I'm done for the day & i've only got out of bed

[Fox1990]

Here i am, sitting in this chair feeling like i've run a marathon, and i've only just got out bed. i slept for 14 hours last night but i stayed up for 2 days before that.

My mom is asking me something and for the life of me i can't concentrate long enough to compute an answer for her.

At the moment breathing feels too difficult.

i'm snapping off for no good reason, i'm irritable as hell, i know this. Ask me if i care.

i'm sick now because this morning i slept for so long i didn't take a shot (diabetic). i think i can feel my kidney protesting that fact but again, i could be imagining that, right?

the world is shifting to a miserable gray and it's really not worth my time.

i'm trying to find some positive, a light in the darkness, but then i think "what do you really have to look foward to?" that is the main question in a depressive brain.

i can hear a woman talking on the tv in the other room, she is sickingly happy. if she were standing in front of me i would probably smack her.

i can't decide whether to eat or not, the thought of having to get up and actually find something even seems overwhelming.

Good God, what have i come to?

I spend a lot of time thinking of ways i could off myself. i told my mom a while back that i would never let her find me that way. that seems to be an important promise to keep.

It pisses me off to hear people say suicide is a selfish and cowardly way to deal with things. well, fuck off, yeah? :mad:

it takes a lot of courage to take a life and what is selfish about not wanting to hurt so bad? i'd like to know.

i mean, wouldn't you want to if you were living hell on earth?

[Lindamomof7]

I feel your pain in the words you type Fox. I understand them and I hope it helped just typing them. Hang tight and keep typing here and hopefully time will help ease your feelings...

(((hugs)))

[CantGiveItAway]

I know you mentioned you aren't feeling well but maybe if you tried to move around abit it could change you mood slightly just wlking around your house with headphones on or something. Just trying to ease your mind some way or distract it for awhile could help. Even if you dont like to read if there is a book lying around you could get lost in that for awhile. Some people get like great enjoyment out of that. Maybe shift your focus from worrying about big and longterm things for awhile and just focus on the present and whatever you can to make taht better. I'm sorry if the things I say seem trivial and are of no help.

[Fox1990]

Not trivial. Thanks Cant.

[sensitive_woman]

Hi Fox,

Take 10 deep breaths - Try doing this:

1) Inhale slowly and deeply to the count of 4

2) Exhale even more slowly to the count of 8 (In short, you exhale longer than you inhale).

This is one cycle of inhaling and exhaling, practice this till you take 10 such breaths. Its hard to do but once you practice, you will get instant stress relief and feel much much better. Try it and let me know how you feel

[Hannahbanana]

Sorry to hear things are so tough. I know the feeling though, yeasterday was my first day out of bed other than for toilet and food for almost a week.

Sometimes when things are so bad they seem to paralyse me I try to make a list of all the things that are troubling me, or that I'd like to be different. Not only is writing it theraputic, but once you have the list you can maybe pick the smallest problem to tackle, or if you're not up to it, at least think about how you might tackle it soon, and think about how your life will be a little better if you do to motivate yourself.

I did it yesterday and tided my flat, and hung some pictures to "brighten the place up", and for maybe half an hour I felt satisfied and pleased with myself,and although it didn't last, I don't feel as bad as I did before. But I know when you feel this down you might not want to, so just make sure you eat something, take care of your body so that you can take care of you self when you're ready.

Remember you are not alone in these feelings x

[michmomof1]

I understand some of the things youre feeling. Depression is a monster. thats how i look at it. I slept most of the day today. I got up about 10 went back to sleep and got up about 1 then after a while i laid back down because i had a mood swing. One minute i was extremly happy about an upcoming event and then the next see what i mean by how its a monster? it just sneaks up on you when you least expect it.

I will say these things though. I may not have alot of advice to give but i am here to listen and im sure others here are too. The few things thats been helping me is watch comedy tv shows or movies stay away from the rest until you feel better. Same goes for music dont listen to romantic songs or songs about hatred or stuff like that. just listen to the ones that are postitive and uplifting.

I know it sounds real easy but its not because im struggling to take my own advice. To be honest im tired of feeling like this.

Do you see a therapist? maybe talking to someone may help. also try writing all your thoughts down when everyone is asleep. no matter what they are write them down as much as you can get out then you'll feel a little better.

I hope this helps remember youre not alone here.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Fox,

What you describe sounds very much like depression. If I understand correctly, you are young and thats why you live with your mother? I'm asking because I am wondering whether you can see either a psychiatrist our your family doctor so you can start anti depressant medication? I agree with the others that psychotherapy would be wonderful for you. Psychotherapy with medication is often the best combination. I also agree that keeping a journal is very helpful, as well as exercise and yoga.

Are you having thoughts of hurting yourself, like suicide? I'm worried about you.

What do you think?

Allan