jim,

Its not just women, as everyone has pointed out. Athen correctly states that a woman may look like she is together but the reality is often different. Same with men. Its not that you are not a modern man, its that you have had awful experiences. You have also had awful experiences with women and that is a shame because there are wonderful women who are warm, loving and supportive.

By the way, I think its outrageous that you have to pay half your retirement because of the divorce. Is there any way you might be able to get that reversed in court?

It sounds like you were a teacher? Do you miss it and do you wish you could teach elsewhere.

By the way, job or no job, money or no money, I believe you most certainly are a good catch. Don't put yourself down.

Allan

[58corvette]

Dear Athena; Thank You & Back at ya. I am sure some Lucky Man will find such A Lady as Yourself. I know you have much to give.

Allan Thank You so much. Coming from you that means A Lot to me. And I do know theyre are Many Wonderful Women in this World. A few months back I recieved A Warm Heartfelt Hug from my Son's friends Wife. I told her how much that ment to me & she understood.

Something so Basic & Simple can mean so very much. I truly miss the Warmth, Gentleness, Compassion, Understanding & all other wonderful things a Woman has to offer.

There is a Past Post I did recently, in which I explained My Life, School District Job & Divorce. Right now I dont remember exactly what I titled it Allan? but I did recieve a few Heartfelt responces. It was recent.

I was denied Unemployment Despite all of these Factors & Had No Choice but to Prematurely Cash in My Retirement. Now it is Near it's end & hear I am.

I try my Best to Continue to believe I am a Good Man & Person Allan. I certainly Hope I can find Another Woman in my Life that is a Good Catch Herself & feels Mutual In regards to Me.

In the State of California Everything is 50/50. And the fact I was Married to her for 10yrs. of my Employment with School District I was required to give her Half. Even though she Worked & made Good Money Herself. I recieved Nothing. She knew this & Had A Plan when she had Affair on me & I just started work with School District. As soon as everything, House, Retirement, Children fell into place for her she made her move. Already Emptied All Bank Accounts, Filed for Divorce & had temporary Place to Live. While waiting for Evetual Court Decision to get Both Custody of Our Children, Child Support & House. I was had 26 dollars to my Name when she left.

As I stated in Previous Post I am Not a Teacher (Certificated). I was A Plant Manager (Classified) & Middle Management. So when A New Principal came to My School She Did'nt care for me & I was Blackballed. Because I became Middle Management I had No Union Backing. This Happened just as I was Finishing Child Support.

That was the Last Straw & I ended up Relocating to Different State & Line of Work. Only to Come back from my Childrens Request, My Oldest Son's Problems, My Dad's Health & Eventual Death & My Own Lonliness.

Somehow as I was previewing this before submition the Paragraphs got turned int a different order than how I wrote it. So forgive me if this Post is a little out of order.

Thanx Again. Sincerely; Jim

[Athena]

Jim, I so empathize with you and share the frustration, feelings of never ending persecution and loneliness. My own kids are not into drugs, they are too young but I have them in therapy. 6 and 9 year olds should be out enjoying life, not developing serious emotional problems. And it all stems from one parent not being accountable - to their spouse, their kids, or anybody else for that matter. True Narcissists. And I understand they can't even be helped by therapy, even if they were ever talked into it! I wish we could somehow annihilate every single memory associated with them! I understand some neuroplasticity guys are working on just that, for PTSD in particular. I wonder if 20 years of bad memories is too much to wipe out!

[58corvette]

I know your Children are in good hands & will be fine. Yes my ex will never end up in Mental Hopspital or any type of Therapy.

Years ago Shortly after she had Affair & I was covered through School District Insurance; I practically had to drag her into Family Counseling. During one Session the Female Counselor informed her she needed to stop this cycle of behavior & Divorce or the Circle will never end.

I thought it worked only to find a few yrs. later the Cycle continued. That is where I know all Three of my Children have Suffered. All I can do is hope for the best with them.

Relationship, Marriage & having their own Children is something that has definitely Tainted them from their own Experience of their Mom & I own Marital Discord.

Very Sad; because as a Parent you Truly want the Best for your Children. As far as my ex; Im not sure? She still seems very Selfesh in many ways.

As far as Memories I definitley need to get beyond the Bad ones. That & other Factors is keeping my Life on Hold & I am slowly going further down that Black Hole.

[Athena]

As far as Memories I definitley need to get beyond the Bad ones. That & other Factors is keeping my Life on Hold & I am slowly going further down that Black Hole.

I truly believe that all sorts of help shows up when you hit bottom. Until then, you struggle along making ends meet and people assume you can handle it. I congratulate you for keeping it together and still managing to have a positive outlook on life and knowing what really matters. (At least, I get this feeling from many of your posts.)

I wish for the perfect solution to fall out of the sky and land in your lap before the month is out.

Take care Jim.

[58corvette]

Athena; Thank You for your wish. I try my best to be a decent Person.

Back At Ya & The Best To You Also.

Sincerely; Jim

[randomperson]

I wonder if 20 years of bad memories is too much to wipe out!

I drool at the thought lol.

Often I wonder if the pain has made me overall a better or worse person. More caring and kind, yes. More understanding, yes. Able to deal with more pain of course.

But at the same time almost unable to be truly happy, to trust when there is reason to doubt, and a bit emotionally unstable.

Some pretty big swap outs.

[58corvette]

Could Not of said it better myself Athena; "Greek Goddess Of Wisdom"!!!

The Swap Outs; Have Taken it's Toll!!!