A Unique Situation with No Good Outcomes

[iMatt]

Hey,

My name matt and right now I'm in a slump, a very big one, and I'm not exactly sure where to go from where I'm at currently. I'll try and explain this as straight forward as I can.

In my younger years I suffered from clinical depression, but mid-way through high-school I was able to sustain from medication and become independent from it. Aside from the occasional bout here or there, I can cope fine with everything that's been thrown at me. I've also been a higher student with plenty of friends who can support me in my life.

The past few years however have been raging hell in my life and my family's. My brother who is (5) years older than me currently went to a private college and my parents did not want to disappoint, paid for every moment of it (they still are, but I'll get to that later). He got academically suspended and then reaccepted via references. This little stunt got us caught in a financial loop. His outstanding loans as they stand currently are $14,000. My parents side is $15,000. My brother has been trying help pay things off as well, however recently he was fired from his job as an editor for a large scrap booking company.

My father is a businessman who specializes on investments/retirement packaging. His business relies on commissions. With the economy basically dead his business is haulted. My mother works a low-wage job at a local school where she is miserable.

Due to this, we are behind on taxes a few years. We had the hammer come down recently saying we need to get every remaining loan/equity line paid in less than 12 months. The financial department of minnesota is threatening with suspending my fathers business license, a lean on the house, and freezing credit lines. This also means I cannot get any financial aid since FAFSA depends on your parents taxes. I do not qualify for loans since our family's credit score is tanked from trying to get things paid off.

I graduated with an Associate in Arts degree a year out of high-school (went to college my entire senior year) and had everything paid via local scholarships. However I ran into physical complications this same year. I was diagnosed with a rare type of spondylolisthesis (forward slippage of spinal disks). Later diagnosed as a unique disk herniation that almost paralyzed me. The rate in which this happens to somebody is around 4% or less. On my 20th birthday I had surgery for it to be removed. it's been many months since and I've recovered, however it left my parents with more medical bills (that have been mostly paid off).

What I'm getting at is I'm at a point of being stuck with no means of getting out. I'm a college student in a small town with little to no jobs (I've been searching for over a year with over two years prior job experience and education.) Nobody will hire me. I'm beginning to think I'm blacklisted due to my parents money situation. The only jobs available are hard physical intensive jobs which I cannot do with my back. That would lead to another possible surgery which would only lead to more bills.

I've researched into grants/loans/scholarships. I qualify for none. Since the economy downturn, almost everything disability and academic have frozen. I have a hearing loss in my left ear which I cannot get any support for. I do not qualify for unemployment since I wasn't laid off. I quit initially because I was supposed to go back to school. (but that didn't turn out due to the finances).

Everything has turned into money. My life is no longer whether I can pursue what I would like, but what I can afford. My mom becomes very emotionally distraught over things, my dad feels guilty for letting me down and not being able to give me the same opportunities as my brother. My brother is trying to get back in the job place.

I've explored every opportunity to get out of this town for a fresh start, but without any initial funds I can't do that.

1.) No jobs

2.) Unable to qualify for loans

3.) No financial aid available

4.) No Scholarships Available

5.) Unable to afford anyone to help

This all alongside my own life's personal problems with people. I'm not suicidal or rash of thinking. I simply don't know how to cope with this. What I'm afraid of is if something doesn't happen soon my mind will break-down. When you're not in the right state of mind you make stupid decisions.

I'm 20 years olds with the body of a 70 year old man and a life with zero hope.

Right now, I need support more than ever. Even if it's just some people on a forum, I'll take it. Maybe I might find some answers here.

Thank you for your time.

[Waiting]

Hi Matt,

That is rough, I am sorry so much is going wrong. I am also unemployed and it seems I will never find a solid job. It is very hard and certainly makes one doubt one's self and struggle with depression if one is that way inclined.

All we can do is struggle on. We will survive and in time prosper.

[iMatt]

Hi Matt,

That is rough, I am sorry so much is going wrong. I am also unemployed and it seems I will never find a solid job. It is very hard and certainly makes one doubt one's self and struggle with depression if one is that way inclined.

All we can do is struggle on. We will survive and in time prosper.

I've been stuck in this phase for 2 years. Not sure how much more my family can take, let alone myself.

Even now, with over 30-40 people reading this, no-one has an answer =/ .

No-one's life at this age should suck this much. It's downright unfair to the human experience. At least my brother was able to get out and pursue his own life. I'm trapped in this circus of a scenario.

Knowing your best is never going to be good enough is a very large stampede on the ego.

How do you even get past this? It's not a matter of physically struggling, but pure mental breakdown. I wake up thinking about this, carry on my day thinking about it, and thinking about it before I go to sleep. It doesn't go away. Even after meditation, it still sits and rots like an invisible tumor.

What I want to know is where the f--- do I find hope? (Please don't mention religion, I've lost that long ago and I don't want to start up a forum-battle)