chatterbox512 Posted December 21, 2010 Report Share Posted December 21, 2010 I was just looking at some pictures of big event in my life, like my graduation from college, high school, etc. As I was thinking back to the moments, I found my anxiety level raising dramatically and feeling quite angry because one of the few people I really wanted at all of them was not there, my mother. She was supposed to be at my graduation, but never came, I found out later it was because she was in the hospital getting a clot removed, but no one ever bothered to call me to let me know, and it still destroyed my day because she was not there. She was not at the birth of my son, (her first grandson) because it was my brothers 18th birthday party, but what was funny is that I was in the hospital for four days (C-section recovery) and she never even bothered to come much less call to see how it was going. She didn't meet her grandson until two weeks later at my sisters wedding. She blew off my high school graduation and many other important things in my life. Why do I keep holding out hope that someday she will realize how much she has hurt me and disappointed me and step up to be the mother I hope she can be? I know in my brain that is not possible, but my heart won't let her go. She just constantly thinks about herself even though she is 54 years old and has ten kids. I keep asking myself why it is that her kids are more mature than she is? And when is she going to grow up? My therapist keeps telling me to keep my expectations low so that I won't be disappointed in her efforts but I keep hoping that she will surprise me. There was even one year that my siblings and I had a surprise birthday party for her ON MY BIRTHDAY. She showed up to this party without a gift for me even though she knew it was my birthday and it was a party. Why am I such a sucker??!!! I keep putting to I am selfish and asking to much of her. That she has ten kids who need her and she is just to busy. I am just not worth the effort anymore!!! Why do I try. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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