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Rising anxiety


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I was just looking at some pictures of big event in my life, like my graduation from college, high school, etc. As I was thinking back to the moments, I found my anxiety level raising dramatically and feeling quite angry because one of the few people I really wanted at all of them was not there, my mother. She was supposed to be at my graduation, but never came, I found out later it was because she was in the hospital getting a clot removed, but no one ever bothered to call me to let me know, and it still destroyed my day because she was not there. She was not at the birth of my son, (her first grandson) because it was my brothers 18th birthday party, but what was funny is that I was in the hospital for four days (C-section recovery) and she never even bothered to come much less call to see how it was going. She didn't meet her grandson until two weeks later at my sisters wedding. She blew off my high school graduation and many other important things in my life.

Why do I keep holding out hope that someday she will realize how much she has hurt me and disappointed me and step up to be the mother I hope she can be? I know in my brain that is not possible, but my heart won't let her go. She just constantly thinks about herself even though she is 54 years old and has ten kids. I keep asking myself why it is that her kids are more mature than she is? And when is she going to grow up?

My therapist keeps telling me to keep my expectations low so that I won't be disappointed in her efforts but I keep hoping that she will surprise me. There was even one year that my siblings and I had a surprise birthday party for her ON MY BIRTHDAY. She showed up to this party without a gift for me even though she knew it was my birthday and it was a party.

Why am I such a sucker??!!! I keep putting to I am selfish and asking to much of her. That she has ten kids who need her and she is just to busy. I am just not worth the effort anymore!!! Why do I try.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I think the simplest way of dealing with this is, to talk to your mom about everything you discussed here. Her absence at major events in your life is the reason for your anxiety and only she can answer your questions. And even if she doesn't, you will feel so much better that you have spoken out your mind. This will make your heart feel much lighter and better.

All the best to you!

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I hope you dont mind if i share this but it think it could help. My mother didnt show up ot my high school graduation either. As a matter of fact, she wasnt there when i got married or when i had my daughter. I suffered alot during my childhood while living with her. Then finally i got the chance to meet my father who she kept me away from for 14 years. Anyways She got upset with me because i chose to live with him. She never forgave me and i think we had a arugement the week before my graduation. I always had that feeling that she wouldnt show up and i hoped she would prove me wrong but she didnt.

You would think that me being the only one in my family to graduate from highschool that she would be proud, happy, or even cry for that matter. And even think shed show up. Nope she couldnt put aside her differences and show up.

Then i got married. She didnt like the guy i was married and didnt want me to marry him. But as a mother she should have been there because that may have been my one chance to get married or her only chance to see me get married but no she didnt show up, as a matter of fact i got into an arguement with her on my wedding night.

ok since theres a pattern formin she wasnt there to see me have birth to her grandchild. she was never part of her life and i tried to make things right with her recently but i couldnt let go of everything else. I have alot of hurt and anger inside and its making me consider therapy again. its more like me saying thanks mom for putting me through all this and for being so selfish.

My advice to you is first you are not worthless. You came along way and have a family of your own now which im sure it makes you proud. Ive learned alot from all this Ive learned what to do and what not to do. I also learned that im so glad that im not like her im so much better than that and so are you.

I honestly dont know if i have the right words to say. All i can say is that youre not alone. You have support and someone to listen. As for your mom maybe she needs to see that shes hurting you by her actions, i think in order for her to see that is that you take some time apart for a while. If she never sees it then its her loss not yours. I know it hurts believe me but why let it continue when you dont deserve it?

Sorry for rambling i hope this helps you in some way :o

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